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I shrug even though she can’t see me. “Yeah, I guess.” I change the subject. “So, do you miss me yet?”
“Only if you miss me.”
I drum my fingers on my steering wheel as I stop at a red light. I won’t ever admit that I miss her a little bit.
“When will I see you again?” I ask instead.
I hear her sigh, and I know she was hoping I would say I missed her, but I don’t want to give her any hope that our agreement will become more.
“Thursday, I’ll bring dinner.”
It’s only Friday. “Arrow, it’s Friday. Thursday is our last session.” I’m confused. “What happened to Monday?”
She’s quiet and I can hear her breathing. “I have to take care of some things, I’ll be out of town until Wednesday.”
I grip the wheel. “And you weren’t going to tell me?”
“Yes, of course,” she says quickly. “I was going to text you, but you called first.”
Suddenly, I’m annoyed, and I don’t want to talk anymore. “Yeah, well, see you Thursday.” I hit the end call button on the steering wheel.
I know I’m an asshole, but fuck, I’m already pissed I couldn’t be with her tonight before she goes to Palm Springs tomorrow, now she’s telling me I won’t see her until our last session? The session where this ends between us. Have I really learned anything from her? Yeah, when I can pay attention and not think about when I can sink inside her. Maybe I should brush up on my books, just in case. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t care, because I do, I just care about her mouth a little bit more.
When I pull up to my place, I don’t see Cam’s car yet, and I have a feeling they’re getting more than a pack of beer. Once the season starts, the drinking and getting high stops, so I can see why they want to get drunk. Rubbing my forehead, I let myself into my place, it’s been a while since I had any of my teammates here.
As usual, my living room is clean because I spend most of my time in my room. Taking the stairs two at a time, I go into my room, which is a fucking mess. I should really start having the housekeeper come in here, because even as an adult, I still can’t make my bed or take the dishes back to the kitchen. When Bliss is here I shamefully let her clean. See, I’m barely boyfriend material.
Grabbing my PlayStation and two controllers, I close the door behind me only to stop short and stare at the closed door across the hall, Jackson’s room. I still haven’t built up the nerve to go in there and his parents haven’t pushed the issue of moving his things. One step at a time, that’s what Oliver says, he thinks I need to be stable first before digging into the past. For now, I hang onto that excuse.
The pounding on my front door pulls me away from my thoughts, and I hurry down the stairs to open the door. Cam and Ash push through the door carrying two pizza boxes and a case of beer.
“Your house is suspiciously clean,” Cam says, walking into the kitchen with the beer. “Is your mom still cleaning your place?”
“No, asshole.” I close my front door and go to hook up the PlayStation into the T.V.
Ash flops on the couch, setting the pizzas on the coffee table. “All right, I’m about to whoop your ass on this court.”
“You can even beat him one on one, chump.” Cam walks in with three open beers and plates, he looks at me. “Your kitchen is way too clean, and your sink is all shiny and shit.”
I squint my eyes and jerk my head back. “Why the hell are you all in my shit?” I sit on the other side of the couch and hand Ash a controller, then pull a joint and a lighter out of the side table. Lighting it, I take a deep hit and pass it to Ash.
Cam hands me a beer. “So touchy.”
Ignoring him, I start flicking through the basketball teams, settling on my favorite, the team that was supposed to draft me, the team I should have been playing for.
Ash picks his and Cam laughs as he takes a hit of the joint then hands it to me. “Why are you always picking that sorry ass team?”
“Fuck you,” he snaps. “Why don’t you go back to sending some poor girl a dick pic?”
Some shit hasn’t changed, they still argue like siblings. I have no idea how they are still friends, but it works.
My mind goes back to Bliss. I can’t believe I won’t be seeing her until next week. One more night with her and that’s it. That’s all I get. It took a week for her to become an addiction, an addiction I couldn’t afford to have right now.
The night goes on with the three of us getting high, eating pizza, and talking shit as we play the video game. For the first time, I feel normal, being at home with some friends, a girl I can’t stop thinking about on my brain. I feel like a normal college guy in his twenties. The past isn’t dragging me down, but I still feel it there, looming in the darkness just waiting to confront me. One step at a time.
Jackson,
As soon as I think it’s getting a little easier, it doesn’t. I find myself constantly finding distractions. Ash and Cam are trying to help in their own way, but they aren’t you. I can’t talk to them about things, you know, about what happened to me. They would probably think I went crazy or watch my every move. I still haven’t built up the courage to tell Bliss. Hell, I still haven’t let myself think about what you would think about what I have done. I know you want more for me, and as you can see, I’m trying. I hope this makes you a little happy, Jack. I really hope I can one day make you proud.
