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“Okay.” The defeat hits me right away. “Well, I tried.”
“We can try again in June when the season is officially over.” She tries to give me hope.
“Sounds good. I have to go.” I hang up the phone and toss it to the side.
This literally feels like you are in the Stanley Cup Finals, and it’s game seven, and you lose. Everything that you wanted was within reach, but you just couldn’t grasp it. It literally fucking sucks.
I try not to show it in my tone when we speak later on in the day, but she picks up on it right away. “Is everything okay?”
No,my head screams. “Yeah, just tired is all.”
“Well, why don’t you get some sleep?” she urges me, and it just makes me madder than I already am.
“I’ll do that,” I confirm. “I guess I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” she says softly, “sleep tight, SR.”
“You too, gorgeous.” I hang up the phone and the urge to take it and throw it against the wall is strong.
“What the fuck am I going to do?” I ask the empty room. “How much longer is this going to even go on?” The thought alone is too much to bear, but the reality is I already feel like I’m losing her. She hasn’t once even mentioned coming to see me. She hasn’t once told me she misses me. She hasn’t once sounded frustrated about the situation.
This woman who stopped my heart the first time I laid eyes on her has got a hold of my heart in a way I can’t even describe, and little does she know, I would give it all up for her. Everything I’ve worked for in my whole life feels futile now. Everything I’ve busted my ass for feels like it’s been for nothing. Everything without her in it is lifeless.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX
ryleigh
He hangs up the phone, and all I can do is stare at it. The picture of us on the hot air balloon from my screen saver now flashes. I close my eyes before tossing my phone on the side of the bed that he sleeps on when he’s been here. The teddy bear he sent lies down on his pillows while I wear his T-shirt.
I lay my head on the pillow and pull my knees to my chest, blinking away the tears. I have never in my life cried more than I have in the last two fucking weeks. After losing the trial that, according to my boss, was a slam dunk, I’ve been keeping my head down and plowing through with work. I don’t even work from home anymore. I show up every single day, afraid to even skip a day in case he comes into the office and sees me not there. The last thing I need is to go away to see Stone for a few days and then he shows up. I can’t do it. I just can’t. I know he's dropped some hints here and there, mentioning he’s home for ten days. Trust me, if it were up to me, I would have been there on day one, but I just can’t leave when I want. I just can’t. That’s not to say I haven’t tried. Fuck, have I tried. I’ve gone through my calendar and even tried to take off and see him on the weekends, but it just couldn’t happen. And when I could go, he was leaving to go on the road for three days.
It’s like the universe handed me this amazing gift on a silver platter. They gave me this brand-new sparkly gift. But then at the same time they went ahead and snatched it right back saying, “Joke’s on you, you can’t really fucking have it.”
Even though I try not to let it get to me, I have to admit that everything these days fucking sucks. Which fucking kills me because my work was my life. It was the most fucking fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. I loved going to work. Now it’s just fucking blah. I want to say it’s because I fucked up and my ass is now on the line, but it’s more than that.
The next day, I show up at the office bright and early and fake a smile to everyone before sitting at my desk. I’m literally going through the motions each day, and I catch myself during the day staring either at the computer screen or out the window. I keep looking for the answers. I keep wondering if this is worth it. I keep trying to tell myself that it will be all right.
For three straight days, his tone has been off. For three straight days, I pretend it’s not there. For three straight days, I fall asleep with tears in my eyes while I look at the picture of both of us taken a couple of months ago, yet it feels like it’s in another lifetime.
On the fourth day, I don’t know why, but I fucking snap. “What’s wrong?” I huff. “You’ve been weird the last couple of days.” Or for the last three weeks.
“Have I?” I don’t know if he’s asking me or testing me.
“You have.” I try not to flip out. “What’s wrong?”
“Well,” he starts, and I’m not sure I want to do this. Maybe we should just do what we’ve been doing, ignoring the big elephant in the room. “I asked to be traded.” I gasp in shock. “To Chicago.”
I close my eyes. “What? When?” I sit up straighter in bed, my heart hammering in my chest.
“About a month ago.” His voice that was weird for the past couple of days now sounds broken. “I had my agent try to perform a miracle, but it didn’t work out.” My eyes close as I listen to his words as they sink in.
“Stone.” I just say his name, only because a lump has now formed in my throat. This man, who I’ve let see the side of me not one other person has ever seen. The man who sat with me in his arms as I sobbed after losing the court case. The man who I thought was going to go away after we were together that first time.
“Yeah, I know.” He sighs. “I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try something.” Again, I stay silent. “Ryleigh, would you be willing to move to me?”
The question shocks me. “Um…” I hesitate. “It’s not that easy.”
“I know it’s not that easy. Nothing these past couple of months has been easy.”
