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“I was thinking,” he begins.
I try to figure out what to do with my hands as he walks slowly across the room, closing the distance between him and my bed.
Before I can find my ability to speak, he sits on the side of my bed.
Part of me wishes I had the courage to put him in his place, to remind him this is my private space, and that he has no business invading it, but my words freeze when he glances from his hands up to my face.
He doesn’t look like a man resigned to firing me. The desire that was so readable in his eyes last night is there once again.
“I was thinking,” he repeats. “Maybe we should reevaluate the rules.”
“Reevaluate,” I say, mulling over the word stupidly in my head.
He nods.
“Another amendment to the contract?”
“Nothing changes here,” he says, as he reaches into his back pocket, “during the daylight hours.”
My eyes lock on the long strip of condoms dangling from his pinched fingers.
“But the nights are ours to do with what we please.”
A thrill I shouldn’t feel takes control inside my body. I should honestly have a little better control of myself than I do right now. I fight the urge to yip with excitement because I’m grown and doing so would show my hand too much.
That alone should be the first clue that this isn’t the best idea. I’m finding myself more invested in him and what he has to offer than I should be after only one night together. It gives him too much power. I want to please him, to make him moan, to make him beg for more, and that is bigger than any red flag I ignored with Sam.
With Sam, he fashioned those desires, turned them so I was always trying to make him happy no matter if my needs were being met or not. My willingness to do them now makes me suspicious of Chase’s true intent.
Minutes ago, I felt like I could’ve been anyone to him, so why should I feel any different now that he’s sitting on my bed and smiling that very same smile he gave countless girls in high school.
I’m somehow both ecstatic at the offer, and ashamed at being ecstatic. I don’t know if it’s old wounds keeping me from seeing his true intentions or if I’m blaming old wounds for not giving him the benefit of the doubt.
“Why?” I ask. “Why me?”
“Seriously?” he asks, a frown taking over his handsome face as he lowers the strip of condoms to his lap.
“If we can’t speak truthfully to each other, then I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
My words don’t match the way I feel inside at all because the second they leave my lips, my head is screaming for me to not be so damned foolish.
But that also sounds a lot like my time with Sam.
I never felt good enough. I always felt like he was doing me a favor by being in a relationship with me. It was another one of his manipulations so I was always ready to please him, not just in the bedroom, but in every aspect of the time we spent together. It kept me from voicing my opinion because there was nothing worse than the disappointment in his eyes when he didn’t agree with me. Eventually, I had no voice, and if I’m going to take over my life, then I have to start now.
“We had an explosive night last night, Madison.” He licks at his lips, his eyes dropping to my mouth, making a zing of electric current run up my spine. “I want to feel more of what I felt last night.”
“Just sex,” I clarify. “It’s just sex?”
I spendthe next moment before he answers, trying to convince myself I can turn my head off and let my body feel all the pleasure he’s willing to offer me.
“Just sex,” he agrees. “When it’s over, it’s just over. No feelings. No emotions. No questioning the end.”
His agreement is what I demanded of him, but the second part of his agreement cuts some part deep inside of me.
What was I expecting the sexy hockey player to say? No, Madison, it’s more than sex. I’m in this for love?
What a joke, and not in a self-depreciating kind of way. The man has too much on his plate already. He’s got the boys, and his father’s store, and let’s not even think about that messy divorce he’s going through. He doesn’t have time for anything more with anyone.
