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I take a deep breath and say the words in one rush, no hesitation this time. “I think I might be pregnant.”
I can’t believe that’s the first time I’ve spoken the words out loud, and it’s in front of the three men who have hurt me more than anyone else in this world ever could. I didn’t mean to tell them. It just slipped out.
Not that I wouldn’t tell them – eventually. I just planned on getting my head around it first. And double, triple, quadruple checking.
Deciding…
Who am I kidding? There was never any choice to be made. If I couldn’t get rid of my baby when I thought it was The General’s, there’s no way I can get rid of a baby that’s Kaiden or Axel’s and not a product of rape. Things may be complicated between us all, but there’s no denying that I wanted to sleep with them. I have no regrets there.
“How?” Zie whispers, sounding betrayed. I can’t look at him. I couldn’t look at any of them. But now, as the anger that had cooled with Axel’s revelation surges through me again, I refuse to cower. I lift my chin and stare at Axel through angry, narrowed eyes.
“That’s what I would like to know too. Kaiden said you had me on birth control.” My voice hardens. Just because things are clearer now, doesn’t mean I’m letting them, lettinghimoff the hook for the things he’s done.
“I lied to him,” Axel replies with a nonchalant shrug that makes me see red. Motherfucker! I should have shot him twice.
“I checked with the doctor,” I retort, already knowing what he’s going to tell me.
“He lied to you too.”
My stomach sinks, and I sigh. Of course he did. Who isn’t in Axel’s pocket? Still, I can’t stop myself from asking why. “Because I paid him to.”
“Why?” I’m shaking now, from head to toe, hands fisted. The need to lash out, tohurtAxel is so overwhelming, I can barely hold myself back but his next words floor me.
“Because I needed you pregnant.”
Needed. Not wanted. Who the fuck says that? Whoneedsanother person to get pregnant? And why?
“Why? Why would you do that to a person?”To me,I silently add.
“It was the only way to keep you safe when you wouldn’t stay away.”
That makes no sense. What does he mean ‘when I wouldn’t stay away’? I didn’t know they were at Trinity and if I had, I probably would have run for the hills.
“So this is my fault? I’m to blame for coming to university, for wanting to get my life back on track, after I was systematically abused for months, locked in a convent, and forced to give up my baby?” I’m breathless by the time I’m finished, my throat as raw as my emotions. “Do you know how many times you have derailed, destroyed and completely fucked up my life? I wished I was dead so many times when The General was putting me through hell. When you ghosted me. Even a single message from one of you would have made that torment bearable, because I wouldn’t have been alone, but I got nothing. And now I can’t even take that route out, because you’ve shackled me to you once more with a second child.” With no outlet for my rage, it leaks out in frustrated tears. Which only makes me more mad, even as my heart breaks. “Why? Why would you do this to me? To keep mesafe? I’d rather you let me die. I can’t bring another child into this world that isn’t born from love.”
I take several deep breaths, forcing myself to calm down. And that’s the problem. Because I do love them. Still. Despite everything. But they don’t love me. How can they? It’s a one sided love, and that’s the same as no love at all.
“I do love you,” Axel says simply.
I shake my head as a pang hits my chest. Poor Axel. I almost feel sorry for him. I know that he truly believes he loves me, but he can’t.
“You don’t know what love is, Axel,” I tell him softly. The anger from before is just…not gone, but I guess I just don’t havethe energy to fight him anymore. Or at least, not right now. I just feel exhausted. “You only know control, coercion, and using your power to force compliance. That’s not love. I don’t blame you for not knowing how to love, because you’ve never been shown by your mother or your father. But me? I loved you. I would have shown you how to love.” I tear my gaze away from him and drink in the other two boys who broke my heart. “I loved the three of you so fiercely that I let you destroy me time and time again. But I won’t do it any more. This…whatever this was between us all…is over once and for all.”
“Odi—” Kaiden pleads, taking a step towards me. I step back, shaking my head. I don’t want any of them near me.
“No. No, Kaiden. You’re with him. You’re always on his side. The Holy Trinity. Forever bound and unfuckingbreakable,” I say bitterly. “Congratulations, boys, you fucking broke me instead. I’m done.”
I turn and go to walk away but someone grabs hold of my hair, yanking me back and forcing me to my knees. I stare up into the dead black eyes of Axel, and I’m shaken by how much like his father he looks.
He’s a stranger. He looks like he could kill me with one blow. Like hewantsto.
“You’ve said your piece and now you’ll hear mine. I have given my life to protecting you, Odile Kemp. Your ungrateful heart beats in your chest becauseI’vesacrificed everything to keep it doing so. I don’t give a flying fuck if you hate me. I welcome your hatred, your spark, your fire, because every day it reminds me that you are alive. Because. Of. Me. It reminds me that the scars I’ve borne were worth it. You are, always have been, and always will be,mine. We can never be over because our souls are entwined for all eternity. And you may not be happy with how your life has panned out, but at least you have a life. You. Are. Alive. And I will remind you of that every singleday. So bring your hatred, give me your best shot, do your worst. Fucking shoot me again if it makes you feel better. Because this isn’t over. Not by a long shot.”
He pauses, chest heaving with his own barely restrained emotions. He looks as though he wants to say something more, but stops himself. Instead, he removes his fingers from my hair and turns to address the others. I’m too shocked to move.
“Until she’s ready to be…more reasonable about these things, she’ll be a permanent guest in our home.” He snaps his fingers. “Kaiden. Zie. Take her to the house and make sure she can’t leave. If she tries anything, lock her in the basement. Or in a box.”
I gasp at the coldness of his tone, his words spearing me right through the heart. Zie and Kaiden exchange looks like they want to argue with him, but neither says anything. They profess to love me but they won’t stand up for me.
