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Underestimating Odile Kemp stops right now.
Axel reaches for his phone, his fingers swiftly tapping across the screen as he searches for the therapist’s contact information. “I’ll set up the appointment.”
“There’s something else I think we need to discuss. To me, it’s a pretty big elephant in the room. Maybe it makes perfect sense to the three of you, but I’m on the outside here, looking in,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Why did Axel and Kaiden both step forward for the paternity test? I mean, obviously I knowwhybut what I mean is, how come neither of you seemed to know about the other?”
The dust settles on that question and the same fear and pain is mirrored in all three of their gazes.What have I done?I think. I should have left it alone. Clearly this doesn’t concern me, so I shouldn’t be prying.
“My father,” Axel spits, “is one fucked up son of a bitch. Always has been. He’s played some of the most fucked up mind games I’ve ever come across, right from the age I was old enough to follow orders. When we left for Trinity, I never told you guys, but I was summoned by him back to Black Hallows on a regular basis.”
My stomach twists and it’s not at the realisation that Axel has lied to us. No. Something in his expression sickens me, and I almost want to hold my hand up to stop his next words from tumbling out of his mouth, but I can’t.
“He always liked to watch me fuck women…and worse. Refusal used to mean pretty severe beatings, but once he realised that I didn’t mind the physical pain, he found other ways to hurt me. To ensure my compliance. His favourite was to use metal boxes. His victims would be trapped inside, and orders were clear. There was always a gun to my temple, and the threat of all your lives on the line. When I refused, there were drugs, and I was forced into one of the boxes myself and made to endure…”
“Shit.” Odi looks like she’s seen a ghost.
“I thought I was keeping you all safe,” Axel finishes, his voice cracking on the last word.
“Safe?” Odi spits, then forces a hand to her mouth in an attempt to keep the rage in. I’m desparate to comfort her, but I know right now I’m not doing much better myself, and we both know if either of us bites back now, Axel will clam up and the discussion will be done.
“It was the same for me,” Kaiden adds quickly, and I wonder if he can feel how close Odi is to losing it. I know he must.
“Not as frequently as Axel by the sounds of things, but more than a few times. I hated it. Hated myself after. I tried everything I could to get rid of memories of what I was forced to do. Nothing worked. Which is why I started cutting again. Until it just stopped one day…no more demands to go to Deathfalls. No more evenings trapped in that basement with a gun to my temple making me to unquestionable things to whoever was in the box.”
I swallow hard. “So you were both forced to?—”
“Don’t make me say it out loud, mate,” Kaiden says with a pained grimace. “Just don’t.”
I look at Odi, she’s visibly shaking, and it dawns on me.
“You didn’t know it was Axel and Kaiden because you never saw their faces. You were in the box.”
She nods once, a violent involuntary response.
“Fuck.”
What should I say? How do I comfort these three fractured souls? How have Kaiden and Axel managed to live with the guilt? How can Odi stand to look at them, knowing… They had no choice. None of them had any choice.
“I don’t understand….” I mutter before realising I spoke out loud.
“What, Zie? What’s so hard to get your head around?” Kaiden snaps. I know he doesn’t mean it, it’s a defence mechanism he uses when he’s spiralling. Hurt people hurt people.
“Why I was spared.”
The statement is leaden and loaded, and the answering silence is deafening, and it means I’m not the only one thinking that.
I need to move this conversation on before we’re all lost to our melancholy thoughts.
“Odi,” I say carefully, one thing still niggling at me. “You said you reached out to us. I never got any form of communication from you. I thought you were mad at me for what I said and did when we were leaving, but I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t give me the time of day to apologise or explain.”
“I was mad, but I’d never cut you from my life the way you guys did me.”
“But that’s what I’m trying to say,I didn’t.”
Odi looks at me, her eyes searching for the truth within my words, a mixture of hurt and confusion etched on her face. She takes a deep breath, her voice trembling slightly as she speaks, “You didn’t shut me out?”
“No, Odi,” I reply earnestly, my grip on her hand tightening. “I would never do that to you. I tried to reach out, to apologise and make things right between us. So many times.”
The room falls silent as the weight of our miscommunication hangs in the air.
