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I don’t know what to do. This changes everything. I can’t stay with Axel and Kaiden now, not after everything that’s happened between us. But I don’t know how to be a single mother either. What should I do? Get a taxi back to Death Falls, show up on Mrs Montgomery’s doorstep and demand she hands my child over? I can’t do that.
I feel lost and alone, despite the fact that I now know who the father of my child is.
As we walk out of the hospital, Axel approaches me tentatively. “I don’t know what to say,” he murmurs, his eyes downcast. “I never meant for this to happen.”
No, but it sounds like your father did.
I don’t respond, my mind racing with conflicting emotions. On the one hand, I’m furious with him for what he did to me. On the other, I can’t help but feel a strange sense of relief that at least we know the truth now. And I’m sickeningly grateful that Rose isn’t The General’s like I always thought.
Anyone would have been better than him, whatever the circumstances.
Axel reaches out to touch my arm, and I pull away, the gesture feeling like a violation after everything that’s happened between us. “I need some time and space to think,” I say, my voice strained.
He nods, looking hurt and defeated. I can’t bring myself to feel sorry for him, not after what he’s done.
As I walk away, I can feel their eyes on me, their gazes burning into my back. I take a deep breath and try to push the overwhelming emotions aside. Right now, I need to focus on what’s best for Rose.
But how can I do that when everything feels so uncertain and confusing? How can I be a good mother when my life is in such chaos? I don’t have the answers yet, but I know that I need to start looking for them.
Apparently, if I’m going to learn how to take a life with a knife, I need to learn how to take a blade.
I’m less keen on getting stabbed. I wouldn’t mind if it was a lesson in self defence, or how to avoid being stabbed, but it isn’t. It’s just me taking a beating and a blade and they call it character building.
I think my character’s been built up enough.
My father laughed when I told him that, and he cut me again.
I fall apart as soon as I get back to the girls’ flat. Lou quickly whisks me away from the others, citing ’guy trouble’ as the cause of my upset. They give us knowing looks as she gently guides me to her room, her eyes filled with concern and her hand squeezing my shoulder for comfort.
Locking the door behind us, she points for me to sit on her bed, throws me a soft, comforting pillow to cuddle, and flopsdown next to me on the mattress. She wraps her arms around me, her body language conveying her support and empathy, and I lean into her, seeking solace.
“Tell me everything,” she demands, her brow furrowed in deep concern, her eyes never leaving mine, and her fingers gently tracing soothing patterns on my back. And I do.
Every single tiny detail of my childhood growing up with the guys, my confusing teenage feelings towards all three of them, watching Kaiden die on me, starting a secret relationship with Zie, Axel’s baby drama, and the night he snuck into my room. I tell her about the betrayal and hurt I felt when they left and dropped me, before reentering my life as a nightmare. I explain about The General and his friends, the torture I suffered at their hands, and the fear that still lingers deep within me. As I recount my story, tears well up in my eyes, and Lou wipes them away gently, her face mirroring the pain she feels for me.
How alone I was the entire time, because my mother had become a stranger to me. I tell her everything, my voice trembling with emotion. Lou nods in understanding, her grip on me tightening as if to anchor me to the present.
I share the painful memory of Rose being ripped from my arms, leaving me to piece my life back together with no home, no family, no money… nothing. Lou’s eyes glisten with tears, and she pulls me closer, her body a warm and comforting shield against the memories.
Then I move on to my time at Trinity. The tattoo, the games, my conflicting emotions with the boys of my past. The dinner with The General, my mother’s ashes, moving in with the guys. Rose. The truth coming out, the paternity test, the results, every tiny detail of my life…all so intrinsically linked to The Holy Trinity that once I start, I’m unable to leave a single stone unturned.
By the time I’m done, my throat hurts from talking so much and swallowing past the raw emotion, and Lou has raged for me, cried with me, and held me in her arms, her face a mirror of the feelings that have coursed through me. Together we’ve been through the full spectrum of emotions, and now we share a sense of exhaustion, our bodies leaning against each other for support.
“So what happens now?” she asks when I finish with the big reveal of Rose being Axel’s, her expression a mixture of concern and curiosity.
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly, my shoulders slumping with the weight of uncertainty.
“I don’t trust Abbot senior. He’s sketchy as fuck, why is he so happy?” Lou’s brows furrow, her lips pressed in a thin line, and her arms cross over her chest defensively.
“I don’t know, but I agree with you. He’s always terrified me, but he was way too pleased that Axel is Rose’s dad. He said something at the clinic... I’m trying to remember exactly how he worded it, but it put me on edge.”
“What was it?”
“Something like the result being exactly what it was meant to be.”
“What? What’s so weird? It sounds like—” Lou’s eyes widen in realisation, but I quickly cut her off, not wanting to say the words out loud, the fear of what might be lurking in the shadows.
“I know.”
