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Father spent the summer teaching me knife craft. It’s an art form. Deadly but beautiful.
I like it even more than the guns. You can get close, personal. Feel hot blood on your hands.
My father laughed when I told him that, but he seemed pleased.
I’ve met Kaiden and Zie’s next door neighbour. Her name’s Odile and she’s funny. She stood up to me when I got bossy, and I liked it because being bossy reminds me of my Father, and I don’t want to be like him.
Not really.
I feel rough. It’s been the longest fortnight of my life waiting for today to roll around, and now that it’s here, I’d give anything to push it back to tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or some time next century.
Hell, I’d even take another week of vomiting my guts up and not being able to keep anything down over this.
I know that Axel pushed the results day back by a week because of the fire and the hospital keeping Zie in for a couple of days, and I know he made the right choice, but it hasn’t made waiting any easier and I’ve been driving myself insane going around and around in circles, thinking about the possible outcomes and next steps after today.
Rose is my daughter, and even though I have fuck all to offer her – especially compared to the Montgomerys – I want her back. Is it the right thing to want? I don’t know. Is it selfish as fuck? Probably.
I’m so torn.
I don’t care who the father is. The result doesn’t change a damn thing: The Father is a monster, and I don’t want him anywhere near meormy daughter.
There is no best case scenario here. No silver lining. Whoop de do if Rose doesn’t belong to one of the fathers of the boys I thought I loved. She’s still the daughter of a rapist, however you look at it.
Being Axel’s or Kaiden’s might even be worse. At least The General and his friends never pretended to love me.
Logically, I know there must be some sort of explanation for their actions. But I’m not feeling very logical right now. They’d probably accuse me of beingemotional,but I’d say I’m feeling violent. Downright fucking stabby.
Or I would be, if I had the energy. This stomach bug has taken it out of me, and it was all I could do to get out of bed today and dressed to be here. Thank god for Lou. She insisted on doing my hair and makeup, and it’s almost enough to fool onlookers that I’m okay.
I don’t keep them waiting this time. I arrive first in a taxi and pace outside the clinic like a caged animal, impatient and nauseous and…scared.
Fucking terrified, in fact.
I’m not so naive to think that they’ll bring Rose with them today, or that once her fucking parentage is confirmed that I’ll be allowed to take her. They won’t give her up so easily. I’m about to have the fight of my life on my hands. But I’m ready for it. I’m prepared.
And maybe knowing who Rose’s father is, maybe her being Kaiden’s or Axel’s, can help me in that fight.
A car pulls up and I freeze, only relaxing once Zie steps out. He comes straight over to me and gives me a quick hug, which I return. I’ve not seen him since the night I stayed in hospital with him, and neither of us has mentioned it when I’ve texted to see how he is. But things feel less…tense between us now. There’s still a massive chasm, but I feel like we’ve started to build a bridge to find our way back to each other.
“How are you doing?” he asks with a sympathetic smile.
“I should be asking you that,” I reply with a small shrug.
Kaiden and Axel exit the car and come over to join us. Their presence makes me tense a little, but the hostility I felt before just isn’t there now. We can deal with the past when the time is right. Right now, I know I’ll need them if I’m to stand any chance of getting Rose back, so I’m prepared to work with them for the time being. I think. Maybe the outcome of this meeting will change that.
As we make our way inside the clinic, the sweat accumulates on my palms and my heart pounds loudly. This is it. The moment of truth.
The waiting room is empty, save for a couple of chairs and a small desk where a nurse sits, typing away on her computer. She looks up as we enter and gives us a small smile before gesturing for us to take a seat.
We all sit down, but I can’t seem to shake off the feeling of unease that’s settled deep in my stomach. I try to distract myself by fidgeting with my fingers, but it’s no use. The clock on thewall seems to be ticking slower than ever before, making the wait feel even longer.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the nurse calls out my name. My heart leaps into my throat, and I get up quickly, almost stumbling in my haste.
I follow her down a long hallway, my mind racing with all the possibilities of what the results could say. Will I be forced to face the reality that she belongs to one of the men who have my heart but who hurt me? Or is she the product of a monster?
My nerves are shot by the time we reach the door to the room where the results are waiting. The nurse gives me a reassuring smile before stepping aside to let me enter.
Inside, the doctor from before is sitting at a desk, shuffling through papers. He looks up as I walk in and gives me a small smile which I can’t return.
