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“Sleeping with him?” he asks, startled.
I cock an eyebrow. “Yeah, you know? That thing you do when you’re dating someone.”
He clears his throat before lowering his voice to a whisper again as people walk by. “You don’t believe in love, remember?”
“Love?” I giggle. “Who said anything about love?”
“Maybe I don’t want to see him get hurt.”
The words would be sweet, but his tone gives him away. This isn’t about his brother. This is about him telling me what to do.
I give him a fake, sweet smile. “Well, Mack is an adult. I’m sure he’s perfectly capable of being able to decide if a casual relationship is for him or not.”
I begin walking away again when his voice stops me. “Addison.”
I glance back over my shoulder, and his eyes are pleading. I raise my eyebrows in question, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“Yes?” I ask, annoyed.
He continues to stare at me for a moment before finally relenting, turning around and walking away without saying anything else.
My heart sinks slightly at the sight of him being upset, but that only lasts for a moment. I have no reason to feel guilty. In fact, fuck that! I already promised myself I’d never let another man make me feel guilty again. I promised.
Chapter 7
4 Months Ago
Idon’t know what to feel right now. I’m happy. I’m so fucking happy. I know that’s not right though. Everything about this is off.
My heart leaps in my chest when I see the text notification from Chris just like it has every time before this. I shouldn’t want to talk to him, but that doesn’t change the fact that I do. I read his message right away to make sure he’s not upset with me. I’m so scared every message is going to be the last again.
Chris:Do you think I ever stopped loving you? Because I haven’t.
Relief floods my body. I inhale like I haven’t breathed for a month. I still don’t understand though. I reread through the messages we’ve sent to each other the past couple of days after he finally replied to my messages.
My heart clenches when I think about what I did, and shame washes over me. I couldn’t get ahold of him. I didn’t have a choice. I needed an explanation.
I spiraled out of control after I found out he was marrying someone else without so much as a “Nice knowing ya!” A whole month had passed with radio silence. It seemed he deleted our texting app all together, so I resorted to emailing him. I may have implied I was going to reach out to his new fiancé to find out what was going on. I’m not even sure if she knows about me or how long they have been together.
God, why am I so pathetic? I really blackmailed him into talking to me.
It doesn’t matter though. It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never had a happier moment in my life than when I saw the email notification pop up on my phone with his name. I didn’t care what he said or why. It only mattered that he was talking to me again.
Chris:We need to talk. Please message me back asap.
Me:Oh, now you need to talk?
Chris:Yes, you don’t understand. I broke my phone. I had no way of getting ahold of you.
I fall back against my pillow, trying to decide what to do. I’m not really sure what to say. I want to tell him I love him with everything I am. That I never stopped loving him either. That I’ll never stop loving him. I’m scared though. I’m scared because I don’t know what to think right now. I reread over a few more of the messages again, trying to figure out how he really feels.
Chris:Just give me a couple weeks. I’ll explain more. Just give me some time.
???
He never needed more time.
I touch up my eyeliner in the bathroom at the bar, trying to remember why I can’t ever let myself fall for another man. I’m just not capable of handling it. I love too hard. I give up too much of myself. I humiliate myself.
