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“It’s delicious,” Finn shoots back. He sounds genuine, not like he’s just trying to be kind, which is nice. “Really good.”
“Like I said, June has been cooking all afternoon.” Dad laughs while tossing his head back with mirth. “So it had better be good.”
The jokes continue, shooting back and forth over my head, but I say nothing. This definitely isn’t a conversation that I want to get in the middle of, and I don’t think I could even if I tried. It doesn’t include me. The guy whom I have these kinds of feelings for should be someoneIcan have a conversation with, not my parents. This is a reminder that it’s all wrong…
But then Finn catches my eyes. Our gazes lock, and a thickness swirls around us. The air becomes so intense that it’s challenging to breathe. I can’t break the magic of this look even if I want to. Not that I want to. I like this feeling. Finn and I seem to be locked into a bubble that only we are party to. My parents are now the ones locked out. I can’t stop myself from feeling special as we smile at one another, as he looks at me like he wants to eat me alive. I’ll let him, I just know it.
How the hell my parents can’t sense what’s going on is beyond me. This feels so overwhelming that I’msureit can’t be obvious to only me and him. The whole room must be able to feel it. But thank goodness, no one seems to want to comment on it. Not even us. We let it slide over us, allow it to roll over us, so the conversation can continue.
“So, business is good?” Dad continues with the same easygoing tone of voice as before. He knows nothing. I’m confident of it. There’s no way he would just say nothing if he thought that there was something going on between us. “Sorry, I know I said no talking about work.” He laughs. “I just mean in general. Things going well with sales and everything like that?”
Finn launches into a speech of how well his company is doing, and for a moment, I bask in the glory of being a part of that. I might have only been a part of it for a day, but I’m still a part of it. Being a member of something so much bigger than myself is great. I’m a cog in a machine and I love it. It’s something that I want to keep up for as long as I can.
I shift in my seat without really thinking about the fact that there’s another at dinner today. My leg kicks out, and I accidently catch Finn’s with my own. It’s almost as if I’m playing footsie with him, really flirting with the man who’s my boss. Just because there is something in the air, hanging between Finn and me, doesn’t mean I should act on it.
A heat flames through my entire body. It burns and cascades through me, heating up my cheeks terribly. I know I must be bright red, which only makes this even more awkward. Now Finn is going to know that I’m embarrassed, that I’m a mess over this. I might snatch my leg backward, but I can feel Finn’s eyes piercing through me questioningly. The damage has been done. IknowI can’t meet his gaze now. I will literally crumble and fall apart. I need to get away to calm myself the hell down.
“I’m just going to get some water,” I gasp out as I scrape my chair back and leap up. I’m sure I’m getting some strange looks from my parents at the moment, but I don’t care. I can’t see either of them. I need to be alone. “I’ll be back.”
“I’ll have one too,” Mom calls after me, making my heart sink. “Just a small glass of water, though, please, Stella.”
I’m happy to make her a glass as long as she doesn’t follow me. I really need to be alone while I stop myself from falling into this dizziness. My God, being around Finn is hard. It’s so challenging that I almost want to walk away from the job just to stop thisunbearable tension. But I love the job, I adore it, and I want to keep on working at the company. I don’t see anyone else hiring me quite so easily. I don’t want to have to start over a second time. This mess has been crushing enough.
No, instead, I need to figure out a way to stop myself from feeling likethis.I need to find a way to shut this shit down, and since touching myself in the bathroom at work didn’t help—it simply made me ache for him more—I need to find another way…
“Sorry, I’m just here to get some more wine.” There is amusement in Finn’s voice. I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes because the person I have come to get away from is here to torture me some more. “Can I get the bottle?”
“Sure,” I whisper back, unable to form proper words. I pass him the bottle, all while not meeting his eyes. “Here.”
He takes his time pouring out his wine, and because I needsomethingto distract me, I sort out the glass of water that I promised Mom. I make one for myself as well, even though I know I’m too nervous to drink anything right now. With Finn this close to me, I can hardly hold myself together. I might not be looking at him, but I’m acutely aware of every inch of his body.
The tension is unbearable. I can’t breathe because of it. It feels like it’s creeping all the way through my body and stiffening me up. I don’t know how to act. I know that I need to do something, but I’m not sure what. I really can’t think.
“Do you want a glass of wine?” Finn asks, still sounding bemused. I feel like he’s getting a kick out of this, but instead of annoying me, it thrills me in a brand-new way. I feel naughty with him,knowingthat we’re both doing something wrong.
“Er, sure.” I offer Finn a rapid one-shouldered shrug. I want to sound blasé and calm, but I can’t really pull it off. “A glass of wine sounds nice. Thank you.” I grab a glass and hold it out toward him, trying to look calm. “I’d like white, please.”
I can’t help but meet his eyes as he pours the drink, and as our eyes connect, I feel that intense magnetic pull dragging us together, pulling us closer in a way that’s completely out of my control. Even as my body edges that little bit nearer to him, I don’t feel like I’m the one doing it. It’s almost as if Finn is the one with all the power right now and I’m just doing what he wants, what he commands, and I don’t even mind. I’m more than happy to be soaked in by him, controlled by what he needs of me.
We’re about to kiss.That feeling strikes me hard, really hard as Finn tilts his head to one side and leans in a little bit. I can feel his breath tickling my lips.This man is everything that I can’t want… but I do. I want him to kiss me. I need him.
My father is in the other room, my mom too. They could walk in at any moment, yet I can’t seem to stop myself from rising onto my tiptoes to greet him too. I shouldn’t want this, but I do. I shouldn’t do this, but I’m going to. I need to.
“I need to get myself a beer.” Dad’s voice and laughter snap us apart. It shatters the magic of the moment, causing Finn and me to snap apart like we’ve been electrocuted. “The booze is going down a little too easily tonight, don’t you think?”
I’m not going to be able to hide myself away from Dad. He will only have to look at me to see that I’m a goddamn mess. I duck my head low and mumble an excuse before racing into the dining room once more to get away from the men. I can hear Finn and my father chatting happily and at ease in the other room, which only amps up my anxiety even more.
“Are you okay, Stella?” Mom asks me as I hand her the water. “You look a little bit shaken up.”
“Just tired.” The excuse rolls off my tongue easily. “I think I might head to bed in a moment. Get ready for tomorrow.”
She frowns, almost suspiciously, but only for a second. As soon as the look vanishes from her face, I wonder if it was there at all or if that was just my own paranoia shining through. I wouldn’t put it past my brain to trick me.
“Okay, yeah. I’m sure you’ve had a busy day today and you have another one tomorrow. You go when you want.”
I glug the rest of my wine down quickly before kissing my mom goodnight and slinking off to go to my bedroom. I just can’t stand the idea of sitting around with Finn any longer, knowing how I feel about him and how he seems to feel about me as well. Knowing that we almost kissed with my parents in the other room. It’s too much now, it’s too intense. I can’t stand it. I need to get the hell up to my bedroom where I can finally relax. Today has been a crazy one, a roller coaster, and I need my space.
But I can’t escape what just almost happened. I can’t hide away from the kiss that almost happened. I can still feel the anticipation and adrenaline coursing through my veins, taking me back to that moment once more. Standing in front of him, near to him, inhaling his delicious masculine scent, feeling the gorgeous sensation of his breath tickling my lips, moments away from claiming me forever… in that moment, he was a lion and I a lamb, ready to be eaten alive.
