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‘No. I won’t let this go. Don’t treat me like an idiot.’
‘Well, stop acting like one!’
His words hit her like a slap across the face. Indignation rose in equal measure to her anger. The silent scream in her head threatened to find a voice. Instead, she turned on her heel. Moving as fast as her feet could carry her down the stairs, she slammed the front door and stormed into the street without bothering to check the shadows or the crowds for danger.
ChapterTwenty-Six
The roar in her head consumed all of her senses. She could hear nothing, see nothing, feel nothing. She wanted to run but knew that would draw unwanted attention. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her for protection. Not from any external threats, but from her own emotions. The voice inside her head cut across everything else.
Was he deaf? Could he not hear John say over and over again that everything he did with Alison was a partnership? Of course not. How could he even think of her on that level?I’m an idiot. He just told me so.
Sarah headed to the river. To water. Maybe that would calm her mind.
She remained oblivious to the tourists that pushed themselves out of her path. She had no idea she had taken on much of the persona she so loathed in Alex. She didn’t even notice how often people took one look at her and got out of her way.
I was so happy when he told me where we were going-the good old days!‘We’re getting on a ferry for Holland.’Maybe if I’d pushed harder then?
Sarah could see the archway in the stone wall ahead. Beyond, lay the Rhone. She knew she could turn right and wait for the ferry that shuttled people back and forth across the river. Or walk to her left and follow the bicycle path across the bridge. She did neither, choosing to dodge cars as she made her way to the promenade and the edge of the water. It gave her the opportunity to run as she manoeuvred through the traffic. Now she stood, breathing heavily as she took in the view like dozens of other tourists. Except she wasn’t like anyone else. Not here, not anywhere.
She continued the argument in her head. It wouldn’t have mattered.He wouldn’t have listened to me. I don’t have any contacts. I don’t know anyone who could help us. I don’t know anything.
She wanted to scream.
‘Excuse me?’ A young man and woman stood beside her, map in hand. Their accents were English. ‘Do you know how we get to—?’
‘No.’ Her eyes glared a clear warning to the couple not to question her further. A quiet gasp escaped from the young woman as her companion held his hands up in deference.
‘Alright then, love. No ‘arm in asking the question, is it?’
They backed away for a few steps before turning tail and walking quickly in the opposite direction.
Sarah directed her attention back to the water and the heated discourse that raged inside her. He was so adamant that she never tell a soul John was still alive - that he and Alison had created a whole new life for themselves - but who would she tell?
I know nobody. There is no village of kindly locals to take me under their wing.
She’d only suggested they tell his brother in a last-ditch effort to get one bloodthirsty bunch of criminals off their backs. It wasn’t like she wanted to offer John and Alison up to slaughter to save their hides. The memory of his reaction had her head shaking in fury. She wrapped her arms around her chest again, breathing in and out until the roar died down.
I know we can’t go home. But we have to go somewhere. There must be someplace safe. Somewhere we can live without the constant threat.
An ache had replaced the roar, taking hold across the top of her head. It seemed to sap all of the anger and aggressive energy and replace it with blanket pain that grew stronger with every passing minute. Nausea crept inside her stomach. She felt drained.
Did he think they could run like this for years? There had to be another way. John and Alison proved that.
We could have that one day. A real partnership. A family.
Tears clouded her vision. Wearily she turned and headed towards the old stone bridge that reached halfway across the Rhone. She didn’t have the energy to dodge oncoming traffic and the old bridge, while teeming with tourists, still offered the easiest passage across the road. Once back inside the ancient walls of Avignon, she trudged her way towards the city center, avoiding the main square. Her bones seemed heavier, burdened by grief and isolation. She needed to sit. She wanted the pain in her head and the queasiness in her belly to subside. And then, she needed to think.
The whole apartmentreverberated with the force of the front door slamming. He watched her angry march up the street and out of view, fighting his usual reaction to give chase. She’d managed just fine the last four days without him, she didn’t need him shadowing her like some kind of bodyguard. Hell, she didn’t need him at all. She’d been doing fine without him in her life. Alex swallowed the bile that rose with his thoughts.
He couldn’t make her understand. It’s not that her ideas were bad, they just didn’t apply in this world. Of course, she didn’t understand, how could she? This wasn’t her world. But he’d thrown her into it, given her no choice.
Hopelessness settled in his gut as he dragged himself away from the window. His eyes searched the living room and kitchen for something, anything that might give him a clue about what to do now. Finding nothing, he walked to the stairs in the hall. His hand rested heavily on the banister as he summoned the strength to carry himself upstairs.
Every part of his body ached. He’d traveled by public transport or by foot to search for Jizzy. He’d barely stopped to rest at all. He knew he shouldn’t have looked for him, he should have listened to his own intuition. It had done no good for any of them.
He let himself fall onto the bed, rolling until he landed on his back, still wearing his jacket and shoes. He’d removed his gun when he got back to the apartment.
Alex knew why he’d gone; because she asked him too. Because he wanted so much to do something,anything, that might please her, and appease his guilt.
