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The same thoughts kept turning over in Sarah’s mind, only creating more questions, never any answers.
One evening they sat in the living room of their little apartment. The television flickered opposite them, the sound turned down on the local news. The remains of dinner, half-eaten and forgotten lay on the coffee table in front of the old leather sofa they sat on. The sofa was a two-seater but it felt as though there was a mile between them. It was as if her Alex had stayed in Beaune, leaving the biker in his place as her protector once more. She turned on her side to face him.
‘We should talk… about what to do next. Where should we go?’
Alex continued to stare straight ahead. Sarah studied his face as she waited for him to answer. His dark hair was tucked behind his ears, looking somehow perfect in its unkempt state. Two days of facial hair darkened his grimacing jaw. His tired, blue eyes narrowed as he breathed in.
‘We’ll stay put for now.’
Sarah blanched. That’s it? Alex didn’t appear to have anything more to say. She wasn’t going to give up that easily. She considered her options and stayed with the gentle approach.
‘You think we’re safe? Isobel hasn’t figured out where we went?’
‘Well obviously I don’t know that,’ he snapped as he pulled himself off the sofa and stalked towards the door.
‘No.’ Sarah struggled to her feet. ‘Don’t shut me out.’
‘What do you want me to say, Sarah? I don’t know how many will come after us?’
Sarah stared open-mouthed as he took the stairs to the bedroom above. She heard the pain in his voice, but she needed him to talk to her. Maybe they could figure it out together, if he’d just open up again. Her nails cut deep as she squeezed her hands into fists. She drew in one ragged breath after another, trying to calm the fire inside. To no avail.
‘Screw this,’ she muttered and followed Alex. With one hand on the wall and the other holding her healing wound, her feet echoed on the timber stairs as she made no attempt to disguise her arrival or her mood.
He was sitting on the bed, head in hands, rubbing his temples.
‘Stop protecting me, or whatever it is you think you’re doing.’
He didn’t lift his head from his hands.
‘I get there’s no magic solution here. But you have to stop treating me like a burden.’ Alex stopped rubbing his head.
‘I’m sorry I got shot and screwed everything up. I’m sorry I’m slowing you down.’
Alex rose and moved towards her in one fluid motion. Surprise and confusion etched in his face. ‘Sarah, I—’
‘No,’ she stepped away. ‘You can’t go back. We’re in this together now. All the way.’
Alex knewhe’d been acting like a moody teenager. He’d never had to deal with so many conflicting emotions before. The guilt over Sarah getting shot had completely overtaken the magnitude of guilt he’d felt at putting her in this mess. He was proud of the way she’d handled herself, but so afraid at how close he’d come to losing her.
The anger was all-consuming. Anger at The Devils, Brian Isobel, the hacks Isobel had sent to kill them. Mostly he was angry with himself. At how his past could come for them time and again. It wasn’t just the people connected to those he’d killed. He guessed there’d be the opportunists, those who would want the scalp of Alex ‘Hollywood’ Riley. Not to mention the bounty on his head.
Now Sarah was angry. He took a moment to marvel at the strength she’d found within herself. She no longer wanted to be the damsel in distress, and she’d proven she was far from that now. It was definitely taking some getting used to. Sarah had always been strong, but this was a new found resilience. A tougher exterior, a more adaptable mindset. He prayed her kind heart hadn’t been turned to stone… yet.
The truth was he was struggling to understand his own internal torment and couldn’t find the words to let her in. He’d returned to his default setting; an emotionless void. The same place he went to when he was on the job.
Then there was the not-so-small matter of his conscience. He’d sworn he’d never reveal Jizzy’s secret, for both their sakes. The intrusion of Brian Isobel’s goons in Beaune couldn’t be a coincidence. But he’d told no one except Sarah, and there’d been no one for her to tell. Everything was a mess again.
Sarah tooka calming breath and started again. ‘There has to be a way for us to be free.’
Alex shrugged. ‘How?’
She bit her lip. ‘Stop shutting me out, for starters.’ She moved across the room to kneel in front of him, placing her hands on his thighs. ‘I love you, Alex. I know you love me. Please, let’s figure this out together.’
An idea rearranged itself in her head, and like a light in the dark, a thought occurred to her.
Jizzy.
He had escaped. He’d started again. And not alone. He had taken his girlfriend and they’d started a family. That had been over a year ago.
