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Sarah stared at him. This must be a joke. What about her job? Her flat? Heather?
Alex reached out, placing his hand on her knee. ‘I wish it could be different, but they’ll never stop looking for me. For us. I’m sorry.’
He’s sorry?He effectively ended her life, everything she’d worked for, and he’s sorry.She pushed his hand away.
I’m an idiot. If I’d just gone to the police in London. If I hadn’t let him talk me into trusting him.
‘You know what Alex, fuck you. You come into my life, you make me fall in love with you and then you break my heart. Just when I finally get my life back together, you turn up and guess what? Now these psychos want to kill me, because of you.’
Sarah was on her feet, pacing, gesticulating.
‘Oh, and if they don’t actually kill me, I’ll have to play dead anyway.’ She spun on her heel, her face landing an inch from Alex’s. ‘Did I miss anything?’
She was shouting now and she didn’t care who could hear her.
‘No. I forgot one thing.’ She straightened up. ‘You’re a fucking psycho too.’
Alex sat, like a child being reprimanded by an irate parent. His jaw twitched in acknowledgement as her last comment hit a nerve.
‘Seven? Is that right? That’s the number of people you’ve murdered.’ Her voice was gruff, dropping in volume but not intensity. ‘Wait, does that include the guy who bled out in my living room?’
The color had drained from his face, his shoulders slumped. He was hurting and she wanted to drive another nail in. ‘That would make it eight. Eight people you murdered.’ She spat the last word and spun away. She couldn’t bear to look at him.
The sudden quiet was charged. Sarah stared at a stain on the wall. Minutes passed.
‘I’m sorry. Really, I am.’
Her anger slowly rolled off her. When she finally spoke, it was a quiet appeal.
‘What am I supposed to do now?’
ChapterEleven
Alex felt hollow, as though in the act of unburdening himself, he’d given away some of the steel that held him together. He ached for Sarah. Being so close to her but not being able to touch her, to talk with her the way they’d always done, was a new form of torture. All the more reason for him to stay focused and free from emotion.
He’d tried to comfort her, when she’d asked him what she was supposed to do now, but she turned away from him, locking herself in the bathroom. Probably so she didn’t have to look at him, and see who he really was.
Tiredness was crowding in now. He really needed to make the most of the ferry crossing and get some sleep. He pulled the top bunk down and found another pillow and blanket in the wardrobe. He was about to make up the bunk when Sarah emerged from the bathroom, her face pale except for her reddened eyes.
He left the blanket on the bench seat and waited for her to give him a clue as to what she needed from him.
‘I need to get some sleep.’ Her voice was small.
He nodded. ‘Me too.’
‘Is it, I mean, are we safe on the ferry?’
‘I think so.’
He moved to the door and double-checked the lock, slotting the chain into place. Not that it would make much difference. Anyone who really wanted to get into the cabin could probably do so with a firm shoulder into the timber-veneered door.
Sarah slid into the lower bunk. Even if she’d invited him to share, there was barely room for one person to lie down. He noticed she kept her shoes on - how quickly she was learning the art of survival. She pulled the blanket over her shoulders, her back to the wall.
He resumed his position on the bench seat across from her. Sarah’s hands were tucked under her pillow, making it clear she wanted no physical contact with him.
He held her fear-filled gaze for a minute, until her eyelids fluttered. A few minutes later her breathing deepened and she succumbed to sleep. He reached over and flicked off the cabin light, plunging the room into darkness. Wrapping the discarded blanket around his shoulders, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He could make out Sarah’s features against the stark white pillow. She must hate him now. More than before. For the second time in twenty-four hours, he watched her sleep.
He let the ache in his heart roam free. It drowned out all other thoughts and he welcomed the pain. He wanted to suffer, to feel. For great chunks of time in his life, he hadn’t felt anything. The pain reminded him he was human underneath the monster’s exterior. He could still feel because she’d once loved him. Alex held onto that as his breathing slowed and he let himself be lulled into sleep’s waiting arms.
