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I try to distract myself with my phone, scrolling through socials, and then they call my name, and I look up to see that Carter is gone and my coffee is waiting.
I grab it and head back toward the hotel. Carter is not that far ahead of me, and my stomach spirals faster with every step we take. Why did I take him to that club? I didn’t want to scare him off by telling him how hard I’d fallen for him, but instead, I scared him into the arms of another guy. A big muscle guy who looks like he could totally sweep him off his feet. I can’t watch him fall for someone else. But Brendan and I share the room, so it’s not like I can avoid seeing them together. Unless they go for a walk or something and not back up to the room. I step inside reception and find Carter leaning against one of the ornate poles. The elevator chimes and the second the doors open and Brendan lays eyes on this Carter guy, his lips spread into the biggest smile, and he launches himself at him. Carter manages to move one arm to the side, saving the tray of coffees just in time.
I step to the side, hiding behind a plant, and pray he doesn’t see me. Peeking over my shoulder, I watch them step into the elevator, all smiles and big dimples, and my stomach sinks. I used to make him smile like that.
I wait until the elevator numbers show it moving up before I come out of hiding and move over to press the button. Hopefully, by the time I get up there, they are already in his room, and I won’t have to see them. I know I brought this on myself. It was my stupid idea to go out, for him to see whatelse was out there. Did I secretly hope he saw all of that and only wanted me. Well, duh. Fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I’m a dickhead.
I pause at the door to our hotel room listening for their voices, but the doors in this place are heavy and pretty soundproof, so I can’t hear a thing. I can’t stand in the hallway forever. I should shower, and I made plans with the rest of the writers to meet for breakfast too before we all head over to the field in an hour or so.
I close my eyes for a moment and take a breath, then swipe my card and stroll on inside like there’s totally nothing weird.
They’re standing at the window, backs to me, but they both turn the second I’m through the door.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey,” Carter replies with a thin smile before looking at Brendan.
“We got you coffee,” Brendan says, his gaze moving to the takeaway cup in my hand. “But looks like you got your own, so.”
“I did, but umm, thanks.” The silence that follows is super fucking awkward. “I’m just grabbing my computer, some of the writers were meeting for breakfast before we head over if you…”
“We’ll be there soon, I just have to shower,” Brendan says, and Carter wraps an arm over his shoulder and pulls him in tight.
“Is that what I was smelling?”
“You can talk. Did you spill your bottle of cologne this morning?” Brendan jokes, and I leave them to whatever the fuck that was and close the bedroom door behind me.
The internal doors are not as good at keeping out the sound of their laughter and a lump rises in my throat when he says something about his bedroom.
I can’t stay here and listen to whatever comes next. I quickly grab my stuff together and head down to meet the others.
I’m acutely aware of every second passing while I wait for Brendan and this Carter guy to join us downstairs. It seems likeit’s forever in my brain. My mind keeps going to all the things they could be doing, which are all the things we were doing in the shower a few days ago.
Finally, they arrive, and I turn my gaze to my food, moving the bacon around with my fork. It was my idea to go out, and as badly as it’s turned out for me, I can’t ruin this for him. It’s not his fault he connected with someone else.I’ve been through this before. I can survive it again, I tell myself, hoping beyond hope that it’s true.
“Hey, everyone, this is Carter,” Brendan says when they reach us. “Carter, these are the rest of the pen pushers I was telling you about.” Pen pushers, Dennis’s nickname that has caught on with everyone connected to this tour. I guess it’s a fitting descriptor for our group.
He introduces us all one by one, leaving me until last. I wipe my palms down the front of my pants, preparing to shake Carter’s hand like the others did, but before Brendan can provide us an official intro, Carter turns, looks me square in the eye, and says, “That must make you, Ian.”
He already knows who I am?
“Yeah, umm, nice to meet you. It’s Carter, right?”
“Yep, otherwise known as Duckie’s Big Brother.”
Brendan’s face pales a little, and for the first time since he walked in, his smile falls. Carter is his brother. My chest inflates like a balloon. He didn’t come back with the guy from the club. He didn’t come back with anyone. This is his brother.
“Dude,” Brendan complains, punching Carter’s arm.
“Sorry, did you not want them to know I’m your brother?”
“You know that’s not it,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Oh, they don’t know about your nickname. Sorry. Yeah, I just can’t call youBrendan. It’s too weird.”
Carter doesn’t look sorry at all. He looks pretty fucking pleased with himself, actually.
The guys around the table all stare at Brendan with wide eyes before Eddie finally stands, throws an accusatory finger at Brendan, and calls, “It was you!”
