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She nods in understanding. “Like being a data analyst when you could be a huge artist.”
I scoff. “I think you’re exaggerating my talents.”
“I’m not. Alayna, I know this is just supposed to be amateur hour while we do something fun and drink lots of wine, but you’re seriously talented. Has no one ever told you that before?”
My dad did. All the time, in fact. Dom has too, but he learned long ago not to push me about it.
Watching my mom was a lesson in life I couldn’t ignore, no matter how much I loved painting. And I wasn’t lying when I said I was good at my job. It’s why I get paid six figures a year with crazy-good benefits. Stanley—our boss—knows my value to our company. Sometimes it’s okay for a hobby to be just that, even if people think you’re really good at it. I love painting. It relaxes me and gives me a creative outlet working with numbers all day never could. But the pressure of doing it for a living would probably stress me out to the point where all my creativity would freeze up, and the idea of living in panic about how or where my next paycheck would be coming from is enough to make me tremble in my seat.
Tessa shakes her head sadly. “God, what a waste. I bet there are millionaires all over the world who would kill to have your paintings in their mansions.”
“Eh, I’ll keep them to myself.”
She lets out an overly dramatic sigh, and I finish off my wine while fighting back a smile. I love her, and I get that not everyone likes their corporate job, but I’m content with my life. Most of it anyway. I can pay all my bills and have extra money for savings and for fun. I don’t need anyone to provide for me or make sure I have everything I need.
I do all that myself.
It might be a little lonely at times, but at least it’s safe. I know I’ll never get the rug ripped out from under me.
Tessa stares at her own painting and takes another drink of her wine. “Do you ever think about how your life might be different if your dad hadn’t died and your mom hadn’t become…well, how she is now?”
Ah, reflective Tessa. Whenever we drink, she becomes reflective one drink before she becomes comedic gold and two drinks before she’s straight-up drunk.
“Not really. What’s the point?”
It’s the truth, although some probably think it’s weird I never think about what my life might’ve been like if things hadn’t happened the way they did. Especially with how long I’ve been playing the what if game with my relationship with Dom.
What if he finally noticed me as more than his best friend?
What if he fell in love with me?
What if…
And on it would go. Yet, I rarely had those thoughts when it came to my family.
“Really?” she asks.
“Maybe because I accepted a long time ago that nothing was going to change. My dad wasn’t coming back to life, and while my mom could’ve changed, it got to a point where I realized she never would.”
She watches me for a minute, a sad look on her face. “I think you set your expectations low so you won’t get hurt.”
I reel back. “Where did that come from?”
“Face it, Alayna. I love you, but you settle for a life of mediocrity because it’s stable and reliable, but boring as hell.”
“My life isn’t boring.” Is it?
Tessa arches a brow and I frown. I mean, yeah, okay, most of my excitement comes from things I do with Dom because he’s a big shot—like our annual trip to somewhere tropical and relaxing—but I do other things that are interesting and fun without him. Things I can’t think of off the top of my head but I’m sure I have some. My entire life isn’t only about stable and reliable.
My job is, yes, but that’s not abnormal. Plenty of people work boring day jobs.
And so what if I keep my friends group small? Quality over quantity.
And okay, maybe this wine night is the first night I’ve had out since Dom’s birthday, but that’s because I’ve been busy with work and then tired at night, and I like to be in bed no later than ten so I get a good night’s rest, and…
Oh my God, she’s right.
My jaw goes slack as I stare at her and try to rack my brain for any example that proves her wrong, but I draw a complete blank.
