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I shook my head. “It’s not about us, Mia. We’re worried about you. And to be honest, I’m not sure what to do.”
“Me neither.” She shrugged, still not looking at me. “Dealing with my guilt is a full-time job. And I’m not dealing with it just yet.”
“It wasn’t your fault,cariño.” She began to argue, so I stressed, “It wasn’t your fault! You did a wonderful job that day, you single-handedly took out a handful of men, Michael included. Zach was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Mia stared at her cup again. She didn’t refute me, but I could see she wasn’t convinced as she rubbed her left arm absentmindedly.
“There’s another thing I want to talk to you about.” I took in a deep breath, not knowing how to approach the subject without spooking her or making her close up. “Last mission was crazy. We’ve made a good arrest, offed a few men, and even managed to rescue all the girls they had on site. We were all under extreme stress. We had to carry some of the girls while shooting. That takes a toll on anyone—”
“Out with it, Delgado.”
I scratched my head. “You shot twice against Matias. How come you didn’t hit him?”
She shifted in her seat. “You know. It was dark and—”
“Come on, Mia. That was never a problem for you. You always aced your shooting tests. You could do it in your sleep. What happened?” When she didn’t answer, I pressed. “What’s going on?”
She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes with shaky fingers. “It started after the car accident.”
I stifled my instinct of yelling, “Fucking hell!” The accident had happened a good while back.
When Izzie was still pregnant with Teddy, she and Mia were leaving Izzie’s OB-GYN appointment when they were rammed by a truck. Michael and theAlacránswere after them—specifically Mia—and pushed them off the road.
Mia had a concussion, and Izzie went into labor. I was the first one on sight and had to deliver the baby as Mia comforted a terrified Izzie, all of us inside the banged-up car.
Clamming my mouth shut, I let her take her time.
“Then Michael attacked us and the whole...” she squeezed her eyes shut, “explosion. My labyrinthitis has been bothering me. I mean, I’ve had it for a long time, so the vertigo, the blurry vision, the uneasiness in my stomach, they aren’t new to me. But since those attacks, it’s gotten worse. I started to have trouble controlling my hands. Also, one of the shots they fired during the attack on the company hit some sort of important nerves. Brachial plexus.” She put her glasses on again. “So, my left arm and hand tingle from time to time, and I lose sensibility to them. My ears ring a little, sometimes it’s kind of hard to hear.” She shrugged, trying to make little of it. “It’s not all the time. But if I’m in a stressful situation, that might happen. I’m just getting old,” she joked lamely.
“Cariño, this is serious. You need to seek treatment.”
“I saw a doctor about it. It was Ariel, Aaron’s friend, by the way. I guess it’s one of those situations that can go away on their own. Or follow me as a faithful companion. Only time will tell.”
“It’s dangerous. We’re always dealing with stressful situations, we’re in desperate need of more people to work with us. What if the day comes when you’re having a...crisis? And we’re not there for you? Look at the last time. Matias and the others almost got the best of us.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I put you in danger,” she said in shame.
“No.Iput myself in danger the moment I stepped inside that place. And my worry is for you. You need to take care of yourself, get back to physical therapy, and maybe slow down a little.” I hesitated before admitting a conversation I had with Haley a while back. “I’ve heard you’ve been disappearing at night, then coming home smelling like alcohol. What’s going on? You don’t even drink.”
“Damn!” She rubbed her forehead. “That’s what Haley said?”
“She wasn’t telling on you. She’s just worried.”
“I know, I know,” she placated me. “I’m not mad at her, I’m disappointed. Mostly at myself, for letting her think that’s what’s going on.” She looked around and took a deep breath, as if readying herself, then leaned over the table to whisper. “I’ve been checking a few places around Holy Water. Trying to collect information on the cartel. They aren’t exactly my choice of a good time, but those traps are hidden gems of trafficking gossip.”
That was when it dawned on me. “That’s why you’ve been bringing info out of thin air. My God, Mia, it’s more dangerous than I thought. You’re alone in the lion’s lair—”
“More like the scorpion’s lair.”
I ignored her attempt at a joke. “And working yourself thin. No wonder your body is reacting against your will. It’s crying for help. And it’s screaming, ‘Stop.’”
She gave me a sad smile. “I can’t stop right now. I need to...” She sighed and rubbed her forehead with her thumb and index finger. “Hedeserves this. Haley deserves this. I can’t bring him back, but I can find some sort of justice. I need this closure.”
I covered her hands with mine. “Killing them all at your own expense won’t do us any good. Besides, you need help with it. Why haven’t you told us?”
“I couldn’t ask you or Ben to be a part of it. You both have kids to worry about.”
“That’s also part of our jobs. We can’t rely solely on you because we have families.” I squeezed her hands. “Your time and health are just as important. And even if you didn’t want to come to us, why haven’t you reached out to Aaron?”
