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“I’m not the one who cheated.”
“It wasn’t like I didn’t want to know,” she said. “I just never thought of it. Which is crazy.”
“Instead of trying to make this my fault, why don’t you—”
“Take responsibility for my own mistakes?” Hayley said calmly. “I’m trying to. But maybe that’s not what you were going to say. Go ahead. Tell me what to do.”
She rubbed one bare foot against her leg under the covers to warm it up. She’d confused him. There wasn’t any challenge in her voice, but it must’ve seemed like a trick question.
After a while, Kevin said, “You can’t expect me not to be angry about this.”
“I should expect you to be angry with me anytime somebody tells you I’ve cheated?”
“I saw it on your face.”
“Saw what? That I had sex with Nick?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I haven’t,” she said. “And now this is about whether you believe me.”
Silence.
“I was so pissed,” she said. “I hated him because I thought he’d ruined what you thought of me. But how could Nick possibly do that, Kev? How could some guy you made small talk with for three months make you so sure I cheated?”
“You’re taking his side now.”
“I think you’d actually like that,” she said. “It’d keep things simple.”
“It’s either him or me.”
She shut her eyes and took a breath. Had Kevin always thought he’d been competing for her? “How about neither?” she asked. “How about I stay away from anybody who thinks I’m not responsible for my own decisions?”
She wished she’d put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, like she had done when she was a kid. Probably not something common when adults shared a bed, but now that he was gone, it’d be nice to think of an unknown universe extending light years beyond her bedroom.
“When did you know you loved me?” she asked him.
“Hal …”
“Look, if we’re already done, we can talk, right? Where’s the worst place this can go?”
“I don’t know when I knew,” he said eventually. “After we moved in, I guess.”
“I knew as soon as I saw you dance,” she said. “I decided.” Hayley slid down the mattress until the blankets came up to her chin. “The thing about deciding,” she said, “is I never had to think about leaving. Because when you love somebody, you don’tleave over one thing, you know? I couldn’t just march out the door because I’d had a bad day. That’s ridiculous.”
She wished she had that picture of the beach.
“And we wereheadedsomewhere,” she said. “But what’s the point if it only works if you’re headed somewhere? Shouldn’t it work when you’re sitting still? When you’re stuck?”
He sounded cautious. “Are you okay?”
“Ya know, I am.” She stretched. “Had a couple hot toddies.”
“Stop there, Hal. You’ll feel like shit tomorrow.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I mean it. Thank you for caring like that.”
“I didn’t want this,” he said. “You there and me here.”
