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Dean and I jump apart at the angry voice. The irony is not lost on me that this is the second time those words broke up a kiss tonight.
Adam is standing a few feet away from us, face hard, his accusing eyes focused on me. “I came to make sure you were okay, and here you are, not only okay, but making out withhim, not even twenty minutes after you kissedme.”
My stomach drops out, and I’m too terrified to look at Dean.
This sounds really bad, and I can’t even deny it because it’s true.
“This isn’t . . . the task . . . that’s not . . .” I trail off because I don’t know what to say. This whole situation is terrible. It looks like I ran from Dean at the party as we were about to kiss, so I could go kiss Adam instead, only to kiss Dean right after. I want the ground to swallow me whole. I want to disappear. I want the best moment I’ve ever had to not have been tainted by my mistakes.
Even though I can’t see Dean, I feel him go stiff beside me.
“Did you really kiss Adam tonight?” he asks, but it’s not accusing like Adam’s tone is. It’s sad, and it causes my heart to crack.
The kiss I had with Adam barely qualifies as a kiss, especially compared to what just happened with Dean. I felt nothing with Adam, no fireworks, no stomach flips, no tingles, only lips pressed against mine. But with Dean . . . with Dean I feltalive.
With Dean I never wanted it to end, and now I’ll never know the feeling again.
“I . . . I did,” I confess. His face is closed off, none of the earlier emotions shining through, not like when he was telling me how amazing I am. I doubt he still thinks that. “But it wasn’t like that.”
“Then what was it, Lori?” Adam asks, closing the distance between us.
I’m pinned by his glare. He obviously doesn’t buy that it was just me completing thekiss someonetask. I can’t say I kissed him to distract him from finding Faye and Kellan. I can’t do that to Faye. And besides, it was my idea to kiss him. No one told me to do that, Faye never asked me to, so even though I don’t want to throw Faye under the bus and admit that as my reason for kissing him, it doesn’t matter, anyway. My actions were my own, and I kissed him. And then I kissed Dean.
But I don’t regret it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, or maybe it doesn’t. I don’t really care, and the thought is both terrifying and liberating. Kissing Adam worked for its intended purpose since it kept him from finding Faye and Kellan together, and I refuse to regret that kiss between me and Dean, and everything it made me feel.
But I can’t voice any of that out loud. I can’t face the rushing of my blood in my ears or the glare Adam’s sending us or the way Dean looks like he’s just been crushed. So instead of staying and facing both of them, I jump onto my feet and run. The shocked look Adam sends me as I pass him is almost comical. He’s the one who’s been repeating over and over that I’m predictable, so he should’ve seen this coming a mile away.
My flip-flops pound on the uneven stone path, and I only take a second to register how dangerous this is before cutting onto the grass and running on that instead. I don’t think Dean or Adam follow me, but I don’t slow down. This night has been full of highs and lows. I was already unsure where to go or who to turn to, and now the feeling has doubled after that confrontation.
Adam obviously hates my guts, and Dean must think I don’t care about him at all. I let them both down, and that’s something I’ve always hated. Being unable to tell my parents the truth about med school is evidence of that.
I’ve never been involved in this much conflict before. I’ve never even been in a fight with anyone. And now I’m stuck in Cuba, at odds with almost everyone, and I have no idea what to do or where to turn.
My steps slow as I near the hotel, and I force air into my lungs, gulping it down in huge breaths. I don’t want to go back to the room and face Faye right now, not after the way she spoke to me, even if I really could use her advice. She thinks I’m always perfect?Ha!Not even a full hour after she said that, I proved her wrong.
I stand in front of the building contemplating my options.
Where do I go? Who can I talk to? Adam’s sharing a room with Alessio, and Dean said he’s sharing with Kellan. That leaves the spare room . . .
I fly up the steps to the third floor. It’s quiet and I don’t pass anyone else as I cross the hall and knock on the door, hoping Dylan’s still awake and doesn’t have anycompany.
The door swings open. Dylan’s in nothing but black boxer briefs, his torso and tattoo sleeve on display, his hair wet. “Lori?”
He falters when he takes in my tearstained face.
I don’t care that he’s basically naked. His friendly face cracks through my minimal composure to free the rest of what I’ve been holding back, so I throw my arms around him, bury my head against his chest, and cry.
“Um . . . it’s okay,” he says awkwardly, but wraps both arms around my back and holds me close. “Come in.”
I release him to follow him into the room, which is thankfully company-free. I sit on the bed that doesn’t have rumpled sheets and second-guess my choice to come here. I’m notfriendswith Dylan, not like Faye is, but I was compelled to turn to Dylan anyway. So when he sits a respectable distance away beside me on the bed, wipes my tears with his thumb, and asks me to tell him what’s wrong, I do. I tell him everything.
NINETEEN
Day Five of Cuba
Faye
The sound of a door closing jolts me awake. I rub the sleep from my eyes as I sit up in bed. Sunlight from the balcony door bathes the room in light since I hadn’t bothered closing the curtains, but even the sunlight seems muted, gray, like my mood.
