AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My throat tightens and tears slip from my eyes, mingling with the rain. “You hate me. You always have. Why? I’ve only ever wanted you to like me, and here you are, pissed at me for slipping.”
“What? Seriously, Faye?”
“Yes, seriously. I’m sorry I’m ruining your vacation, okay?
You didn’t want me to come in the first place and then the stuff with me and Kellan, and now you’re stuck here in the rain instead of having fun with your friends.” It all comes out in a rushed breath, and I leave even more unsaid. He doesn’t only hate me because of this trip; he’s always been cold toward me, has always acted like he didn’t have a sister, and it’s always hurt me, even when I acted like it didn’t.
“I don’t hate you, Faye.”
I hug my knees to my chest. I’ve never felt this vulnerable before. Not even when I was telling Kellan I wanted us to be a thing. “Yes you do, don’t lie.”
He sighs, his entire face softening, “I’ve been asking you to get up because we’re getting soaked, and you probably have a concussion and should get it checked. But you want to do this here in what’s probably going to become a storm? Fine.” He shifts from his crouch in front of me to sit beside me, uncaring of the rain pelting at us from above. “I don’t hate you, you idiot.
You’re my sister.”
I hold my knees tighter and ask the question I’ve never had the nerve to ask before. “Then why do you act like you do?”
He pauses, pursing his lips as he stares ahead of us at the crashing ocean waves. He says nothing for a while and neither do I. This feels like the longest we’ve sat together in silence without scowling or verbally sparring, though I’m sure it only feels that way because of my words hanging in the air between us.
“Faye,” he starts, his voice lacking its normal hard edge. “I don’t hate you. I’m just . . . I don’t know. You’ve always been so bold and confident and headstrong. You never needed me to be the big brother who took up your battles for you. If anything, it pissed you off if I stepped in. Remember when you were in third grade and some boy twice your size pushed you in the mud at recess and splashed more all over you? I saw it and punched him, then you punchedmeand told me I made you look weak, then you tackled him and shoved his face in the mud.”
The corner of his lips tilts up the tiniest bit, and so does mine. I remember that. Justin left me alone after that, but he asked me to every school dance after sixth grade when my boobs came in. I always turned him down because I remembered the mud incident.
“It was always like that, Faye,” he continues after I nod.
“Every time I tried to step in, you got pissed, so I just stopped trying. I never thought you needed any attention from me.
You’re the kind of person who never cared about what anyone thought. I didn’t think you cared about my opinion or needed me to fuss over you. You’re strong. You didn’t need anything from your big brother, and I guess I just got used to that over the years and it ended up becoming this.”
I frown as I consider his words, my heart fluttering because he called mestrong. I’ve always been independent, and he’s right that I don’t care what anyone thinks. But he’s notanyone; he’s my brother, and he’s never seemed to care about anything in my life unless it directly affected him. Did my independence make him think I didn’t need him atall?
“I don’t need you to fuss over me. I just needed you to have my back and be, I don’t know, somewhat nice to me.” I never thought I’d be having a heart-to-heart with Adam, or that he’d evencare, but he’s sitting here, listening to me, talking to me like I’m hissister, and it gives me the confidence to continue. “You’re my big brother. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to care about me. Not because you feel forced to out of family obligation, but because you actually care aboutme. You always seem like you can’t stand my presence.”
Adam runs his hand through his hair, either out of a nervous tic or just to get the wet strands off his forehead. Maybe both.
“I’ve done a shit job of this brother thing, haven’t I?”
Has he? He hasn’t been the warmest person ever, but he’s always been blatantly honest with me. I knock my shoulder with his. “Youwerethe first person to point out my selfish tendencies, and that’s something that’s messed up a lot of my relationships.
Maybe it could’ve been prevented if I’d considered what you were saying. Besides, I haven’t been doing any better in the sister department. Especially considering I’m the one . . . you know . . . screwing your best friend.”
Adam grimaces, no doubt because his mind is conjuring up images of Kellan and me together against his will. “Neversay that again.”
We fall silent, and the rain lets up a bit. Adam speaks first.
“You and Kellan, huh?”
Is he going to blow up again? Tell me I can’t be with him?
Tell me I already ruined one relationship with his friend and not to do it again with Kellan?
“I love him, Adam.” My voice comes out small. Kellan never said it back, though I didn’t actuallytellhim, more just blurted it out to Adam and Kellan heard. But it still hurts more than I want it to.
Adam nods, keeping his gaze out to the ocean. His jaw tightens, but his voice is calm. “Does he love you back?”
“I don’t know. He wanted to tell you about us, but I made him hide it.”
He nods again, still not looking at me. “I guess I should’ve seen it coming. You two have been flirting in front of me for years. But that’s the way you are with all the guys. I didn’t think it meant anything with Kellan, and I thought you were done dating my friends after what happened with Zach.”
