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‘Ah, that’s dinner,’ he announced.
‘I’llget it!’Jessjumped up, glad to do something to make herself useful.Neitherof them offered to go instead, so engrossed were they in their conversation about a photo storyJohnsonhad shot inHongKong.Sherode down in the lift and opened the front door to find the waiter from the restaurant standing there, a bulging white take-away bag in his hand withSeverinwritten in black marker across its front.
‘Bonnesoirée,’ he said as recognition dawned on his weasel face.Hissmirk said, ‘Iknow whatyou’vebeen up to, young lady.’Itmade her bridle and feel deeply uncomfortable.
Shegrabbed the bag and closed the door with a stiffmerci.Thesmug look he had given her insinuated that this thing betweenGabrieland her was just a dirty shagfest.
‘Food’shere!’ she exclaimed as she walked into the flat.GabrielandJohnsonunfolded themselves from the sofa and moved to the dining table, never once breaking their conversation’s flow.Shenoticed a third bottle of wine had been opened in her absence.
Okay…
Maybeshe should pour most of the bottle into her glass and then go empty it into the sink.It’snot like they’d notice.
Themen seemed in no hurry to set the table, soJesswent to the kitchen to retrieve plates and cutlery for everybody.Sheclaimed the seat next toGabriel, on his left.Shelet her leg fall towards him and rubbed her knee against his.Hishand reached under the table and briefly squeezed her thigh before departing again—a small acknowledgement, but at least he seemed to know she was still there.Eachof them decanted their steak and frites onto their plates.
Witha slight slur in his speech,Johnsonasked, ‘Sohow did you two meet?’ and then shoved a sizeable chunk of steak in his mouth, like he hadn’t eaten properly in ages.
Itwas the first time anybody had asked them this question—a rite of passage in any couple’s relationship.Ina complete 180 from how the waiter had made her feel,Johnson’squestion made this feel real, legitimate.Jesssmiled and glanced atGabriel, wondering how he’d tell the story.
‘Shewas drunk andIhelped her get back to her flat,’ saidGabrielwithout any embellishment.Jessfrowned.That’snot how she would have told it.Hisway made her sound like some wasted tourist that he pulled.Whatabout the fact that she just happened to be staying in his rental flat?Whatabout the spontaneity science fair project?Thehelicopter?Thecloud?
‘Wow,’ she gulped her wine. ‘Youmake it sound so romantic.’
‘Juststating the facts,’ he shrugged.
Itwas like summarising that famous diner orgasm scene inWhenHarryMetSallyas ‘woman wants her condiments on the side.’
Gabrieladded, ‘Jessis heading back toLondontomorrow.’
‘Oh, bugger,’ saidJohnson. ‘I’msorry—nowIfeel like a gatecrasher.I’llleave you two alone after dinner.’
Yes!thoughtJess.
‘No, don’t be ridiculous,’ saidGabriel. ‘Ionly get to catch up with you once a year.Jessdoesn’t mind, do you?’Helooked at her with expectant eyes.
Therewas only one answer. ‘No.No, of course not.’Arush of moisture crowded her tear ducts and she blinked rapidly to send it away.Suddenlyshe wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible.Shehad gone from having all ofGabriel’sattention to having none of it, and she had whiplash from the abrupt change.Thisman next to her was acting like she was a stranger.
Jesspushed her chair away from the table. ‘Youknow what,IthinkI’mgoing to go to bed early.I’mstill a bit shaken up from the accident.’
‘Accident?’ askedJohnson.Tohis credit, he looked genuinely concerned.
‘Thecar in front of us got taken out by a kid with a death wish,’ saidGabriel.Watchinghis face,Jesssaw a brief flicker of pain wash across his features, then he shook his head sharply and it was gone.Shehad been right.Theaccident had affected him more than he let on.
‘Wow, you two have had an intense evening.Ireally thinkIshould go.’Johnsonstarted to stand.
‘No!’Gabrielpractically commanded.Andthen softer: ‘No.I’vebeen saving up a special whiskey for us to toastFatimathis year.Youcan’t go until we’ve done that.’
Quietly,Jesscleared the plates and then hid inGabriel’sbedroom.Sheunderstood that he needed to be alone withJohnson, to share the memories and comfort each other as survivors of the same trauma.Sittingon his bed with her head in her hands, she let the tears she’d been holding back track down her face.
Shelooked up and her eyes fell on the picture ofFatima.Jesspicked it up.Shetraced the edges ofGabriel’swide smile with her finger and wished that he could regain thejoie de vivrethat he’d had back then.WasthatGabrielgone forever?Orcould she help bring him back?
Jessput the picture down and flopped onto the bed.Whathad she stumbled into?Shewanted with all her heart to helpGabriel, but hisPTSDwas a bigger barrier than she originally thought.Shehad zero experience dealing with somebody who had been throughGabriel’strials.Maybeshe had rose-tinted glasses, but she’d always believed that love conquered all.Ifshe loved him—and she really believed that she did—then they could navigate anything life threw at them.
Butlove is a two-way street.Washe ever going to be able to love her?Shehad already been in one relationship where she realised too late that her partner didn’t care for her as much as she cared for him.Shedeserved to be somebody else’s moon and stars.
Still, she wasn’t going to give up hope yet.Theyhad shared something special at the chateau.
Thatcould be our life,she thought again.Ifhe’ll only let me in.
