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Francescaturned her head away and closed her eyes.Hewaited for her to be ready.Krishwas aware that this thing between them was still brittle, and he didn’t want to scare her away.
Herlips in a smallO, she pushed a string of air out, like she was blowing out a candle.Preparingherself.Hesnuggled closer, wanting to keep her safe.
‘RememberhowIused to pop ibuprofen like candy?’ she said. ‘HowIsometimes cancelled dates at the last minute?And, you know, howIget a little cranky sometimes?’
Themeeting withParamjeetandIshanipopped into his head.Cranky?Henodded, also recalling how he’d commented on her pill popping way back when they were dating. ‘You’regoing to end up with a hole in your stomach, if you’re not careful,’ he’d said, concerned because his mum had mentioned something about the side effects of excessive ibuprofen.
‘Well, it was becauseIhave all these reproductive problems.Polycysticovaries, which make me break out and gain weight ifI’mnot constantly careful.Fibroids, which cause heavy bleeding and back ache.Andendometriosis is the worst.Itgives me stabbing pain.Allthe fucking time.’
Krishflinched, thinking about how much he hadn’t known about her.Howhad he not noticed?
‘Toomuch information?’ she asked with a sad smile.
Hepulled her into a tight hug. ‘Notat all.Youforget…Igrew up in a house of women, so…’
‘Yeah.Iknow.’Sheinhaled deeply and continued. ‘Thegyno told me it’d be unlikely thatI’dbe able to have children.’
‘Unlikely?That’snot 100%, then…’Hetucked a piece of hair behind her ear and she turned away.Shit.He’dsaid the wrong thing.
‘Krish,I’ma mess down there.Evenif there were a chance,Idon’t thinkI’dwant to risk it.Anyways…’
Shegrew silent and closed her eyes again.
‘What?’Henudged her, willing her to speak.
Turningback towards him, she held his gaze, unblinking, as though about to give him a test. ‘I’mscheduled to have a hysterectomy inOctober.Itwon’t cure the endometriosis, but it will reduce the other symptoms.’
Hehoped he managed to hide the flinch of shock that shot across his face.
‘Krish!’Tearsleaked from the corners of her eyes. ‘Ijustcan’tanymore.Ican’t take it.Ihave to do it!’
‘Shhhh.’Hecrushed her sobbing body to him and shushed until she calmed.
Meanwhile, his thoughts raced.Ahysterectomy would be final.Howdid he feel about that?Obviously, it was her body, and she had complete control over what she did with it.Buthow did he feel about the thought of never having children with her?Maybethey could harvest some of her eggs before she did it.He’dlook into it.
‘Ican tell it bothers you.Iwas right to leave.’Shetried to pull away again, but he wouldn’t let her.Hisarms tightened around her.
‘That’snot fair.’Hekissed her ear. ‘Youneed to give me a moment to digest this.’
Herbody stilled, and she stopped trying to escape him.Herubbed his thumb over her belly.Shesaid, ‘You’vealways talked about having a big family.’
Shewas right.Hecouldn’t remember the exact conversations, but he was sure he’d told her that.Hethought of his sister, now in her last few weeks of pregnancy.Maybeit would be enough forAnkitato carry on the genetic line.Hecould still have a big family.Ifhe wanted to be withFrancesca, then they could give a loving home to other children who needed one.
‘Wecould adopt,’ he said, meaning it completely.Hesmiled like he had just solved all their problems.
Francescashook her head. ‘It’sa possibility, butI’mworried thatI’dbe a crap mother.I’vespent so many years telling myself thatI’dnever be one.Acceptingthat fact.I’dhave to think about it.’Francescafaced her body towards him and stared into his eyes, brushing the hair off his forehead.
Hecould see the turmoil in her face.Hewanted to make it all better for her. ‘I’mhere for you now, andI’mnot going anywhere.’Ilove you, he thought, not yet ready to say it out loud.Whatif she walked away again?Whatif he still couldn’t trust her?Whatif she broke his heart a second time?Hispreservation instinct counselled him towards caution, even as his body reacted to her.
Withno more words, they made love again.Thistime slower.Afterwards, he stroked his hand up and down her spine, urging her to sleep.Theyboth needed it.Eventually, he heard her slip into the rhythmic, even breathing of deep slumber.Hewished he could do the same.
29
‘Somebodywas having fun last night,’said theB&Bhost with a wide yawn as he delivered a fresh pot of coffee.
‘Wasn’tme!’Stellasaid with an uncomfortable smile.Thelast thing she wanted to do was discussKrishandFrancesca’sorgasmic vocal range with a septuagenarian stranger. ‘Isthere any more brown sugar?’
‘I’llget some,’ he said. ‘Don’tworry—there’s no hurry to check out.Idon’t have new guests coming untilTuesday.’
