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Whatwas she going to say?Shehad been in denial about the whole awful affair and hadn’t rehearsed anything.Shepulled the towel over her face, like a child hiding behind a skinny tree.
Theknock came again. ‘Francesca.Openthe door, orI’mgoing to break it down.’
Rightthen. ‘Holdyour horses,’ she said to mollify him.Shetook a deep breath and pushed herself off the bed.Shecouldn’t answer the door in a towel.Fortunately, a fluffy white robe hung on the side of theIKEAwardrobe.Unfortunately, it had blackFriesianspots all over and cow horns sprouting from the hood.Itwas about two sizes too big, but it would have to do.
Beltingit on, she gripped the door handle and ripped it open, like removing a plaster.
Krishdidn’t wait to be invited in.Theroom immediately filled with his presence.Hehad changed too, into loose blue cotton pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt.Hishair was damp, the sweet smell of his shampoo wafting past her nose.
Howdid one behave in this sort of scenario? ‘Drink?’ she offered, waving her hand towards her tea and coffee making facilities.
‘I’mfine, thanks.’Alwayspolite.
‘Okay, then.WhatcanIdo for you at one in the morning?’
‘Youknow whyI’mhere.’Hestood in the middle of the room, crossed his arms, and probed her with his dark eyes. ‘Francesca, what’s going on?’
Shejust shrugged and studied the floor, too many words crowding her mouth.
‘Justtell me.Nomore secrets.’
Aquick glance at him revealed an angry vein throbbing on his neck, belying the controlled calm in his voice.Shecouldn’t do this.Shepulled the hood of her robe over her head to hide in plain sight.
Hereached out and grasped one of the horns on the hood, tugging it back down again. ‘Okay, okay,’ he said, like he was trying to reason with a wild animal. ‘Let’sstart with this: why did you lie to me aboutJaiveer?Youtwo obviously weren’t dating.’
Francescablew out a stuttering breath, grateful that even through his anger, he knew that asking her specific questions would make it easier for her to answer.Heregoes nothing. ‘BecauseAnkitawas right.I’mno good for you.’
‘Didshe say that?’
Hereyes grew moist and she nodded.
Hethrew his hands up in the air. ‘Shedoesn’t know anything,’ he said. ‘Shedoesn’t understand…this.Allshe knows is what happened…’
Sheheard the part he didn’t say: ‘Whenyou broke my heart.’Atear slid down her cheek and he took a step towards her, wiping it away with the pad of this thumb.Shewould have loved it if he took her into his arms so she could bury her head against his body, hide herself in him.Buthe didn’t.Hestood in front of her, close enough that she could feel the heat from him but without letting her hide.Hetilted her chin up towards him.
‘Chezzy.Lookat me.Please.Ineed to know…what’s so terrible you had to keep it from me?’Hisvoice caught on the last word.
Sheopened her mouth, but nothing came out.
Takingher by surprise, his hands gripped her upper arms.Heatrushed to his touch.Theonly thing holding her up right now were those hands. ‘I’vespent five years wracking my brains, replaying our whole relationship, trying to figure out what happened.Oneminute we were happy, and the next—poof—you were gone.’Thevolume of his voice rose as he spoke. ‘Justtell me.’
Thepressure of keeping the truth from him shattered her.Thewords began in her belly and travelled up her throat, battering down her usual barriers.Finally, she erupted: ‘Ican’t have children,Krish!’
Assoon as it was out of her mouth, her whole body slumped, as though the secret had been her life-support.Shecried out.Krishcaught her and picked her up like a rag doll, depositing her on the edge of the bed.Hekneeled on the floor in front of her, supporting her head between his large hands.
Shegripped the edge of the duvet, trembling, shocked that the truth was out in the wild.Shecould probably fly if she flapped her arms—she felt that light.Anothersensation flowed through her, and she was surprised to identify it as…relief?
Encouragingher to look into his eyes and failing, he begged, ‘Tellme what you mean.’
‘ImeanIcan’t have children.Like,ever.I’mbroken.’
‘What?’
‘I’vegot everything.Polycysticovaries, fibroids, endometriosis…and zero fertility.’
‘That’sit?’ he asked with incredulity.Helet go of her head and sat back on his heels.
‘Whatdo you mean “that’s it”?That’sa lot.’Sheconcentrated on balling up the ends of her bathrobe’s belt.
