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Fora moment,Francescaconsidered it.Hownice it would be to let the words pour out of her mouth, to share the burden of her feelings with somebody else—even better, somebody who knewKrishwell and might have some insight into what she should do.
Butthat just wasn’t her.Shedidn’t knowStella, and she certainly didn’t trust her.
Francescawanted nothing more than to turn off the lights, curl up on the sofa, clutchHotWilly, and disappear from life for a while. ‘Nope.Thanks.Iprobably just need to lie down.’
‘Noproblem.We’llgo.Sorryto have taken up so much of your time.’Stellawashed out her mug and put it on the drying rack before heading to the pram and unlocking the foot-break.
Thespilt tea madeFrancesca’ssandals squelch as she followedStellato the door.Holdingit open, she said, ‘IguessI’llsee you next week.’
Stellastopped just outside of the door and turned.Shepaused as though deciding whether to say something. ‘Iunderstand that you don’t want to talk about this with me.Imean, who amIto you?Youdon’t know me.But…Ihope you have somebody to talk to.Iknow from experience that it can help.’Shepressed her lips together and offered a thin smile before turning to call the lift.
Assoon as they disappeared into the lift,Francescaclosed the door and slumped against it, the tears sliding unchecked down her cheeks.
Bloodybollocks and whangers.
Krishwas well and truly lost to her, and now she couldn’t help but wonder: had she just made the biggest mistake of her life?
21
Thatnight,Francescaattacked the dance.
Shehad moved through the shock phase of grief and entered the anger phase.Everythingshe saw suffused her with rage: small dogs in prams, people walking too slowly in front of her, couples.Especiallythe couples.Theywere just showing off with their handholding and kissing and pavement hogging.
WhyhadKrishcome back into her life?She’dbeen doing perfectly well without him.Andwhy did he ask her all those questions before he left?
Andwhy didn’t he tell her he was proposing toJess?
Andwhy couldn’t she just tell him the truth?Whyhad she been saddled with this body?Shehated it.Itwas weak and she hated weakness.
Butweren’t you being weak by not tellingKrishyour secret, so he could make his own decision?Shescreamed and groaned at the same time, the sound of a wounded animal.
Sacrificingone of her saved-up co-codamol days, she took a couple of the white pills before heading downstairs to herBollywoodclass.Sheneeded physical activity.Shedidn’t care if she was getting the moves right, she just wanted to dance like nobody was watching.
Butsomebody was watching. ‘Youhave such passion tonight!’ saidJaiveerfervently during the break.Shenoticed a touch of something new in his gaze.Wasit respect…or lust?
Inside, pent up energy mingled with her heightened emotions, as if she could explode at any second and take out half the block.Sheneeded release.Anyrelease.
Maybeshe could find some release withJaiveer.She’dalready toldKrishthey were dating, so why not make it a reality?
Afterthe class, she stretched until everyone else had left except him.
‘Goodwork tonight,’ he said as he packed up his bag. ‘You’rereally improving.’
Shakingher hair free of its ponytail and draping herself on the ballet bars next to him, she said, ‘Ithelps that you’re such a great teacher.’
Heraised an eyebrow on his thin, hawkish face. ‘Thereare some things that can’t be taught, and tonight you had it.Therewas fire inside of you.’HisfaintMumbaiaccent was quite sexy.
Witha flirtatious look, she asked, ‘Fancya drink?Iknow a place around the corner…’
Heslung his bag over his shoulder and considered her with warm brown eyes.Hedid have nice eyes.DarkerthanKrish’s. ‘IsupposeIcould have one drink,’ he said.
‘Great.’Sheundraped herself from the ballet bar and closed the distance between them, making sure to put some extra wiggle in her hips.Sheran a single finger down his muscled, dancer’s chest and tilted her head to the side. ‘Orwe could skip the drink?Ilive just upstairs…’Shecaught her bottom lip in her teeth and gave him her best under-the-lidLaurenBacalllook.
Francescaknew that she was attractive.Shenever struggled getting a man on the rare occasions when she wanted one.Andtonight, she wanted one.Shecouldn’t be alone with her feelings.
Jaiveerglanced down at her hand, which was stroking his chest.Hesmiled. ‘I’mflattered, but you’re not really my type.I’mgay.’
‘Oh, fuck.’Shedropped her hand and took a step back, cheeks going hot. ‘I’msorry.’
