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‘Weneed to talk,’ he said.
Herhead whipped up.Thosewere the same words she’d said to him when she’d broken up with him.Talkingwas the last thing she wanted to do. ‘I’min a hurry,Krish—‘
‘Thiswon’t take long.’Hestood up and walked towards her.Howwas it that she could feel the air between them as it displaced, pushed aside by the pressure of his body?Shegulped in a deep breath, and he stopped a couple feet in front of her.
Herinstinct was to move away, but her limbs wouldn’t comply.Bodytense, she attempted to arrange her features into a bland expression of disinterest, as though she was theDuchessofIDon’tFuckingCare. ‘Okay.Talk.’
‘Francesca, what do you want from your life?’
Thequestion took her unawares.Shedidn’t know what she’d expected, but that wasn’t it.
Whatwas he asking?Didhe want a list of goals?Didhe want her to say she hoped to get back to documentary film making one day?Tellhim that she dreamed of making a film that exposed the way women were often medically gaslit when talking about their own bodies?Howshe wanted to create a documentary so powerful it helped increase the funding to research historically female conditions?
Orwas he asking about love?Didhe want to know that she pined for a normal life?Forsomeone to care about her?Towake up one morning miraculously cured?
Shecouldn’t say any of that to him.
Whatdid she want from her life?
‘Tosurvive it,’ she said, lifting her chin defiantly.
Hiswarm brown eyes warmed with concern. ‘Doyou think that’s a healthy goal?’
Angerbubbled inside of her.Easyfor him to ask; he, who had his life all worked out, everything falling into place.Shereally shouldn’t be having these kinds of conversations inPMSweek.Shesaid, ‘Idon’t have the luxury of thinking about the future.Ihave too much on my plate right now.’
‘Areyou happy?’
Whywas he asking these questions?Whatshe wanted to say was: ‘No,I’mnot happy,Krish.I’min a bad place andIcould really use your help.Thedisk man couldn’t retrieve the files from my cards andIhave to call the bride to tell herI’velost all her wedding footage and refund her money.I’mafraid her dad is going to have me whacked.Iwant to get out of the lease for my old office, butIhave to replace the door and locks first which costs a lot of money.I’mworried about theBlenheimjob: thatIwon’t be able to find a team, thatI’mgoing to be in pain that weekend, thatI’lllet you down, whichIdo not want to do.Andon top of it all,IthinkIstill have feelings for you.’
Whatshe did say was: ‘Areyou my therapist?’Heraised an eyebrow, daring her to answer his question. ‘Ithink happiness is for people with money and options.Ihave neither.’
Shecouldn’t stand the look in his eyes.Itwas dangerously close to pity and she didn’t want that.Itonly made her feel even worse.
Sighing, he said, ‘Iwish you were kinder to yourself.’Hereached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.Herbreath caught, and her skin burned where he touched her. ‘Iwish you could see yourself the way thatIsee you.’
Sheblinked at him, and her heart crawled into her throat.That’show it felt: like her heart was on the verge of escaping her mouth and exploding all over the room.Shetook a deep breath and tried to regain some equilibrium.Staringat his chest, against her better judgment she asked, ‘Howdoyousee me, then?’
Shovinghis hands into the pockets of his shorts, he huffed a laugh. ‘Well, you’re strong and stubborn, crazily talented, and funny…butIalso feel like you’re a…a geode: hard on the outside and hiding something beautiful.Likeyou’re afraid.Butwhat are you scared of?’
Ageode?She’dbeen compared to many things in her life, but that was a new one.Rightnow, she was scared that if she opened her mouth, all her secrets would come pouring out.Shewould lay them on the floor in front of him, a sordid smorgasbord of her inner demons, and let him fight them for her, one by one.
Instead, she grabbed her bag and stepped towards the door. ‘Ihave to go—’
Hishand wrapped around her wrist. ‘Wait.Francesca, what is this between us?There’ssomething still there.Youcan’t deny it.’
‘Ican deny it.Iwill deny it.’Sheturned and faced him. ‘Krish, yes.Iknow there's an attraction.Butthat’s all it is.Weused to have really,reallyawesome sex, andIguess our bodies remember that.Butthat’s it.Sexualattraction.’Shehad to end this now.Shepuffed up her chest, going in for the kill. ‘Ibroke up with you once becauseIdidn’t see a future for us.AndIstill don’t.’Lookinghard into his eyes, she said, ‘Idon’t want you,Krish.’Hewinced and her heart seized.Shecouldn’t stop there.Sheneeded to hammer in the nail once and for all. ‘BesidesI’m…I’mdating somebody else.’Ithad worked once and it could work again.Sheneeded to create a newNorman.Whowould this one be?JohnMcClanefromDieHard?EthanHuntfromMissionImpossible?Thenit came to her. ‘Hisname isJaiveer.He’sa choreographer.’
Inside, she flinched.Thedisbelieving look on his face made her physically hurt.HerBollywooddance instructor had been the first person that jumped to mind, and now she had to run with it.
‘Younever mentioned that.’
‘WhywouldI?We’renotfriends, you and me.’Shesneered the word and hated herself for it. ‘It’snot likeI’mgoing to have a gossip with you around the water cooler.Andin case you’ve forgotten, you’re datingJess.’
Perfect, beautifulJesswith the golden hair and clear skin.Practicallya poster child for health and fertility and a much better match than a mess likeFrancescawould ever be.Jessor theMess?Nocontest. ‘Goback to yourgirlfriend.Becausethis—’Shewafted her hand between the two of them. ‘—it’s never going to happen.’
KrishwatchedasFrancescastalked out of the room and turned towards the equipment storage, closing the door behind her.
Thathad not gone at all as he had planned.Hehad hoped she might open up to him, tell him how she was really feeling for once, but all he’d gotten for his efforts was her hard shell.Sheflipped from passionate to distant in a milli-second; he could practically see her building her wall, brick by brick.Andthen—surprise surprise—the final brick: a new boyfriend, appearing out of the blue.Hedidn’t push it, even though he didn’t believe it either.Somethingwasn’t adding up.
