Hefroze with indecision.Hisheart wanted to go toJess’sflat right now and confess, scrub his conscience clean, tell her everything he’d kept back sinceFrancescareentered his life.Thatwould be the right thing to do, andKrishalways tried to do the right thing.
Butif he did that,Francescahad threatened to walk out.Wouldshe really do it?Heknew she needed the money, so it would be against her own interests.Butthen again, he’d seen her act against her own interests before, the meeting withIshaniandParamjeetbeing a prime example.Didhe feel confident enough to call her bluff?
Thenagain, how would she even know if he toldJess?Itwasn’t likeFrancescahad a spy network; they didn’t even have friends in common.Knowinghimself, though, he’d probably tell her.OrJessmight come to the office to confrontFrancesca.Hecouldn’t controlJess’sreaction.
TheBlenheimwedding was important.Itcould give his new business the big boost it needed to achieve early success.Nothingcould stand in the way of that.
Histhoughts in turmoil, his head counselled him to wait.Takea deep breath, go to his class, let his feelings settle, and then choose a course of action.Nothinggood ever came from acting hastily—as that afternoon had already proven.
Witha long sigh, he picked up his ukulele case and left.
16
Francescastoodin front of her old office building, its grey bulk blocking out the sun.Thebutton outside still hadMarchFilmswritten in faded blackSharpie, reminding her that this was where she belonged.
Ashiver ran up her spine.She’dforgotten how much she hated this place.Amazinghow quickly she’d gotten comfortable atKrish’s.Itwould be a wrench to return, but she had endured harder things in life.Shecould do it, even if it was just temporary until she found somewhere else.
Shechecked her watch.Thelocksmith should be here soon.Anenvelope containing the cash to pay his exorbitant emergency call-out fee lurked at the bottom of her bag, and she clutched it tighter.Shemade a mental note to askKrishabout her payment from theBlenheimjob.Inall the excitement, she’d forgotten to talk to him about her cut.Shehad just trusted him to make it a good number, at least five thousand for a two-day event.Sheneeded the money soon.Herbank account was dangerously low, and she still had to pay the disk recovery man when he finally pulled his thumb out and did the work.
Theoffice’s rectangular windows leered down at her.Twelvedays had passed since she’d last been here.Twelvedays sinceKrishrode in on his white horse and rescued her.
Thinkingabout him made her heart contract.Shecouldn’t deny that she had enjoyed kissing him yesterday, and she would have happily gone further, despite it being aVeryBadIdea.Sinceshe’d moved into the office, their attraction had hovered like a third person in the room, a tempting troublemaker whispering ‘Youknow you want to!’
Perhapsit was better that they had got it out of their systems.Itwas done now.Theycould move on.
Exceptshe wanted to do it again.
Hertoes curled in her sandals as she thought about his mouth on hers, his fingers squeezing her arse, creeping closer to—
Shefanned herself in the heat.Thankgod he had a girlfriend.Itwas the only thing keeping her from ripping his clothes off.Well, that and her infertility.Francescahad to remind herself thatJesswas a nice person.Shewas innocent in all this.JesswasKrish’sfuture.
Evenif she did seem a bit clingy with her twice daily phone calls and suspiciously cheery disposition.
Francescapushed her jealousy aside.Jesswas perfect forKrish.
Incontrast,Francescawas broken.Francescawould bring only chaos toKrish’slife.Andof course,Francescawas a liar.
Sheremembered the first time she’d lied toKrish.Ithad slipped out when they were on their third date.Bythen, she knew that she liked him.Reallyliked him.They’dalready slept together after the second date, unable to keep their hands off of each other.Thechemistry between them sizzled.She’dnever experienced anything so powerful before, a potent blend of his confidence, his kindness, the way he encouraged her and, of course, his gorgeous face and body.Eventhen, she’d thought he was too good for her.
Overdinner that night, the conversation had turned towards the future, as it often did at the beginning of potentially serious relationships, a dance new couples performed to see whether they had the same life goals.
Forsome reason, she recalled that he was eating soup.Hepassed the spoon through the thin broth as though fishing for something and asked, ‘Doyou see yourself getting married one day?’
‘Isthat a proposal?’ she joked. ‘Bitsoon, don’t you think?’
Aslow smile spread across his face that did funny things to her.Itwas a smile that promised a future.Hestirred his soup some more before moving on to the big question. ‘Whatabout kids?Wheredo you stand on having children?’Shecould tell from the way he casually dropped his eyes to his spoon that it was an important question.
Thiswas the moment she’d look back on and wish she’d said something different.Ifshe had just told him the truth, then he would have been able to walk away right then and there, before things got too heavy.Beforethey started spending almost every night together.Beforethey’d gone toParis.
Atthat point in her life, her diagnosis was recent.Shewas still getting used to her ineffectual treatment; the knowledge that no cure existed; and what the doctor had imparted so indelicately about her fertility:You’llnever be able to have children.Somesmall part of her hoped that he was wrong, that she could conceive.Comingfrom a big family, she had always wanted one, too—but one where she wasn’t the black sheep.Onewhere she felt loved unconditionally by her two kids, their dog, and her doting husband.Nowthat she was older and had spoken with others who lived withPCOS, endometriosis, andfibroids, she knew the chances were almost nonexistent.Butback then, she hadn’t quite accepted that yet.
‘Idefinitely want them.’Shefantasised about her children withKrish: his brown skin, her green eyes.HisLancelotcomplex.Herferocity.They’dbe amazing.
Tobe fair, she hadn’t saidshecould have kids.Butshe wasn’t dense.Sheknew he would have checked that conversation off his mental list and settled in to take their relationship to the next level.Destination:MarriedBliss.
Whichis exactly what he did.Theygot closer and closer, the sex more and more adventurous; their feelings deepened.Sheknew she was in love with him, but held back from saying it.Inher heart, she knew that everything was based on a lie.
Whenthey’d go walking in the park, he would see a child doing something cute and turn to her with a smile and that one-day-it’ll-be-us sparkle in his eyes.Shestarted having anxiety dreams.