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Althoughshe loved spending time withGrace, she did miss the thrill of working.ShootingwithKrishcould be good fun, a convenient way to ease back into things and flex her muscle memory with her camera.AndIndianweddings were always so colourful and enjoyable.Bitingthe inside of her lip, she decided to ask for more info before making a decision. ‘Howlong is the job?’
‘We’dleave onFridaymorning and come back onSunday.I’vecheckedConnor’sschedule and he doesn’t have anything on those days.’
‘Huh.Thatdoesn’t mean he hasn’t planned anything.Allhe seems to do since we got back is work.’They’donly spent two evenings together chilling on the sofa and made love a handful of times (usually just before he went to sleep).
Krishsuggested, ‘Well, he can takeGraceinto the studio with him, if he needs to.’
‘Youdo remember the studio, don’t you?Equipmenteverywhere?It’snot safe for a mobile child.’Shepictured the long rolls of background paper standing in the corner tumbling onto her baby girl.Noway.
‘Well, he can work from home then.Youwatch her all the time.I’msure he can handle a few days.Somefather-daughter bonding time.’
Itsounded so easy when he said it.Swallowing, she turned away from him to hide the sudden moisture in her eyes.Connorhadn’t been spending a lot of time withGrace, either, leavingStellato do all the childrearing.Sheunderstood that it was his name on the door, but she was keen to get back to work, too.Maybesomewhere withhername on the door.Forsome reason, she was having trouble broaching the subject.
Actually, if she was honest with herself, she knew the reason: fear.Shewas afraid to voice her worry, to suggest that he saw her dreams as inferior to his.Whatif he confirmed it?Hisactions since they’d got back already implied that he felt that way, but there was something scary and irrevocable about hearing him say it.Rightnow, she onlythoughtthat was what he believed.Butif he said it out loud, then she’dknow.
Shewilled the tears away and returned to her cereal. ‘Didyou talk toConnorabout this?’Maybethey’d already discussed it.Shetook a bite of her late breakfast and felt milk dribble down her chin.Shecaught it on her sleeve, catching a whiff of her underarm at the same time.Shereally needed a shower, butGracewas not in a compliant mood.
‘No,IthoughtIcould just speak directly to you.’Krishwatched her shovel more cereal into her mouth.
‘Oh, you can!Imean, he’s not my keeper or anything.’Shejust knew thatConnorwould push back when she asked him.No…when shetoldhim.
‘Soyou’ll do it?’
Shedesperately wanted to say yes. ‘I’llthinkabout it.Whenwill you know if you’ve got the job?’
‘Bythe end of this week, they said.’
Ayawn took her unawares, and she covered her mouth with the back of her hand.Whatmust she look like toKrish?Aslovenly mess, that’s what.
‘Stella…are you okay?’Krishwas looking at her with his eyebrows drawn down and concern in his eyes.
‘Yeah,I’mfine.I…’Shestopped and huggedGracecloser to her.Shehad tried to talk toConnorabout sharing the childcare last night afterGracewas in bed, but one thing had led to another, and she’d ended up with his head between her thighs instead.Notthat she was complaining, but sex seemed to be their only form of communication since they’d got back from their travels.Heobviously thought a good orgasm would cure all her woes. ‘Icould just use a break from being mummy all the time.Thishouse is starting to feel like a prison.Evenjust taking a shower seems impossible these days.ThemomentIput her down, she either cries or crawls.Shewon’t even nap in her bed.She’llonly nap whenI’mpushing her in the pram.TheminuteIstop, she wakes up.I’mexhausted.AndIhave no mummy friends.’Mightas well tell him everything.
‘I’msorry to hear that.’Hestopped and considered her. ‘Whydon’tIwatchGracefor a bit?Icould take her out in the pram…?Playwith her here…?Whateveryou need.’
Thetears started rolling down her cheeks before she could stop them. ‘You’ddo that for me?’
‘Ofcourse.I’mher godfather, and we have lots of catching up to do.’Hewalked towardsStellawith his hands outstretched, a clownish smile on his face as he said, ‘Wouldyou like that,Gracie?Shallwe have a little play while mummy has a break?’
Gracescrunched up her face, but allowed him to take her. ‘Yay, she likes you!’ saidStella, elated.Perhapsit was the fact that both of the grown-ups in the room smelled like body odour.MaybeGraceassociated stinky adults with comfort.Stellachuckled.
BeforeeitherKrishorGracecould change their mind,Stellarolled out the instructions. ‘Shehas some toys on the floor in the living room.Youneed to watch her all the time because she’s walking now and wants to explore.Beespecially careful of the stairs becauseConnorhasn’t put up the safety gates yet and before you know it, she’ll be halfway up.Herpram is under the stairs.Sheshould need a nap in about half an hour.Snacksare in the fridge.Isthere anything else?’ she said more to herself.
‘I’vegot this,’ saidKrish. ‘Letme distract her and you can make your escape.’
Wasit bad thatStellawanted to laugh like she’d just gotten out of jail?Andnot just because she was having a break fromGrace, although that was a big part of it.Krishhad offered her more than just a helping hand; he’d offered her work, the prospect of feeling like herself again.
Inthat moment, she decided that, no matter what, she’d find a way to shoot that wedding.Connorwould just have to live with it.
15
Mid-morning the next day,Krish’sukulele case thumped against his leg as he rode the lift up to the office.Afterwork, he would be attending a class with a world-renowned instructor fromHawaii.Krishwas keen to learn some new chord progressions.
Yesterday, he’d spent hours playing withGraceso thatStellacould have a break.Shemanaged to have a nap and a shower, and she'd looked more like herself by the time he left.Hewondered ifConnorrealised how much she was struggling.ShouldKrishsay something?Hewanted to tellConnor, but inserting himself into their problems was a bad idea.
Afterwards, he ran home, showered, and worked from his dining room table.Buthe couldn’t avoidFrancescaforever.Humiliationflooded through him again.Whatdid she think about yesterday and that unexpected hard on?Sheprobably felt embarrassedforhim.
Hehad no idea what to say to her.Oreven whether she wanted to talk about it.Knowingher, she’d probably pretend it never happened.Hewasn’t averse to that, although he also felt they should address it head on—no pun intended.
