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I take a deep breath, lowering my phone. If I keep on thinking about what might happen with Nathaniel, it’sallI’ll think about, so I push those thoughts to the back of my mind. Tonight is about Hyemi, ASAP, and the entire team at Joah.
I send the same text, inviting the rest of the XOXO members.
The venue for the showcase is at Sowon arena, which like the hotel with the same name, is owned by Sun’s grandfather’s company, TK Group. Sowon is normally used to host sporting events, but last night and this morning, it was transformed into a concert arena, outfitted with a stage and over two thousand five hundred seats. Tickets for the showcase were available through a random raffle system, all of which were claimed within an hour of its posting.
Hyemi’s already dressed in her performance outfit when I find her, wearing a corset over a loose white dress, her long, light brown hair braided into a crown atop her head.
“Seonbae!” Hyemi shouts over the noise of the crowded dressing room. “You’re here! Are you sure you’re feeling okay, though? Nathaniel told me what happened.”
“I’m fine. What about you? That corset isn’t too tight, is it?” I pull at the top, and I see that it’s made of a stretchy fabric instead of the more structured material of my mermaid costume.
She laughs at my concern, her eyes twinkling. “You’re so funny, Seonbae.” I’d expected her to be more nervous, but she’s glowing.
“Are the members ready?” a voice calls from the doorway. “They need to be on stage in fifteen minutes.”
“I have to go to the bathroom!” Jiyoo, dressed in a flouncy dress that hits her knees, shouts. “Do I have time to go to the bathroom?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, racing off.
A makeup artist grabs Hyemi, pulling her toward the Broadway mirrors where one of the other members is finishing up with hair and makeup.
Another member practices choreography in the back of the room, while another stands in front of a pedestal fan, nervously chugging from her water bottle. When she sees Jiyoo sprint past, she stops drinking, her eyes going wide and dropping to her bottle in horror.
The camera crew that’s filming ASAP’s documentary captures every messy, excitement-inducing moment.
“Min Sori-ssi?” Director Ryu’s assistant stands to the side. “We’re having a bit of an issue. Director Ryu said you might be able to help. Could you come with me for a second?”
I check one last time on Hyemi—she’s holding hands with one of the other members, talking to her excitedly—and follow Director Ryu’s assistant to another room where a group of staff members surround a couch. Sitting on it, sobbing uncontrollably, is Sun Ye.
“What going on?” I say, alarmed.
Director Ryu gestures me over to the side. She doesn’t appear worried, like the others. “I think she just needs someone to talk to. It’s hard being the leader. Can I leave Sun Ye in your hands?”
I nod, though I don’t know why she thinksI’mthe one who should speak to Sun Ye.
“I think...” Director Ryu says, apparently able to read my mind, “you might understand her better than anyone else.”
She turns toward the room. “Can everyone leave for a few minutes?”
As the room empties, I pick up a mug and fill it with hot water from the dispenser, then bring it over to Sun Ye.
“Sun Ye-yah,” I say, sitting down beside her. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick?”
“I’m sorry, Sori-yah.” She sniffles. “I don’t think I can do this.”
I might have expected nerves from Hyemi or Jiyoo, the youngest members, but not Sun Ye. Not just because she’s the oldest and has trained the longest, but because she’s always so confident, at least outwardly so. But I should know better than most that people often say what they don’t mean.
“Tell me,” I say.
“It’s too much responsibility. What if I fail the other members? I’m supposed to be their leader, but what if I’m terrible at it? And I’m so much older than everyone else. I already read an article that said I raised the average age of the group by a year.”
The urge to find whoever posted that and yell at them over the internet is overwhelming.
“Have you been thinking these thoughts for a while?” I ask. “You should have told someone.”
“I didn’t want them to kick me off the team.”
“They wouldn’t have. Director Ryu and the others understand how tough it is, especially as the group’s leader.”
Sun Ye shakes her head, her thumb circling the rim of the mug.
