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Monique slumped in her seat. “It’s too fast, isn’t it?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“It’s true. I met Jacqueline, and two months later I was practically moving in with her.” Back then, Monique could blame her stupidity on naïveté. Not this time. She was old enough to know better… or so she believed. “I can’t help it, though. When I find a woman who I think can give me what I need… I go for it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Etta finished her drink. “You’re talking to someone who used to pick women off the street to work for and sleep with her.”
“Worked out for you.”
“It may work out for you too. Live a little.”
Monique wished she could. She wished she could run into Helen’s arms and trust her with all her heart. Give herself over to Helen, completely and wholly. It sure felt like they did that sometimes. Then there were times like Wednesday when Helen took the whole day off and spent the day in bed with Monique. No kink. No spanking. No orders and no “ma’ams.” Just two people curled up in bed until they felt like eating in front of the TV and taking a shower.She washed my hair for me.Pros of having a girlfriend that much taller than her. For as much as Monique enjoyed serving her Mistress, she also enjoyed being spoiled with affection.
“I saw Jacqueline at Midnight.”
Etta sighed. “I had heard that as well.”
Word travels too fast. Especially with women named Jem involved. “I spent the rest of the night crying.” Monique pulled out her phone, hoping to see a text from Helen. Nothing. “Will I ever get over that woman?”
“No.”
Monique looked up.
“Ten years is a long time for a woman to get to you. You loved her, Monique. Nobody has ever debated that.”
“Just whether or not she loved me.”
“Some people are monsters. Some people are saints. All people are complicated.”
Where’s Helen on that spectrum?“Sometimes, it feels too good to be true. That this woman happened to find me and decided to dominate me while being the sweetest woman in the universe. I feel like I’m falling into a trap again. A trap I can’t stop myself from walking into because I’m a sad piece of shit.”
“Sounds like you need to be upfront with her about that. If she’s as generous as it sounds like she is… she’ll understand.”
“Will she? You just said that people are complicated.”
“Boy howdy are we complicated. One minute we’re throwing tantrums because we can’t get anyone to sleep with us, and the next we’re throwing tantrums because we fell in love with one person and now they’re saying we have some ulterior motive. What gives?”
“You’re right. I need to tell her how I really feel. I need to figure out what it is I want.”
“No. You need to figure out what youneed.”
The balcony door opened. “This place is a maze,” Jamie said, shuffling back to her seat. “On the way back here some girl taught me how to tie five different knots.”
At least the conversation went back to something Monique could handle. Too much talk about Helen, Jacqueline, and God knew who else would send Monique over the edge. When she had friends over, she wanted to talk about frivolous things. Especially when she didn’t get to see them often.
I’ll figure out what I need later. Ah, Monique already knew what she needed.
She needed to know that she wasn’t making a grievous mistake – again.
Chapter 18
Leaving the Nest
The confines of her chambers usually brought Monique comfort, but that Monday evening she only courted loneliness. Not the true kind that left a woman bereft on the floor, but the kind that made her wish she could blow Helen’s phone up with messages even more than she already did.
Helen had yet to respond. Of course, it was Monday, and Helen was probably working. All Monique knew was that her Mistress had an office in the city. One office. Unusual for a woman of her means and various enterprises. She had shown Monique a picture of it the last day they were together. It was… exactly what Monique expected.
Papers everywhere. Coffee stains on the desk. A permanent impression on one of the chairs from where her secretary sits and takes notes.
