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Not so. The moment she tore open the envelope, a piece of paper fluttered to her desk. She snatched it up, eyes devouring every word.
“It’s been three days since that small amount of time we spent together, and since then, I’ve done nothing but think of you. My intention was to put some space between us so we could sort out how we really felt. In truth, we’ve only met a handful of times. I admit that I pushed things too quickly by sending you that gift. From the moment I laid eyes on you, Monique, I’ve thought of nothing but making love to you.
“Although we need space, I don’t want to give it to you anymore. You’re beautiful, yes, but you are also so much more. Since getting to know you better, I see a brilliant woman with a shrewd mind and a great sense for business. Not everyone could be in your position and do as well as you. When you told me your harrowing tale of that other woman, I felt my heart break on your behalf. There are foul people in this world. I like to think I am better than that. I also need to think about whether I can give you what you need.
“You’re not a woman who can be won with flowers and jewels. I’ve known women like that. You’re the type who must be won with deeds and reassurances. I can reassure you that I only have the best intentions in my heart. If I have ever wronged oroffended you, or if I ever do so in the future, know that you are free to chastise me so that I may become a better woman.
“Even so, my need for you burns. Your beauty caught me so off guard that it took me days to process your soft skin, sweet dimples, and hair that complements you like a swan, everything in between, and something that transcended both at the same time. You’re a woman who deserves only the finest sexual pleasure. I want to deny you until death whispers in your ear. Then I desire to ravish you until we both appreciate what this life has to offer.
“It’s not that simple, is it? The other day I came to your Manoir intending to seduce you into bed. Yet after you told me what she did, I knew that it couldn’t happen. I won’t tell you how you feel or how you’re recovering. All I can do is prevent myself from becoming your next mistake. Now, before you protest, let me explain.
“Years ago, I had a lover who was also heartbroken from a previous relationship. Not the same situation, but close enough that you reminded me of her. We were together for about a year. She wanted to use submission as a way to forgive herself for the pain she had been through at the hands of another woman. One night I was too tough on her. Not only did I rip open her wounds again, but I scared her away from me, a woman who had confessed love.
“I don’t know where she is now. I hope that she’s happy, wherever she is. I hope she found a woman who could give her what she wanted better than I could. I think about her often. Mostly because I wonder what I could have done differently to make her understand what I meant when I did the things I did to her. I was trying to help her heal, too.
“So, you see, I can’t escalate a relationship between us. Not when it’s like that. I don’t want you until you’re ready for me to take you. I want your heart completely open, your mind blind tothe past, and your body prepared to accept what I have to offer. I won’t deny it, Monique, but I often fantasize about what I want to do to you. I want to make you feel like it’s only you and me in the world. Like we’re alone in the universe, if only for a while. I don’t think I would disappoint you. I do think I might hurt you.
“I won’t come around again until it’s time. I hope that you are in good spirits and that your business is thriving. The next time I see you will be to either say my final farewells or to give you what you need. Either way, it will be your choice.
“Yours, Helen Warner.”
“Ms. Warner, I hope that you know it took me no fewer than three hours to track down an address to send this to. As big of a woman as you are, you are equally difficult to get a hold of. My persistence was not in vain, and now here I am responding to you when I should be downstairs making sure all is ready for a busy night.
“I admit, I was nearly torn in two again when you left me the other day. You don’t understand the extent to which I want you. If you think you desire me, carnally or otherwise, then you still don’t comprehend how much I want you to dominate me. I’m not a silly girl looking for her mommy Domme. I want a woman who will be my partner in the bedroom. You said so yourself that we are two halves of the same whole. What we both bring is equal in its relevance and passion. To an outsider, we look, perhaps, barbaric. I do not doubt that it’s those primal urges that make us so attracted to each other in the first place.
“I’ve been hurt, yes. Have there been times with you in which I thought of that woman? Yes, and they frightened me. I won’t mince my words – I am scared. I’m scared to not only love butto also be dominated. I’m not scared to be submissive. It’s my nature to want to serve others, especially women. Do you know which wonderful ways I could serve you?
“I will bring you what you want, you need, and even put the spoon to your mouth so you don’t have to move another muscle at the end of a long day. I will put my hands on you, gently, massaging whatever you please as I begin to fantasize about the other things you will ask of me. Serving makes me so needy. The moment you force your hand, Ms. Warner, is the moment in which I belong wholly to you and am ready for you to use my body in any way you please.
“Here in my room, I wanted you to not only dominate me but to use my desires to fuel your own. Why didn’t you ask me to take off your clothes, to take offmyclothes? You could have asked me to do anything. I would have pressed my lips and tongue to your body the moment you asked for it. I would have bent over, climbed on top of you, even turned myself upside down for you. Just thinking about it now drives me insane, Ms. Warner. I need you. The fact that you are not coming through that door right now is breaking my heart, not you doing it.
“Nevertheless, you are right. I should not rush into anything. We shouldn’t rush into anything. Perhaps I am a delicate flower who hasn’t yet taken root again. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I wasn’t scared to know exactly how you will use me and make me serve you. Trust. That’s the word, isn’t it? I barely know you. I have your word, but I have long learned that a person’s word may be dirt. My fantasies are only that. What do they mean when you’re hurting me, anyway?
“See? I assume that you will. I’m pathetic.
“Give me some time. Meanwhile, I should like to hear from you again. Please write to me any time.
“Patiently waiting, Monique.”
“Dearest Monique,
“You flatter me with your fantasies while also confirming what I suspected. Don’t think I don’t know how you would have behaved that day. I wanted it too. Tonight I came home from the office and imagined you giving me that massage before we bathed together. Who doesn’t want to imagine a beautiful woman serving her in the tub? Don’t mistake me for someone who gives nothing back. I will serve you too, in a way. Not just with my body, but with my mind. Or at least I hope you think I’m a good conversationalist. I want to know your opinions, your personality. Tell me what your favorite season is and why. Tell me what you think of recent stock prices, for God’s sake. I know you keep track of them. Maybe you have a portfolio. How’s it going for you? I love to talk business.
“I will give you my heart. It’s frightening, isn’t it? This heart exchanging business. It’s been a while since I was last properly in love. I want to make that love with you.
“I also want to ravage you, as you asked. I want to know what you feel like beneath me, your body on the other end of mine as I reach deep into you and touch your soul. Do you moan? Do you cry out? Do you whimper? I want to know. I want to know how warm you feel inside and how you sound in my ear as you cling to me and dig your nails into my skin. There’s nothing more exciting than getting to know a woman for the first time. There’s nothing more rewarding than knowing that same woman over and over again.
“Don’t take me for a woman who only wants to use you, Monique. I’m not a casual love kind of Domme, especially at this point in my life. I want to build a life and sustain it. I’ma lifestyler, like you. An equal partnership that expresses itself differently. I may tie you up and tell you what to do, but I will also turn to you as my confidant. I want you to trust me like that, too.
“Trust is a funny thing. To have a person’s trust is a bigger deal than most of my peers give it credit. But I want to earn it. I will prove myself to you over and over until you know to trust me wholeheartedly. Even if it takes me years, I will do this.
“Is this a courtship? Are these letters our way of working up to that moment when we truly begin? You may not have let me be your patron, Monique, but I certainly hope that you let me be your intended. However you wish to interpret that.
“Please continue to take care. I am waiting.
“Yours, Helen.
“P.S., I have included one of my private numbers. It is text and email only.”
