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Shaw gaped at him. “I’ll use the Lee’s!”
North rolled his eyes.
“This is central Missouri, you—you giant jackass! There are fried chicken places on every street!”
North couldn’t help it: a laugh slipped out of him. Shaw grabbed the wheel, and North let him. Instead of death by Popeye’s, though, Shaw steered them into a parking lot that had once been anchored by a Kmart. North slowed the car, and they ended up parked in a stall.
“Look at that,” North said quietly. “Teamwork. And we’re not dead.”
“I decided it would dishonor the ghosts of all those chickens.”
North nodded.
“If you knew how inhumane poultry farms were—”
“I am scared this is going to hurt you.” North managed to hold back, at the very end, the rest of what he wanted to say:more than you can bear. “And I’m scared of seeing you like that. You don’t know what it’s like, what I feel like. It’s like losing you. And I’m not going to lose you.”
“I’ll be fine,” Shaw said. “I can do this.”
“You don’t have to be fine, Shaw. You don’t have to do this.”
“They’re our friends—”
“Who cares? You are the one person who matters to me, get it? They can all go to hell if it means keeping you safe. This is their fucking mess.” Shaw opened his mouth, and North said, “And I’m not talking about abandoning them, you horse’s ass. I’m saying you should go back to St. Louis. We’ve put everything on hold at Borealis while we’ve been down here; Zion and Truck can’t carry the load forever.”
“I wish Truck had heard you say, ‘Carry the load.’ Ze would have cried out of pure happiness.”
“We need to get back to work. So, this is perfect. You keep Borealis afloat, and I’ll help these morons.”
“This is too dangerous.”
North couldn’t help the sound he made.
“I’m serious,” Shaw said. “Whoever’s behind this, they killed a sheriff, North. That’s not messing around. That’s—that’s crazy. And it’s more than that. What if you got hurt? What if someone attacked you? Theo and Jem couldn’t stop that guy when he came to Theo’s house.”
“Ok, well, first of all, I cannot fucking believe you’d compare me to those two. We’re not even in the same league. Theo is literally a teacher. He teaches. Kids. About books. And he’s ancient.” North tried to repress a shudder. “Jesus, Shaw, for all we know, he could be forty. And Jem? That pansy ass in the windbreakers and the grandma sweaters and the dick-dangling shorts? I could kick their asses up and down the block and not break a sweat.”
“That’s very macho. I hate machismo.”
“Yeah, but your Mr. Slinky kind of loves it.”
“No, he doesn’t. I mean, I don’t. I hate it. And I own a lot of windbreakers.”
“And you look like a horse’s ass in them. As I’ve told you. Many times.”
“And I own grandma sweaters.”
“Yeah, but yours are cuter.”
“And I always wear dick-dangling shorts.”
North brushed a loose strand of hair away from Shaw’s forehead and kissed him. Then he said, “That’s fine because you’ve got such a pretty dick.”
“I’m not leaving you,” Shaw said. “We’re a team. We’re partners. In every way that matters.” North opened his mouth, but Shaw said, “I know—I know I don’t handle things well. Hard things, I mean. But I don’t think that’s different, not in the long run, from you risking your life. We’re both taking risks, but we’re safer when we’re together.”
It’s different, North wanted to say, because it’s you. It’s different because the world is hard and meant to cut, and no matter how deeply it slices, you never heal, never scar. It’s different because I can keep you safe from a lot of things, but I can’t keep you safe from that.
“And Jem would be a terrible bully,” Shaw said, sniffling and wiping his nose. “He let me let him braid my hair, and all I had to do was give him my Amex.”
