AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A long moment passed, and North wondered if this, too, was one of those things that had changed without him realizing it. But then Shaw slunk over to the bed.
North made a dissatisfied noise.
Shaw wriggled across the mattress toward him. He lay there, stretched out in that ridiculous goddamn Catwoman suit, face pressed against North’s thigh. North ran his hand across Shaw’s head.
“What the fuck did he do to your hair?”
“It’s called a braid.”
“I know what it is. Does he think you’re twelve years old?”
Shaw pulled away. “I like it. Plus Auggie said he only knows how to do one braid and hair clips, and we didn’t have any hair clips.”
“So much for wundertwink,” North muttered. But now Shaw was looking at him, and North’s hand was less steady as he ran it over Shaw’s hair again. “It looks good, I guess.”
Shaw’s eyes were half-closed, and even in the indirect light that made its way through the window, tears glimmered there.
“I’m sorry,” North said.
“No, I’m sorry.”
“Well, perfect, look at that. We’re as good at making up as we are at everything else.”
Shaw smiled and dashed tears away. He pressed his face into North’s thigh again.
North let his hand slide down to follow the familiar contours of Shaw’s body: the ridge of shoulder, the ripple of spine. “Theo said—” He wrestled with the question, and then it got free of him. “Are we different?”
“What?” Shaw raised his head. “Different how?”
“Did we change? Did you grow up and I didn’t realize it, and now we’re not a good fit anymore? I don’t know. Something has been different. And I know part of it is me. I get it, I promise. The college shit, that doesn’t fly anymore—being an asshole and expecting people to shrug it off, keeping everybody at arm’s length. But us—” He tried and failed to lock down his voice. “I thought we were solid.”
“We are.” Shaw sat up and gathered North’s hand in his. “We are solid. I love you.”
“I love you.” North pinched tears away. “So, what the fuck happened today?”
“North,” Shaw whispered.
“I was such a fucking asshole, I know, but Shaw, you were scaring me.”
He let himself be drawn down by Shaw until his head rested against Shaw’s chest. They stayed like that for a while, Shaw’s chest rising and falling slowly as North mastered himself. Then, somehow, they ended up lying on the bed, North’s arm pulling Shaw against his side. His eyes itched, and his cheeks had the sticky tightness of drying tears.
“I think Theo’s right,” Shaw said, his voice soft in the stillness of the motel room. “I think maybe things are different. We’re different. And we can’t—we can’t pretend things are the same. We’re not kids anymore, North. You saved me. And I will always love you for saving me. But—but we’re older now, and we both know life is never that simple.”
“Not as simple as kicking down a door, huh?”
In profile, a smile curved Shaw’s lips. He rubbed North’s belly. “My white knight.”
“Jesus.”
“I mean it. I’m so grateful for you, for everything about you. For the fact that you want to save me. But you can’t, North. Not from this. You can’t kick down a door and make me better.”
“I don’t want you to be better.” North’s voice failed him again, and he struggled through the tightness. “I want you to be happy. I want you to be ok.”
“I’ll be ok.”
North dried his eyes on his arm.
“I will, North. I promise. I just—there’s a lot of stuff I’m dealing with right now. And I—I don’t want to talk to Dr. Farr about it. Not all of it. So, I want some time. And then, when I’m ready, I’ll talk to her.” His voice was almost a whisper as he rubbed slow circles into North’s belly again. “I’ll be ok.”
