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“Doctor’s orders,” I muttered. I heard his footsteps approach slowly, the stones scrunching under his heavy boots and my heart sped up. I hated that he could still cause this reaction in me. He leaned against the wall, brushing our shoulders as I heard him light up a cigarette and inhale.
“I’ve been calling. And texting,” he lowered his voice as he blew out a stream of smoke and I opened my eyes, staring straight ahead. “I’ve been worried.”
“Well as you can see, I will live. So you have no need to be concerned,” I left the crutches against the wall and decided to attempt to walk without them as I thought my escape might be faster. I hopped around the corner of the house towards the wooden hut where the gardeners kept all their tools.
“Finn!” he hissed, storming after me when I didn’t turn around. “Will you fucking wait a minute? I need to talk to you.”
“We have nothing to talk about,” I snarled back over my shoulder, which caused a pain to rocket across my side from the action. I paused, holding my hand over my ribs and gritted my teeth until the pain subsided. I needed another dose of painkillers. I felt his muscular body catch up with me and he stared at me with worry. “What the fuck do you want, Enzo?”
He scanned the grounds for anyone paying any attention to us and then grabbed my arm, pulling me into the wooden shed. As unstable as I was on my feet, I could only allow him to support my weight until we were inside and I pushed him off me. He huffed, lifting his sunglasses off his face and his chiselled jaw ticked as I perched against the wooden table full of tools.
“Heard you shot your first mafia Boss yesterday. You must be feeling very proud of yourself,” I smirked, shaking my head and avoiding those soft, blue eyes.
“I did it for you.”
I sighed loudly and rubbed my face. “What?”
“He did this to you. He nearly killed you.”
“Actually… that is not entirely true—” I started, but Enzo stepped forwards, his strong legs straddling mine as I leaned back slightly from him. He reached up to touch the faded bruising on my face and I turned my head away.
“He was behind the kidnapping. He took you and Elle. Alessio and Leone’s men did this to you. Riccardo just got the same treatment every single one of them will get for nearly killing you.”
“I don’t need you to be my knight in fucking shining armour, Enzo. You are just a kid. Don’t get yourself killed on my behalf.”
“I am not a fucking kid,” he roared, his nostrils flaring. I chuckled, shaking my head. He was right. He wasn’t. He may only be five years younger than me but at twenty-one, sometimes he showed his innocence and immaturity. “Will you just fucking look at me Finn!”
He grabbed my jaw in his hand and forced my head up to meet his gaze. I narrowed my eyes and tried to fight the burning desire to give into his touch. It was still too raw. The pain still crippled my chest when I looked into his eyes.
“I was out of my mind when I heard you had been taken. And then when I saw the state of you a few days ago, I wanted blood. I know you ended it between us, Finn, but that doesn’t mean I don’t fucking love you still. And you didn’t even have the decency to text me back? To tell me how you were doing?”
I glared up at him as I forced myself to remember why that was. Why he didn’t have the fucking right to worry about me or get a reply to his texts.
“You lost that privilege the moment you decided to pursue Elle,” I growled back at him and he let go of my jaw, closing his eyes and dropping his head back.
A year and half of my life I had spent keeping our relationship a secret. I was patient. I was understanding. He was young and still in denial about who he was and his sexuality. I got it. He grew up in a messed up family with a shitty father who, let’s face it, was a vile, homophobic bastard. When he found out one of his soldiers was gay, Enzo’s papi cut the soldier’s dick off, stuffed it in his mouth, laughed as he slit his throat and made a thirteen-year-old Enzo watch the whole thing. It has been drilled into Enzo’s brain that being gay is wrong. That his feelings are wrong. And that he can never be a respected Boss of a mafia family as a gay man. So, I agreed to keep our relationship a secret for as long as he needed. I knew I could help him come to terms with who he was and accept himself over time. I just didn’t account for falling in love with him. Can’t help who you fall in love with, right?
“Let’s not start this again, Finn. You know why I have to do this. I have to secure my family’s name and provide an heir. But that doesn’t mean that what we have has to end. We can still be together. We can still be happy.”
“Oh, so I can be happy as your bit on the side while you pretend to be a loving husband to my best friend, all the while she has no idea she married a fucking gay man! Fuck no! I would never do that to Elle and you shouldn’t either.”
“I’d let her have affairs! I’d give her the freedom she craves! I would be good to her. Kind. I would never try and control her, which we both know she doesn’t want in this life, but she would still be safe. Protected by mine and her family’s names. It is a win, win for everyone.”
“Not for me!” I shouted, losing my temper as I shoved his chest and he stumbled back. “You may be happy living in the dark for the rest of your life, sneaking around in secret and raising a family with a girl who deserves to have true love in her life, not some fake marriage, but I am fucking not. I have not been through all the shit in my life to not be fucking happy. I will not be your dirty, little secret Enzo.”
“What the fuck do you want me to do?” he roared, stepping forward again and pressing his forehead against mine. “I fucking love you Finn, but I can’t give you what you are asking for. I am a Boss. I have to have a family. I have to form alliances! I can’t be seen as a joke!”
“You think being gay is a joke?” I scoffed loudly, pulling my head away from his.
“Of course not! It is just not something I can be.”
“It is not something you can choose not to be! Jesus Christ Enzo! This is why I need you to leave me the fuck alone. You think I don’t get it? You think I haven’t suffered or been attacked, insulted or treated differently in this world because I like men? But I fucking own it. I know who I am and I have people in my life that actually love and care for me and not for the fake person I put out there.”
“You and I are not the same, Finn. You don’t have the pressure that comes with my life!” he bellowed, stepping away from me and running his hands through his blonde hair. “Fuck. I would love to be as free as you. As brave as you. I want to be with you, Finn. But I have to make sacrifices in my position.”
“And I am that sacrifice,” I muttered quietly, looking down at the floor. He suddenly grabbed my face in his hands and smashed his lips against mine in a hard kiss. I shoved him off me, but he dived back in. I shoved again, harder this time, but he didn’t budge. Within seconds, I had given in to his toxicity and our tongues were fighting against each other with passion, raw anger and emotion. He grabbed at my top, brushing my ribs and I broke the kiss with a hiss. The sharp pain snapping me back to my senses.
“Get the fuck out of here, Enzo,” I groaned, holding my rib as he looked down at me with alarm and sadness. “I said, get the fuck out!”
