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I thought I heard Dusty come down the steps about a half hour later, but I was too wrapped up in my day-dreaming to pursue the possibility. After a few moments, I walked toward the back porch and craned my neck to see if he had gone outside. Sure enough, he was standing in front of the raised bed with all of the flowers. I took a deep breath and then walked outside to meet him. “I was looking at these earlier. They sure are beautiful.” I raised my brows and then placed a hand on Dusty’s back. He jumped back, seemingly surprised by my touch.
“Thanks. I love coming out here to admire these. Emily planted all of them right before she died. She was an avid gardener.” Dusty nodded his head and then wrung his hands together. I looked away, then took a few steps back. I could sense a longing within him, and it made me uncomfortable. It was almost as if he were chasing a ghost, in that he knew Emily was never coming back, but he simply couldn’t let go of the reality behind that truth.
“I bet we could have a lot more fun if we got away from the ranch for a little.” I tried to be the positive voice of reason. Maybe Dusty just needed a change of scenery to get his mind in a different space. I was sure that his loss was significant and his heart heavy, but at the same time, if he willingly placed an ad for a mil-order bride, then he surely must have had intentions of seeing himself through this rough section in his life.
“Yes. You’re right. Let’s get out for a little.” Dusty placed his hand in mine and the two of us walked inside the house together. I walked upstairs just as Carter let out a small cry that signaled her was finished with his nap. He was such a good baby- sweet, bubbly and low-maintenance, as far as I could tell. I hoisted him out of his crib and then changed his diaper while Dusty got changed in the bedroom. When he came in to Carter’s nursery, I was reading Carter a book and rubbing his little back.
“He seems like he already likes you.” Dusty knelt down next to us and ran a hand softly over Carter’s head. “You know, a big part of my choosing the right wife now has to do with how well the woman reacts to my son. So far, Leila, you’re doing an amazing job.” Dusty sounded sincere. I wondered if maybe I had silently overreacted to his perceived preoccupation with Emily. It was his wife, I told myself. It was only normal for him to be so wrapped up in his feelings, so consumed by lingering thoughts from his past.
After we finished Carter’s book, Dusty leaned over and planted a kiss on my cheek. I blushed. “You know, I’m sure this must be hard for you, Dusty.” I looked down and then bit my lip. “I’m really sorry about Emily.” I nodded my head, then lifted Carter off his blanket and carried him out to the hall. Dusty followed behind me, and remained silent for a moment. Then he reached for my hand.
“Thank you, Leila. I appreciate it.” He gave me wry smile, then turned around and walked down the steps. We both ventured out of the house and into the driveway. Dusty had a Pathfinder with a car-seat that he motioned for me to climb into with Carter. The three of us were finally on our way into town. I smiled, relieved to be getting away from the house, if only for a few hours. We drove down the long, winding road that led to the main highway, then turned left and began our descent into the town of Billings.
Chapter 10
I couldn’t help but compare Montana to Arizona. They were different in many ways, but also shared a few similarities. As far as commonalities, I found that the people were equally friendly in both states. The landscapes in both parts of the country were stunning, and the climates, although vastly different form each other, were comfortable and sunny. I could see myself getting to know this town, and the people who called it home.
“I love it out here, Dusty. I mean, at first I was a little bit hesitant about leaving the warm, desert climate of Sedona, but I can really understand why people decide to stay out here. It’s so vast and beautiful.” I smiled, feeling a warmth course through my body when I looked Dusty in the eyes. He smiled and took my hand.
“I’ve never even thought of living anywhere else.” Dusty seemed to be a little but more relaxed now that we were away from the house. I wanted to know what he was thinking, if he really thought that we could even attempt to have a relationship as man and wife, if he thought that we had a chance to make a life for us together. The arrangement, by the nature of its request, seemed to imply that we would eventually be officially married. It was just hard for me to picture that actually happening, given the way that our communication was going.
“I was wondering…” I paused and then squeezed Dusty’s hand. “Do you think that the two of us will really be able to make this work, even though you still have such a strong connection to your wife?” I wasn’t sure of what else to do. I had just blurted out my exact thoughts, and there was no taking them back now. It would be better for the two of us, I told myself, if we were just honest with how much this would progress. There was no point in wasting each other’s time, at least not in my estimation.
“Look, Leila.” Dusty stopped walking and then shook his head. “I can completely understand if you think that I’m being distant, or that I’m not willing to stop feeling for my wife. But the truth is…” He paused and then smiled. “I really like you.” He wrapped an arm around my waist and then gave me a little squeeze. “I mean, come on.” He winked and then kissed me on the cheek. “Didn’t it feel like I was enjoying you when we made love?” He nuzzled my ear with his chin and I giggled.
“I guess so.” I flicked my hair over my shoulder and then adjusted Carter who was beginning to get a little wriggly in the baby sling. “I just feel like…” I paused, trying to choose my words carefully. “I guess I just feel like maybe this isn’t the best timing for you, even though you think you want a relationship.” I un-clipped the back of the sling and folded it up with one hand while balancing Carter on my knee. Dusty scooped him out of my arms and carried him while we walked.
“Leila.” Dusty sighed and then bounced Carter a few times on his knee. “I don’t know if I’ll ever stop thinking about Emily. I think when someone dies, when a person is gone, and especially when it’s unexpected, it’s just a lot to process emotionally. You know?” Dusty looked at me and then looked away. “I know this much.” He took my arm and then wrapped it around his waist. “I know that I want to live a long, prosperous life, and I know that I don’t want to do it alone.” He sounded adamant. “I think that you and I have a lot of potential.” With that, he gave me a kiss on the lips and I closed my eyes, again feeling powerfully attracted to him as a lover.
“Well then maybe we should get a quick bite to eat in this special town of yours, and get ourselves back under the sheets.” I wasn’t usually so flirtatious and forward, but I felt somewhat compelled to keep him enticed, to make him learn to desire me, to eventually make him love me. Dusty smiled at my suggestion.
“I think I like the sound of that. Let’s go to the Bison Brewery. They’ve got great food and great beer.” Dusty rubbed my shoulder a few times, then took my hand again. I liked the fact that he was able to communicate a bit more openly with me. I was still trying to get myself to understand that he would need a long period of time to heal from his loss, but it was beginning to feel a little bit easier to accept. We walked lazily through Billings, talking and taking in the sights, until we reached Bison Brewery.
“So tell me the truth.” I was sipping my Billings Lager in the booth and Carter was bopping up and down in the high-chair at the end of the table. “How many responses did you receive to your ad?” I had been curious about this for the entire visit thus far. It was a legitimate question, and unthreatening. Dusty chuckled, then took a sip of his beer.
“Well, let’s see.” He looked up at the ceiling, and then pretended like he was counting on his fingers. “I think I stopped counting after fifty.” He laughed again, then gave Carter a light pat on the head. My eyes widened.
“Fifty? Oh my gosh.” I was truly surprised to find out that Dusty had selected me from a pool of over fifty women. “I bet you had to make some tough decisions.” I raised my eyebrows and then chuckled, myself.
“I should add that I also heard from one man, so I guess you could make it fifty-one.” Dusty nodded his head and then chuckled once again. I laughed and then took another sip of my beer. It was beginning to feel like we were starting to hit it off. Or maybe it was just the fact that we were in another environment. I wasn’t sure, but I was interested in getting to know him better, and I found myself craving the physical attention I’d received earlier.
We wound our way, hand-in-hand, through downtown Billings until we reached Dusty’s pick-up. Then, we got inside, made sure Carter was securely fastened, and started our journey back to the ranch. I looked out the window as we drove, feeling the lightness of the intoxication fill my body. When we reached home, Carter was fast asleep, so I carefully slid him out of his car seat, and carried him upstairs to bed. Dusty was waiting for me in the guest room when I arrived.
“I’m ready to pick up where we left off.” Dusty gave me a wink and then lifted the covers up for me to slide in next to him. I wasted no time undressing, and was soon in his arms, beneath the sheets. I closed my eyes and took in his scent, then I traced a finger down his back, smiling as he twitched from the tickling sensation. I loved the way that he felt in my hands, and I was just about to roll over and kiss him when he placed a hand on my breast.
“I love your breasts, Leila. I think I’ve told you that before.” Dusty cupped each one gently, then massaged them with his hands, moving with ease in soft, circular motions. I sighed. It felt so amazing to have a man in my life again, and Dusty was one man worth getting to know. He released my breasts from his hands and then lowered his head to kiss my nipples. As soon as his lips touched them I felt a wave of goose-bumps run down my back.
“That feels so good.” I spoke, my eyes still closed, and then reached for Dusty’s body. I pulled him closer, then wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. He opened his mouth and we began our exploration, kissing and licking for what felt like an eternity in heaven. Dusty’s breathing grew heavier and he climbed on top of me, then gently pressed his groin against my body. I pulled him closer, taking in his scent, and then looked him in the eyes just as he inserted himself inside me.
“How does that feel?” Dusty looked me in the eyes as he rode back in forth between my legs. I had no words to express how I felt. It was simply amazing to feel him inside me, and I wanted to hold on to the feeling for as long as possible. Dusty pressed harder and I cried out with pleasure. I ran my hands up and down my back, my breathing growing deeper, my body growing warmer. Dusty wrapped his hands underneath my body so that he could fully embrace me, and I closed my eyes to ride along in rhythm.
“Yes, Dusty.” I clung to him with all my might as he pressed himself deeper inside of me. I could feel every inch of my body opening up to accept his manhood inside my womanly garden of delights. “Keep going.” I whispered in his ear and clung to his waist, preparing myself for the wave of orgasmic pleasure that was about to erupt from deep inside me. Dusty moved with precision, taking the time to see that I came to the brink of ecstasy. “Yes!” When finally, the orgasm I’d been craving exploded from inside me, Dusty smiled, then continued riding me until he eventually came, as well.
We both lied motionless, our bodies heaving in the aftermath. Dusty then turned over on his side and traced a hand down my back. I smiled. “You felt so amazing, Dusty. I’m glad that we’re getting this time to be alone with each other.” I kissed him on the lips, and he caressed my shoulders with his large, firm hands.
This became the norm for us. The love-making grew even more intense as the weeks rolled on. By the end of the summer, we had arranged for our marriage to be put on paper, and the two of us exchanged small, yet meaningful rings. I always sensed that Dusty’s heart still yearned for Emily, bit I never brought it up. Instead, I simply cherished the time that the two of us shared together, and I did whatever I could to avoid any kind of confrontation over the subject. I took care of carter to the best of my ability, and I found my own sort of personal rhythm within the home environment.
After one particularly sultry love-making session, close toward the end of the summer, I realized that I was still battling with the feelings of isolation. Dusty felt distant as ever, and it was beginning to wear on me. One moment he’d seem like he was fine, and then next, I’d find him out at the raised bed, weeping and wailing over his loss. It was becoming too much of an emotional roller-coaster for me, and on many occasion, I considered packing up and simply slipping away in the middle of the night. In the end, the outcome was always the same. I stayed because of Carter.
