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‘I’m not going to do karaoke’ and other lies I tell myself
A V A
I wouldn’t say Josie’sevents management style is dictatorial, but I wouldn’tnotsay it either. She’s had me running errands and setting up for the party all day, and I’ve been so busy I’ve not had the chance to think about what happened last night. She’s even roped Max into helping, who arrived earlier this afternoon, enlisting him to hang fairy lights as our resident walking ladder.
Now, as I’m scouring my wardrobe, is the first opportunity I’ve had to let my brain wander. I cannot for the life of me figure out what to wear, which definitely has nothing to do with the fact Finn is coming.
I more or less ran away from him when Rosetta let us out, intent on putting as much distance between us as I could, as soon as I could. I was concerned about what might happen if I’d stayed with him. Because he was right. Therewassomething between us. Some tension we needed to quash. Now it’s out of our system, it never needs to happen again and we can get on with our lives.
I mean, I can try, at least. My brain decides this is the moment to remind me that Finn O’Callaghan’s kisses are utterly obscene.
I tug a top off a hanger with a groan. Okay, I’ll just try to get through this evening. That’s all. Baby steps. No need for any weirdness while my two favourite people (who I will never,evertell about any of this) are here too. I refuse to let Finn send everythinginto chaos.
I’d half expected him to text me about it, but so far there’s been nothing. Maybe he’s not even coming to the party anymore. I might be safe. But I also want him here. I think. Fuck, I don’t know. See? Chaos, and the party hasn’t even started yet.
The sound of Max and Alina laughing in the living room makes me smile, and then there’s a knock at my door, followed by Josie barging into my room with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop trilling, ‘Today’s the day!’
She stands expectantly in front of me, a glass of Prosecco in each hand. I take one of them gratefully, relishing the fizz on my tongue.
‘It is,’ I say noncommittally. Then I analyse her face and say, ‘You’ve got a tiny bit of mascara flecked under your left eye, hold on.’
I hand her a cotton bud and she wipes it away as I go back to rummaging through my wardrobe. We had this routine when we were at uni; she’d knock at my door, I’d check her makeup, and then we’d do whatever our eighteen-year-old selves were in the mood for, which mostly revolved around me agreeing to join whatever new hobby she’d decided to start.
‘You don’t seem excited. I thought you mightfinallybe looking forward to this.’ She perches on my bed, which is bestrewn with proof of my sartorial indecision. She, on the other hand, looks immaculate, with an emerald silk blouse tucked into a darker green mini skirt.
‘My get-up-and-go appears to have got up and gone.’
‘I’m not sure your get-up-and-go ever got up and came,’ she points out, pulling an uncomfortable-looking pair of denim dungarees from under her.
‘Well, exactly.’ I sigh. ‘I don’t know what to wear.’
‘The nineties dress,’ she exclaims. ‘The one from the charity shop that I forced you to buy? We can be matching in green.’
‘Josephine, you are the answer to all my prayers.’ She shrugs and sips her Prosecco, and I unhook two hangers that have got tangled up in each other as I ask, ‘Are you all packed for your trip?’
Tomorrow, Josie and Alina are going away for a few days visiting Josie’s family, and I can’t tell if it’s admirable or insane to do this the day after a party.
‘I think so,’ she says, finishing her glass just as Alina calls for her help from the other room. ‘My services are required elsewhere. But Ava,’ she brushes invisible dust off her skirt, ‘just relax tonight. And have fun.’
She sweeps out of my room in a cloud of floral perfume, and I eventually find the dress pooled at the bottom of my wardrobe, fallen off its hanger.
The low hum of music through the wall is regularly punctuated by hoots of laughter and the sound of the front door opening and closing. I’ve only just finished getting myself sorted, mostly due to a chaotic experience styling my fringe that made me seriously consider just chopping it off.
My too-low mirror taunts me, and I stand far away to get as much of myself in the reflection as possible. The dress is a forest green, and as close as I’ll ever get to a colour found in the rainbow. It’s tight across most of my body, clinging to every dip and bump in the way the world thinks I should be insecure about, thin straps holding it up over my shoulders. I fluff up my hair, smooth the material over my hips and step out into the party.
People are milling about in the living area, sprawled across thesofa and armchair clutching drinks, or sitting at the wooden chairs around our dining table. Rudy’s clearly enjoying the attention he’s getting while he’s off duty, moving around to find new people to receive pets from. The crowd is mostly made up of Josie and Alina’s peers from the art and museum circuit. I recognise a few of them from Instagram photos and shoot a smile at two of Josie’s author friends who I met once at a pub in Tooting. Interspersed amongst them, Josie’s playing hostess offering drinks, Alina never far behind, and Max is cracking up at the end of the breakfast bar as he talks to a curly-haired man in a burnt-orange shirt with his back to me. But I recognise that back. The last time I saw it was in a messy storeroom.
As if he feels my eyes on him, Finn turns around, and in that moment I don’t know if I’m relieved or terrified he’s here. I still can’t quite believe I acted on impulse last night. I don’tdothings like that.
‘Late to your own party,’ he says as he approaches, stopping a foot away and leaning against the archway that separates the living area from the bedrooms.
‘Technically, it’s Josie’s party. I’m just her sous-host.’
I don’t miss how he drags his gaze down my body and back up again. But then, I’m not sure he wants me to. ‘You look—’
‘Don’t finish that sentence,’ I cut in. ‘Let’s not do that here.’
When he meets my eyes again he says, ‘I went back to the warehouse and collected our pottery. I just gave your pieces to Josie and she stashed them away somewhere. But,’ for the first time I notice he has something in his hands, ‘I figured that since this is a housewarming I should bring you an actual gift.’ He gives it to me and I can’t stop the stupid smile from spreading across my face. The ugly plant pot he painted yesterday is now home to a tiny, spiky cactus. ‘Apparently these things are almost unkillable.’
