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It’s the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.
In my dreams, I wonder if the dinosaurs knew what they were in for when that asteroid hurtled towards them on its one-way course to ruin.
Maybe they did. Maybe they welcomed it.
37
plaid pyjamas and dino-snores
A V A
It’s a confusing thing,to want time to still and speed all at once. There’s the part of me that wants to savour these last days with Finn, and the part of me that hopes they pass in a single second so Max can get started on his treatment sooner.
On Max’s end, he’s been up to London a couple of times for various tests in preparation for the radiotherapy that’ll start in a few weeks. In line with my promise for normality, we don’t talk about the elephant in the room, and he even joins Finn, Josie and me at Somerset House for the last of their summer movie sessions; a showing ofLegally Blondein the courtyard. Not quite under the stars, but I know they’re out there, through the smog.
One evening Finn and I go to a Never After gig at Brixton Academy with Dylan, and as we stand at the back with our two-pint cups of cider and overpriced merch, I question what possessed me to have spent my teen years queueing for hours to be near the front at shows when there’s just so much more room at the back to dance. Or, specifically, to watch Finn dance. Terribly.
Another day we see a play at TheGlobe and I wonder if Elizabethan theatregoers also felt like their feet were falling off after standing for three hours watchingTitus Andronicus, or if they had stronger extremities than I do.
We walk along the canals in Little Venice with Josie and Rudy, trek up Primrose Hill to admire the view, and see the deer in Richmond Park (there’s lots of walking, incidentally, but I don’t mind it).
And so, the days pass by exactly as I thought they would; jam-packed with moments so vibrant they’ll be branded onto my memory forever.
On his penultimate day, Finn has leaving drinks at a pub in Clapham, and Josie comes along too. I hold the door open for her as she tells me about her week.
‘We’ve finalised some of the tech for the big piece in the exhibition and I cannotwaitfor you to see it.’ Rudy leads her to the beer garden out back. September’s mild temperatures mean we can still sit outside, although this might be the last time we get to do it this year. It feels like a fitting end to summer. ‘But oh my god, I’m exhausted. I intend to do absolutelynothingthis weekend. I’m locking myself in the flat. If you find me wedged between the sofa cushions, do not attempt to move me.’
‘Noted.’ I spot Julien and Rory already seated at one of the tables at the back under the vine-draped pergola, heads bowed, knees touching. Rory waves us over and I slide onto the bench directly opposite an empty spot, the table wobbling as I do. ‘You both good for drinks?’
‘The man of the hour has already ordered,’ Julien says, nodding towards the doorway, through which Finn is coming with a tray of drinks, including an Aperol Spritz for me and a G&T for Josie.
‘You’re an angel,’ Josie says. Her eyes light up when she sipsher drink. ‘And you got it with cucumber!’
‘I distinctly remember you going off on a whole rant at the party about cucumber being underrated in G&Ts,’ he points out. ‘Thought you might kill me if I came back with lime.’
She grins, and my heart aches seeing the two of them interact.
‘What’s your plan for tomorrow?’ I ask. We’ve been so busy that we haven’t really discussed the logistics of saying goodbye. Or rather, I haven’t wanted to think about it. I was hoping to meet for a coffee tomorrow before he goes.
‘The two of us are having brunch like real millennials,’ Julien answers, the sunlight reflecting off his watch as he swigs his beer.
‘After that I’ll head down to Heathrow to check into a hotel. Flight’s the next morning.’ Finn clears his throat, dropping his gaze as soon as my eyes meet his. ‘And then I’ll be gone.’
‘Just like that,’ Josie says slowly.
‘You managed to sort out the room, I take it?’ Rory asks, his neck craning as he watches a member of staff pass by with some chips. The smell alone is enough to make my stomach rumble.
But I don’t think Finn’s mentioned anything about a room, so I ask, ‘What’s that about?’
‘I need to stay in a hotel tomorrow night because my tenancy’s over, and Julien’s family’s visiting so I can’t crash at his.’ Golden hour casts long shadows across the table, but the glow lands on Finn like a spotlight, bringing out the auburn in his hair, warming his skin tone. ‘The reservation for the room I initially booked didn’t go through, so now I’m looking for one that doesn’t cost, like, eight hundred pounds for the night.’
‘You should just stay at ours,’ Josie says. She’s acting casual, but something in the set of her shoulders tells me she’s feelinganything but. ‘You can sleep on the sofa bed. I’m at Alina’s this weekend so Rudy and I will be out of your way.’
What happened to “I’m locking myself in the flat”? She looks at Finn, expectant.
‘Oh, uh, I don’t mind paying for the hotel,’ Finn says. ‘I was exaggerating about it being eight hundred pounds.’
Josie turns to me now. ‘You don’t mind having some company, right, Ava?’
