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People grow up, they change, they grow apart. I just didn’t think that would be us. But I have a feeling that maybe that’s just the way things are right now.
I came to SVU with a plan to get my best friend back, to make him admit he loves me. But why?
Why should I wait around for someone who doesn’t see my worth? It’s one thing my moms taught me from a young age. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve, and if the man you love doesn’t see your worth, then he’s not for you.
I see the way my dads and Rain treat my mom. It’s like she hung the damn moon. I want someone to look at me like that.
I’m not sure what I did to make Toby change the way he was with me, but it hurts.
I’m in college now. I’m eighteen and young. These are supposed to be the best years of my life, and that’s what I plan on doing. To work hard in school and have fun with my friends.
If Toby wants to smarten up and join me, awesome. But I need to realize that when it comes to what we feel for each other, we’re not on the same page. He sees me as a little sister, I see him as...so much more.
But I need to try and move on and let him go. As much as that is going to kill me. I’d rather have him at least as a friend than nothing at all. I just need him to stop being such an asshole. When I’m not so pissed at him, I’ll force him to sit his ass down and talk to me like an adult.
Chapter 5
Lillianna
It’s been a few days since I moved into my dorm. Aside from the few minutes on moving day, I haven’t seen Toby. Or Bishop, for that matter. He didn’t even come to help me and our parents move my stuff in.
“I’m so excited!” Bianca squeals as we walk across campus toward the Hockey House, a dorm where the entire hockey team lives. With the exception of Toby and Bishop. I overheard my parents talking and he isn’t living there because his grades are already bad as it is and living in a frat house would be too big of a distraction. Since Bishop goes wherever Toby goes, they’re rooming together. In my dorm. Across the damn hall.
The first night in the dorm, I couldn’t sleep. My mind wandered with stupid little things like if Toby was in his room with a girl. Would he have sex with her knowing I was across the hall? The thought had my stomach turning.
They’ve either gone home to sleep, or stayed at the Hockey House. He’s likely trying to avoid me. I’m trying to not let it bother me, but it does.
“So, like, how drunk are we getting?” I ask my best friends as I spin to face them while walking backward. A grin plays on my lips as Bee gives me a matching one.
“White-girl wasted?” she suggests, wiggling her eyebrows.
A grin slips across my face. “Fuck, yeah.” I high-five her, and we burst into giggles.
Jonas groans from where he’s walking next to Bianca. “You two are going to be a handful tonight, I just know it.”
“Awe, come on, Jonas. We’re in college now! Live a little. We get to drink with the big kids.” I laugh. We went to a few college parties last year, but it’s like they knew we were in high school. It just felt weird.
“Also, we’re going to be in your house, right?” Bianca asks. Jonas moved into the Hockey House the same day we moved into the dorm. “We could just crash in your room.”
“Hell no.” He shakes his head. “That house is full of horny hockey players and puck bunnies looking for an in. I don’t want you two around them at all, let alone drunk and vulnerable.”
“You really think they would fuck with us? Our brothers are on the team. And, ah, it would be kind of hard not to ever be around them, seeing how our brothers are on the team and her dad coaches it.” Bianca hikes a thumb over at me. “And the fact that we’re going to a party at the house they all live in, I’m sure we’re bound to bump into one of them.”
Jonas sighs, running a hand through his inky black hair. “Just no fucking my team members, okay? I don’t want to get kicked off the team for kicking their asses before even getting to practice.” He gives us a pointed look.
“No trouble from me,” Bianca says. “Hockey players are not my type.”
I cringe and Jonas flicks me a look, hurt flashing in his eyes for a moment.
As we get closer to the house, Bianca sees someone she knows and rushes over to say hi.
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell Jonas, stepping closer to him.
“Worry about what?” he asks me. I look up at him, raising a brow.
“What Bee said, before. You know, about hockey players not being her type.”
He looks away, shrugging his shoulder. “Oh, that.” He brushes it off like it doesn’t matter. “What about it?”
