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"Enough? What are you planning?"
"Nothing yet. I just feel like I know that voice from somewhere. I think one of the other guys might recognize it too. If we can narrow down the who, then we'll be able to find the where."
I bit my lip as I contemplated how to tell him my thoughts. It wasn't that I didn't think we should find him anymore. It was more like I didn't know if we could truly help him if we did.
Gerald was one of my best friends before Clancy passed. The sickness and devastation of that made him pull away from everyone, me included. It hurt, but I understood at the time.
Even so, I didn't know if I could help him through this. He sounded like he needed professional help to battle his demons.
"Do you think it's a good idea? He sounded completely broken up." The sound of his sobbing would echo through my mind forever.
Griffin's shoulders rose as he looked me over. "I can't say I know what'll happen. I just think he deserves to know we're here for him no matter what. If we don't find him and tell him ourselves, then the last memory he'll ever have of the ranch is the intervention we held. And before that, it would be the drinking and the bad memories. He'd have to dig deep to see the good. I think we could help him find it though. Especially if he's a little like some of the rest of us."
"I don't know that being little will heal this deep of a wound."
"Oh, I know it likely won't. What I'm saying is that sometimes escaping to that place in our minds can be therapeutic. I wasn't here for everything, but I imagine Gerald hasn't been able to fully immerse his little side for quite some time. If he's been holding that back and burying his grief at the same time, it's no wonder he numbed the pain in other ways."
The clouds parted, and the sun shone down like a spotlight over my head. Figuratively, of course, since I was still standing in a pile of feed in the barn. But that's exactly how it felt after Griffin explained things.
I know suppressing my Daddy instincts made me struggle. When Ashley and I took the next steps in our relationship and played around with the idea of getting romantically involved, I felt such a relief being able to connect with someone that way. I can't fathom what it would be like to have that ripped away and to not have a way to get it back.
"Poor Gerald," I mused aloud.
"Yeah. It's a much deeper pain than we all thought at first. He needs time, but I also don't want him thinking he's alone in all this. Whoever is with him now is helping it seems. That's a relief at least."
It was a relief knowing he had someone around him. I feared if he were left alone, he might do something he can't come back from.
Griffin broughtup the voice recording over dinner that night. Harlan had just sat down beside him when he spoke up. "I know we're all reeling from yesterday's call. Not to add to the frustration, but there's something Corey and I have to tell you."
"Gerald called me today," I said after his lead in.
The room erupted with questions. "How is he?" "Where is he?" "What did he say?"
Griffin whistled, and they all stopped. "Let us finish the story." Once everyone agreed to be patient, he motioned for me to keep going. He might have been Harlan's boy, but there was a backbone in there.
"He called, but he didn't talk to me. I think it was a butt dial because we could hear him and some other guy."
Everyone's eyes widened and some of the guys leaned over the table like they were looking for answers. Ashley took my hand in his, lending me silent support while everyone else waited patiently for the next bit of the story.
Our food was likely getting cold, yet no one cared. Not even me or Beau, the resident foodies, stopped to eat.
"When I realized what was happening, I took out my phone to record part of the call. I feel like I recognize the voice, so I wanted to play a part of it to see if anyone knows who he is."
The men all chanted they very much wanted to hear what they could. Griffin pulled out his phone and hit play on the recording. As Gerald's voice filled the room, I watched various reactions come across everyone's faces. Some were surprised and others sad. I'm sure they could all hear his pain just like I had. It was more open and honest than he'd ever been with us—minus the intervention we had. That was truly the only time we'd seen just how deep the hurt went.
As the recording ended, Griffin looked around the table. "Anyone know him?"
Everyone shook their heads. That only seemed to confuse Griffin more.
"Maybe you know him from somewhere else?" I suggested. "Could he be from before you came our way? Or maybe someone you met in passing? There's no guarantee you really know him."
It made me seem pessimistic, but someone had to say it. There were only so many chances in this world, and I felt like our luck might have been running out. Each man on the ranch had found love in some way. Well, all except Gerald. Instead of getting his happy ending, he suffered the loss of the one man he thought he'd have forever.
If we considered the odds, then they were not in our favor about finding him as easily as we'd hoped.
Atticus cleared his throat, gathering everyone's attention. "While I'm thankful you two thought of something to try to help, I'm going to have to ask that you let this go for a while. Gerald made his intentions clear. He's wanting space. We'll give him that. If he decides to come back, he'll always be welcome."
Chapter Ten
