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CHLOE
My mind is in a chaotic state right now. So many things are running through my it. When I woke up this morning in Jeremy’s arms, I became so emotional that I started crying. I couldn’t–and really, I still can’t–understand why something that feels so good is wrong.
I cried so hard as I finally realized the one thing I thought could never happen: I’ve fallen helplessly in love with him. I’m somehow elated and heartbroken at the same time. I’d tried to slip out of his arms when the sun rose, but he woke up and refused to let go. He freaked out when he saw me crying. I couldn’t speak for five minutes because seeing the worried look in his eyes broke my heart.
"We need to stop this. Now," I finally said, without much conviction.
"I don’t see why."
I looked up at him with puffy eyes still threatening to spill fresh tears. "What will I tell Ella?"
"We," he said at once. My stomach flipped. "Don’t forget that, it’s we from now on."
That simple statement made me both happy and sad. But it didn’t solve the problem at hand. Ella was going to be asking questions soon. We had to know how we’d answer her.
"Jeremy, Ella is my best friend. What can I say to justify any of this to her? She’s going to feel so betrayed."
"We’re adults, all three of us. We’ll deal with it. It’ll be fine."
"How? I’m just supposed to go up to her and say, ‘Hey Ella, so it turns out I’m in love with your dad, and there’s nothing I can do to–"
Jeremy flipped me over suddenly and I found myself staring up at him. He towered over me, with an intense look on his face, while I looked at him in confusion.
"What did you just say?" he demanded.
I raised my hands in surrender and blurted out, "Fine, I won’t tell her anything, I promise!"
"That's not what I meant. Repeat what you just told me you would say to her."
My heart hammered loudly in my chest, beating so hard that I thought I was going to have an attack.
"Say it," he ordered.
"Hey, Ella, I’m in love with your dad…" I began in a timid voice.
"Are you?" he asked, searching my eyes. He looked at me as though his life depended on my answer. I didn’t know which was worse, the truth or a lie, but I couldn’t pretend any longer.
"Yes," I said, the tears now running down my cheeks. Jeremy kissed them away. He gently lifted me in his arms and brought me right back to bed. This time, he made slow, sweet love to me. My core still tingles at the memory. But that didn’t change anything. As he dressed to leave, I insisted once again that there could be no good outcome.
I just couldn’t see how. How freaking unfair was this whole thing. However Jeremy seemed calm and confident. Hepromised we’d find the best time to figure it out with Ella. Oh how I wanted to believe him! As he left for work, I stared at the door closing behind him in silence, trying to be as optimistic as he seemed to be.
The nightstand clock ticks,marking half past six. I need to get up and get ready if I’m going to make it to work today. My phone beeps with a text from Ella, and for a minute, my heart goes still. Is there any way Jeremy had actually gone home to talk to her, without me? With his general sense of delicate tactfulness, that surely didn’t bode well.
God, if any text notification is going to freak me out, I’d better get ahead of this thing and fast. If only to keep some semblance of sanity!
"You bailed on us last night. Care to explain?"
Whew. Maybe he didn’t say anything. Maybe he didn’t even go home. My heart stops hammering frantically as I pick up my phone and start typing.
"So sorry. Wasn’t feeling well again. I’ll make it up to you!" I mutter as I type.
"Oh, cut the crap about not feeling fine." I feel a wave of nausea before she immediately follows it up with a laughing emoji, then a smiling devil horns emoji. "I know you left to be alone with Tyler."
"Ummmm… bad news about that," I wrote back, bracing for her to berate me.
She replies with a series of question marks.
"You want the truth?" I don’t wait for her to respond before adding, "Tyler is a great person, but I just don’t like him that way."
