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He wasn’t going to tell me what to do. No man was.
By this time, the sun was beginning to set, and finding him got a little harder. Since I didn’t speak German, finding someone to ask if they’d seen him wasn’t easy. Luckily, one of the musicians from the band I saw earlier recognized me.
“Ah, I remember you!” He spoke heavily accented English. “You were dancing with your husband.”
My heart fluttered at the idea and I didn’t want to correct him. I put on a worried look and said, “I’ve lost him though.”
The man nodded. “He was headed toward Osthafen.”
I didn’t know what Osthafen was, but I was going to find out. “Which way is that?” I asked.
The man pointed, then asked, “Why would you go there? It’s getting late, you know.”
“Why wouldhego there?”
The man said something in German I didn’t understand, and I thanked him and left.
Simply walking in the general direction the man pointed me, I managed to find Jack again. He was looking out at the port, and I realized we must have been at Osthafen. With the sun going down, I could see the view of the city’s skyline, and it was easier to follow Jack without being noticed.
He was talking to a man and they were both looking around. I hid myself as best I could, when I felt a sudden tap on my shoulder.
It was a police officer, judging from the uniform. He asked me something in German and I shook my head, trying to indicate that I couldn’t understand him. I almost pointed towards Jack, but then thought twice about it. He was probably doing something illegal, and I didn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to him. I probably already had just by following him out to the port.
The officer said some more stuff to me in German, and I apologized, then headed back to the hostel. I knew exactly where I had been, and now had a better idea of where Jack would be at night.
But what was he doing?
My imagination ran wild with ideas, and it struck me odd that he would “work” at night. There was an odd feeling that I was being watched as I made my way back to my room. I tried to sleep, but I spent the entire night in restless agony until he came back just an hour before dawn.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“The Innenstadt. Financial district,” he said, though I knew he had been by the harbor.Why did he feel the need to lie to me?
I turned away from him as he crawled into bed behind me. We lay next to one another for a while, and he eventually fell asleep while I was still wide awake. Irritated, I closed the blinds of the window, just as the light of dawn began to peek through.
Couldn’t he just tell me the truth?The feeling of betrayal and uncertainty was hard to shake.
Eventually, he turned around to cuddle me, and it was his touch that finally put me to sleep.
* * *
When I awoke,Jack was gone.
I couldn’t believe it, but I guess he had work to do. The sun was high, and I was starving. Like him, I too had forgotten to eat. As I started to leave the room, I saw a neat little note on the door handle. I opened it up and read it:
Emma, I left you some food so you don’t have to get out. I know you want to explore, but trust me when I say that right now is not the time. Think about where you might want to go next. I have an idea but I can only guess what you want. I hope you like what I left you—it might look bad, but I promise you it’s delicious. It’s in the fridge.
The meal he was referring to did not look appetizing at all, but I knew what it was—Labskaus. I’d never had it, but my father ordered it sometimes when we had German food. I dug in because I was starving, and didn’t want Jack to think I was just some spoiled brat. It was delicious, and I made a mental note to have it again before we left Germany.
There was an odd empty feeling that I couldn’t shake. On the one hand, Jack had lied to me, but on the other, it was possible he was simply trying to shelter me from his illegal activities, which was sort of sweet.
I sighed. All of my life, men had wanted to simply coddle me.He’s seen me shoot a gun, yet he still wants to treat me like I’m some helpless damsel in distress.
The thought mademe mad, and I decided I was going to go back out to the port tonight to see what he was doing. Only, I wanted to know how to get around better, so I could hide from Jack. When I went downstairs, I asked one of the young men at the door in the only way I could- with gestures and the tone of my voice.
“Osthafen?” I asked, then made the best map-making gesture I could when the man pointed, starting to give me directions in a language I didn’t understand. Eventually, I was provided a map after I pointed at what looked like one. I thumbed through it, glad to see the port so well-mapped.
I made my way to the port, and found Jack talking to a different man than the night before. Jack was showing him a box, and the man was nodding.
