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His forehead pressed against hers, his exhale exploding over her lips, washing away her fears all over again. His hands cupped her shoulders and held her to him, hard and tight. The contact was nonsexual, seeking and giving comfort, and yet she felt it pass down through limb after limb, vein after vein, reaching the deepest corners of her and staying there. Rooting her to the moment, to the man, to herself.
Bringing her back full circle to her own truth. That she still loved him. That she’d loved him for all the yesterdays of her life and that she’d love him for all the tomorrows yet to come.
And this time her love didn’t feel wrong or bad or forbidden or immature or selfish or demanding. It simply sat in her heart, fitting in, settling into place. It felt like coming home.
“You’re punishing yourself for a mistake you didn’t even commit. With me and with Fatima.”
“I’d have discarded you afterward. I had nothing to give you back for your declaration of love, Yana. I’d have simply used you.”
“And now?” she asked, even though she’d promised herself she wouldn’t go there.
“And now, I still have nothing to give you.” He held her gaze, and she saw it coming before he said, “Except marriage.”
She jerked back. “What?”
“Marry me, Yana. I’ll give you every happiness that I can, make every dream of yours come true. Marry me because Zara needs you and I need you. Marry me so that you never have to say goodbye to us again. Admit it. It’s killing you to leave. Admit that you’re happy here with us.”
Tears and smiles came at her together as she gazed at him. She couldn’t lie to him now, even if she wanted to. Because it was her most sacred truth. “I’ve been happy here. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life. And yes, it’s killing me to leave you. The thought of coming back as just a friend into your life, of not calling this castle home, kills me. The thought of not seeing you and Zara for months on end...kills me.”
“Then stay and marry me. Make a life with me.” He took her mouth in a hard kiss, and she felt herself melting. Falling. Weakening. But she had to remain strong against temptation. “Stay,habibi, and I’ll be yours in all the ways that matter.”
“No, you’ll be mine under conditions and caveats.” Regretful tears drew paths down her cheeks. “You’re still trying to pin me down. To take everything from me without giving me anything in return.”
He flinched, and her chest felt like it would cave in. Because she knew he was standing there, with one foot on the precipice, ready to fall with her, but he just wouldn’t take that last step.
“Only you could make me consider marriage again after the nightmare with Jacqueline. Why can’t you see that?”
“I don’t want the little crumbs you can manage. I don’t want anything from you,” she said, trying to cover up the thundering of her thudding heart and rolling belly with a small smile. Who’d have guessed that her teen fantasy coming true would be such a horror in real life? Who knew she’d walk away when her deepest dream was finally within her reach? “Because whether you admit it or not, you’re already mine. You’ve always been mine, by your own admission. I’ve owned you for a long time and I just didn’t know it.”
She felt free then. Free of fears and shackles and incessant demands and made-up rules. Because her love for him was a simple truth. Like the sun rose in the east. Like the storm that was raging outside but would leave the world renewed come tomorrow. Like the pain that was crashing through her right now but would settle into another scar in the months and years to come.
What she refused to do was to twist herself inside out ever again, with the foolish hope that she’d finally be loved the way she deserved to be. Not even for Zara or for him.
She clasped his cheek then and licked into his mouth. The taste of mint exploded in her mouth, fusing with her very cells. She let her hands roam the broad chest, the tapered waist, the hard planes of his back; she snuck under his shirt and traced all of his scars and...then she kissed him all over again, hoping it would last her at least until the dark dawn and the long day ahead.
“Goodbye, Nasir.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
NASIRFOUNDHERat a fashion show in Athens, Greece. He’d followed her there after learning, from his mother of all people, that she was with her sister Mira, who’d just given birth to twins.
It had been four months since she’d left.
He hadn’t called her or texted her or even snuck a glance at her as she talked to Zara on a video call, stubborn and hardheaded to the end. But thoughts of her consumed his every waking and sleeping moment.
His bed felt cold and empty. His life felt colorless. His words had dried up again as had his imagination. He’d thought of a million questions he’d never asked her and wondered at her answers. That a lifetime wasn’t enough for her to surprise him and delight him and annoy him and bring him to his knees again and again. And he was beginning to think it wasn’t a bad idea to be on his knees for the woman he clearly adored.
And she, apparently finally wising up to what an extraordinary, incredible woman she was, didn’t even steal a glance at him. Even his mother got screen time. As did Ahmed and Huma and his staff. Never a question or a comment about him or for him since she’d left them.
Not Zara. Never Zara.
Just him. She’d left him because he’d been a coward. And in one of those petty moments, Nasir found himself envious of his own six-year-old for the generous, lavish, unconditional love she got from her Yana Auntie.
All he’d wanted to do for weeks was storm through her brother-in-law Aristos Carides’s lavish mansion like a bull on steroids, making claims and commitments that made him come out in a full sweat, and announce to anyone and the world and her, especially, that she was his.
He wondered yet again how long their red-hot affair would have lasted if he hadn’t brought up marriage. Clever and perceptive as she was, she’d seen it for what it was—another contract he’d use to bind her to him, without opening his heart. Without actually committing to anything. Without giving her, the glorious creature she was, her due.
Now he was ashamed of how he’d attempted to manipulate her, even if he hadn’t done it on purpose. Dangling the mirage of a dream as if it was some prize she would leap at.
