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She complied silently. Again.
He watched with sheer fascination that apparently refused to even simmer down into something manageable, as her limbs disappeared beneath the water and she threw her head back with a soft moan.
He swallowed when he caught sight of her tight nipples playing peekaboo under a rose petal. Needing to give himself something to do, he uncorked the wine and poured it into the glass.
She took it from him wordlessly and then took a sip. She murmured appreciatively and she wriggled her shoulders as if to dislodge a knot there. His guilt intensified. “Once you get out of the bath, I’ll work those kinks out of your shoulders,” he said, wriggling his fingers at her.
“No, thank you,” she said, not opening her eyes. “Especially if your massage skills are no better than your daughter’s.”
“Try me and then pass judgment,habibi.”
Another exhale left her. “Thank you for this. It was exactly what I needed at the end of a long day.”
Seating himself at the edge, he watched the overhead lights play with the angles of her face. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you when you got back. I was worried, terrified, that you both were hurt. I... I was suddenly reminded of everything I once lost...”
“It’s okay, Nasir,” she said, lightly tapping her fingers over the back of his hand and then retreating. “I got that from your face. But just so you know, Zara’s five and she’s going to get hurt sometimes. Under my supervision or someone else’s.”
“I know that, in here,” he said, pointing toward his head. “And the amazing thing is she knows that, too, doesn’t she? She’s completely fearless with you. But I do worry about her, Yana. All the time. Especially since I’ve already messed up with her once, so badly.”
Opening her eyes, Yana watched him with that silent gaze. Asking questions without asking them. Waiting for him to reveal his darkest fears.
“I never planned to be a father, Yana. And yet, ever since I held her that first day, I’ve loved her. I know I can’t keep her wrapped up in cotton wool, surrounded by staff who watch her twenty-four hours a day.”
“You can’t. And as much as you’ll hate me for saying this, she’ll be six in three months. She needs kids of her own age to play with, Nasir, to learn social skills, to learn boundaries. Even if you decide to homeschool her. You can’t keep yourself shut out from the rest of the world and also be a good father to her. Kids need to learn about the world, and Zara’s a pretty social kid.”
“I don’t hate you for saying it. In fact, I...” He swallowed the words, loath to unburden himself to her when he hadn’t broached the topic in his head yet with her. He was aware of days dwindling at a rapid rate, of her looming departure. And yet, he held out. Told himself he and Zara would manage. Told himself that Yana would return to her normal life and yet they would still be able to resume their affair and fall into some kind of a sticking pattern, long distance.
He’d never been an indecisive man before in his entire life and he hated that he was waiting for time or something else to decide for him when he’d never done that. The certainty of time passing and the uncertainty of his own plans were eating through him.
He looked up and met her gaze. “I hope you won’t ever stop saying that, Yana.”
“Saying what?”
“What you think is right for Zara. Even if you’re afraid that I’ll get all grumpy and grouchy with you.”
“I’m not afraid of you, you beast,” she said teasingly, splashing water on him.
He went to his knees and then cradled her neck. Pressing his mouth to her temple, he whispered, “Even after you’ve left here?”
She grabbed his forearm. “I won’t,” she whispered earnestly and he heard the promise in it.
“Am I forgiven, then?” he said, trailing his mouth to the shell of her ear.
Her questing hands went straight to his erection. She palmed him and Nasir forgot all about the world outside. “Only if you get into the bath with me.”
That was an invitation he could never resist.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
YANA’STHREEMONTHSwere up as if someone had taken the hourglass and shaken it up to make time go faster. She had an assignment in New York, then she was going to visit her mother in California and then return to be with Mira for almost a month before the twins were born. Of course, she’d promised Zara that she’d visit her, too, whenever possible in the midst of her hectic schedule. And she’d meant it. For once, everything in her life had the patina of normality and it left her feeling out of sorts.
She was at peace with herself, with where she was going in her life. She’d continue to pick up small contracts here and there until something definite came up in her literary career. Just thinking about that sent a ripple of excitement through her.
In the meantime, she had two sisters she adored and two billionaire brothers-in-law who were forever inviting her to visit and meant it. And Yana decided she would. She’d worked in one way or another since she’d been sixteen and she would take it easier now that she was already at a crossroads.
She’d kept waiting for the bubble that Nasir and she seemed to live in to break, for reality or some other ugly life thing to fracture their almost fantastical happiness. When it happened, it did so because, once again, she couldn’t help herself bringing up the past.
Because the seeds of the future had already been sown somewhere in the past and, in the end, because she’d realized the truth that had never changed.
