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I opened my mouth, but for the first time, Cyrus said, “Don’t talk yet. I don’t want you to get agitated.”
I rolled my eyes, though I knew he was right.
“You were so sick, Crow. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if you were even getting enough air. There was no medication or way to check your oxygen saturation… I called Melody. She got the things I needed, then drove up as far as she could get. I took the snowmobile and met her.”
He took… He could have gotten hurt. He did get hurt. What if he’d gotten lost? He would have frozen to death, and it would have been my fault. “No. Don’t…” Fuck. The one time I wanted to speak, and I couldn’t. “You shouldn’t have.”
“I had to. If I didn’t go, you could have died, Crow.”
“Not. Worth. Your. Life.”
“It is to me!” he shouted, surprising me, then sighed. “I don’t want to fight. I did what I had to do, and I’m okay. Melody turned on her location so I could find her. I did the same to find my way back to you. And it worked. I was finally able to break your fever. The humidifier helped you breathe better. Your oxygen wasn’t bad, but you sounded terrible. I was… I was so scared. I can’t lose you.” He dropped his chin to his chest.
Guilt flooded me, making my skin tighten worse than any sickness could. “Won’t.”
“You can’t promise me that.”
“Hurt.” I cupped his face, brushed my thumb beneath his eye.
“I wrecked your snowmobile. I’m so sorry. I had to leave it. I didn’t know what else to do. I know those are expensive. I’ll do my best to pay you back, but—”
“Shh.” How could he think I would care about that? I didn’t care about anything but him.
“Risked…your life…for me.”
He looked up, nuzzled his cheek into my palm the way he so often did. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Crow. I have nothing without you. I am nothing without you.”
I shook my head. “No. You’re everything.” I closed my eyes, breathed, and wished I could smell him rather than the menthol in the air. “I have nothing without you… I am nothing without you,” I returned the words Cyrus had just given me.
He climbed into bed with me, and my arms immediately twined around him. “I was so scared, Crow.”
“Sorry.”
“We can’t do this again. We have to have medicine up here. You have to take it. You need to see a doctor when the snow lets up.”
My body froze against him.
“We have to take care of ourselves if we’re going to be up this mountain for months at a time…for each other.”
I sighed, touched the bruise on his face that I now knew was from the goggles he wore on the machine. He’d been through so much…for me. If he hadn’t been here, I would have died. “You saved me.”
His chin wobbled, eyes pooling. It took me a moment to realize mine were doing the same, that I was close to crying because this man loved me and risked his life for me.
“That’s because I love you.” Cyrus sat up, reached to the nightstand, where I noticed a bowl. “I plan to keep taking care of you until you’re well. Anytime you need me, for the rest of my life, I’ll take care of you.” He lifted the spoon from the bowl, broth from his soup there.
It went against all my instincts, everything about who I was, to allow someone to feed me, to give me food they made. To let myself depend on someone that much and to trust them, but this wasn’t just anyone. He was my world, and there was nothing I wouldn’t give him.
I opened my mouth…and let him feed me.
One spoonful after another after another, Cyrus fed me. And when I was done, I took medicine from his hand and a drink from the cup he had provided.
He curled into me, my arm around him, holding him, foreheads close as we lay on our sides, looking at each other.
“They put things in my food. Kids. In foster care.”
Cyrus’s face softened, eyes sad and loving. “Oh, Crow. I’m so sorry. I would never—”
“I know,” I cut him off, knowing I needed to get this out, that he deserved more. “Chosen…he sedated us sometimes. He did the day he…” The day he killed her. “He gave us other things too, as punishment—to make us sick or vomit. When…with Hillary, I couldn’t…but the pills he gave me made me get hard.”
