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My nostrils flared at the thought of something happening to him, of him being hurt because of something I’d done.
“Okay?” Cyrus pressed. “I need you to tell me okay. That’s a deal breaker for me. I don’t want to be locked up.”
I nodded, wondering what was happening to me. What he’d done to me. There wasn’t anything I didn’t want to give him.
“I won’t come into your room if you don’t want me to. But free rein of my room, the bathroom, living room, and kitchen would be nice.”
My heart spiked, but I did my best to shove it down.
“We can work up to that,” he said. “Just no locks.”
I nodded, then looked down. My feet were flat on the floor, legs bent, arms on my knees. Cum had dried onto my soft cock, and my wrists were hurting, still feeling restrained.
Being inside him helped me forget, but now it was flooding back. When I began to shake, Cyrus said, “Oh, Crow.”
The bed shifted, but I didn’t look.
Slow footsteps padded across the room, but I still didn’t look.
Cyrus knelt beside me. When he reached out to touch me, I flinched away.
“I’m sorry… I…” He pulled his hand back, but I grabbed it, held it in mine, then leaned my head toward him. Cyrus understood what I needed and began running his fingers through my hair. I hadn’t known something like that would feel so good, hadn’t even understood what made me silently ask him to do it, but now I wanted to melt into it, could live in this moment with his hand in my hair. “I won’t ever let anyone lock you away,” he told me.
They did that when they forced me to leave here. They restrained me and took me away from my home.
I was exhausted, my whole body worn out, my brain too.
My brave little lamb sat beside me, wrapped an arm around me, and continued to play with my hair.
Mine. Yes, he did feel as if he belonged to me, didn’t he?
I understood the concept of emotions. I’d loved my mom. I’d even loved Chosen. I’d seen people in The Enlightened together, spouses and friends. But I’d also seen them throw people away. I’d seen them hurt them for punishment or to open them up for Enlightenment. I’d had that done to me too. But what I’d witnessed hadn’t felt like this. Even knowing how much my mother loved me and what she did for me hadn’t felt like this because she hadn’t been allowed to be affectionate with me.
And then…fights, name-calling, being harassed daily, before I came back to my mountain for ten years of nothing.
Until Cyrus.
“What is this?” I forced out.
“I don’t know,” he replied, and I believed him. While he knew friendship, love, and emotions in ways I never would, I believed that this, us, was foreign to him too.
Cyrus stroked my hair. “You should get some rest. The sun will be rising in a couple of hours.” I immediately tensed. “You can’t spend the whole winter doing nothing but catnapping. I won’t hurt you, Crow.” When I didn’t respond, Cyrus continued to talk. “One time when I was young, my mom was really high. We stayed awake all night, but I was too young to understand why. I just thought about how much fun it was. We watched TV and drew pictures and made a cake and a batch of cookies. I know that sounds terrible—a mom being high with her son, but she doted on me. She made me happy. We always had so much fun together. Oh, and then this one time…”
I listened, my head on his shoulder, until I fell asleep.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Cyrus
Crow was restless, and I could tell he wasn’t getting the best sleep, but I was thankful he got some. The whole time, I was afraid to move, afraid to even breathe so I didn’t disturb him. I wasn’t foolish enough not to realize this was big. Crow was letting me stay. He’d gone to get my things. He’d promised not to lock me in, and now this…trusting me, lowering some of the barriers he’d built around himself.
For me.
It was mind-blowing, and honestly, made me feel seen and important in ways I wasn’t sure anything in my life ever had. Crow had been through hell—and most of it, I would never know or understand—yet he had such a huge heart. Sometimes I wondered how it wasn’t too big to fit inside him.
This time, I would stay awake and watch over him while he slept. I wouldn’t have been able to pass out if I tried, not after everything that happened.
I would call and quit my job. I’d lose my apartment and all the things there—I didn’t have enough money to pay the rent and utilities while I spent the next few months on a mountain.
