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“So, the team then?—”
“It’s nothing to do with the team, the company, anything like that. It’s me.”
Duncan leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Okay, then, tell me more.”
I took in a big breath. Here went nothing.
“Well, first off, I hate living in a big city. The past few months have been decent, but it’s just so much all the time. The higher I climbed with the company after grad school, the less I got to poke around computers and figure things out.”
Duncan nodded, showing me he was listening, bolstering me with the strength to keep going.
“Moving up meant I got to work directly with people using the systems less. Work became all about meetings and reports, and making decisions that cascaded in ways I couldn’t completely understand because I wasn’t working with the systems or with the people, just making choices that impacted them.”
“I see. So, what would you do instead?”
I examined Duncan’s face, but he wasn’t giving anything away. I took a few more deep breaths and plowed forward.
“I want to consult on technology for small businesses. Do audits of their systems and processes, suggest improvements and new software or hardware they could benefit from, if appropriate. If not, then I’d put them in touch with someone who could help with their niche. I want to help businesses thrive, not just survive, and level up to reach their next benchmark or goal. Maybe through that I’ll find a common need across industries and be able to develop software or an app that can help. But I just want to be out there with the people, not in a corner office avoiding them.”
Duncan was quiet for a moment, before he leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and looking at me intensely.
“You really hate living in cities?”
“That’s what you took away from all that?”
“Okay, let me rephrase. Do you really hate living in cities, or do you just hate feeling alone?”
That gave me pause as I thought it over. Duncan continued.
“You know, I’ve always been good with being alone. That’s why as much travel as I do works for me. But for you, well, first off, you’re a twin, so you weren’t even alone in the womb. I was surprised when you went off to Boston for college, but I was excited for you. I thought Hunter might follow you and break away… well, we both know Hunter only follows his own path. But, in any case, why do you think this fall hasn’t been so bad?”
“Because I’ve only been here for a few months, so I don’t know it well enough to hate it yet?”
Duncan shook his head.
“Okay, oh wise one. Go ahead and Yoda me. I can tell you want to.”
“Well, for one thing, Preston is here. Didn’t you see him each week?”
“I mean, yeah, we got dinner a lot…”
“And what about your girl?”
“Charlotte? I mean, she’s just a roommate.” I wasn’t sure why I lied in that moment, but I felt exposed enough as it was.
“Oh, now you fuck off with that. Preston may not have told me about your discontent with your job when I asked him what this meeting was about, the little gossipy traitor, but he did blab all about you and Charlotte at Thanksgiving. Said he’d never seen you look at a woman that way, not that we’ve met any of your girls in the past few years.”
“Okay, yes, fine. I’m not sure why I said she was just my roommate?—”
“Because you’re in love with her, and to admit that to me is to have to admit it to yourself?”
“I’m not in love with… am I in love with Charlotte?”
“Hayden,” Duncan said gently, the way you do with a child when they’re being a real idiot. “You donated twenty thousand dollars of the company’s money, so she would stay home with you and get better.”
I looked at my big brother, my boss.
“I think I may have fallen in love with her when she sat with me on the couch and asked me inane questions about Star Wars.”
