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She pulls back, looking down at me with sorrowful eyes, and I wonder how I’m going to tell her everything I’ve been hiding. What will she think of me? Especially after knowing what got Eli was arrested. The fact that I picked up where he left off… she’s going to be so mad at me. And who could blame her?
My stubborn headed ways nearly got me killed and left my mom alone. How will she ever forgive me?
“Mom… I… I…” I can’t get the words out. I bite down on my bottom lip, reopening the split in the bottom right corner. The metallic taste of blood coats my tongue.
“Oh, Keaton,” Ma furrows her brow and reaches for a tissue, wiping away the blood before telling me to hold it in place. “Listen, Bodhi told me everything.”
“He what?” I shout, dropping the tissue and bolting up straight in bed.
Reaching for a clean tissue, she folds it into a neat little triangle and hands it to me, insisting I hold it to my lip until the bleeding stops.
“When you were still unconscious, he had just come back after spending the afternoon helping Sander try to find answers to what might have happened. He was so overcome with guilt, Keaton. He blamed himself for your accident,” she says.
My eyes go wide, holding the tissue to my lip.
“Why?” I whisper.
Bodhi never told me this, and I don’t understand why he would think that day was his fault.
“He thought that by him filing that police report, those men retaliated by coming after you.”
I sit there, a little in shock. I can’t believe he blamed himself. I mean, is it possible that his actions are what caused those guys to come after me? Maybe. The thing is, we’ll never really know. Besides, it wouldn’t matter one way or the other, because I don’t blame him.
Life is too short to be mad at the people we love over shit that we can’t change.
“It wasn’t his fault,” I tell her.
“I told him as much, but that doesn’t change how much he’s been hurting,” she says.
I lean back into my pillows, knowing that there is still a lot we have to talk about.
“I messed up, Ma. More than once, and I am so sorry. I just really wanted to make sure you were taken care of while Eli was gone,” I tell her, watching her face soften under my admission.
“Honey, it was never your job to take care of me. I am the parent. Now, maybe I let myself slide after your brother was arrested, but that never meant you had to step up the way that you did. You are still so young, with so much life to live. I don’t want you to spend another moment worrying about me. I will take care of what I can, and anything that we can’t, we don’t,” she says, patting the back of my hand.
“But what if we lose the house?” I ask, unable to just let go of the worry I’ve held tight to all this time.
“It’s just a house, Keaton. It doesn’t matter if the people I love aren’t in it with me,” she smiles softly, and I nod, understanding. “From here on out, no more secrets. You talk to me when you have a concern and we’ll figure it out together, okay?”
“Okay,” I nod, letting her pull me into her warm embrace.
It takes me back to all the times I got into trouble as a young girl. Worried that whatever I had done would anger Ma so much that she might stop loving me so much. I remember her telling me that there was nothing in the world I could ever do to make her love me any less, and then she would hold me close and rock me back and forth until I felt better.
There is still so much she and I need to talk about, and there isn’t any reason to wait anymore.
Chapter 83
“I think this is a great idea, Bo,” my mom smiles brightly as she helps me unload buckets of cleaning products from the trunk of my car.
I called her last night after I talked to Sander, filling her in on my plan.
Keaton and her mom need somewhere to stay until Mateo is found, and with me just getting the keys to my grandparents’ home, the timing was perfect. Almost too perfect, but I wasn't about to question it.
“I just hope it works,” I say, not voicing my worry that Rob might be tailed on the way here. He volunteered to pick the girls up, since it's less likely that Mateo or any of his guys will recognize Rob's car, and Sander will be following behind them as a precaution.
“I'm sure it will all workout just fine,” she says, leading the way up the paved walk toward the teal-colored front door.
The yard is overgrown, and weeds have taken over the flower beds. I wish I had more time to get the place cleaned up. I guess I'll just have to focus on the inside for now. The rest can wait until a later date.
