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“No, Sander. No, don’t,” I say, pointing a finger at him, warning him against saying another word.
“But—”
“San, I love you. I do. You have always been my best friend, but that’s all you’ll ever be,” I say, effectively shattering whatever hope he had for the two of us.
He steps back then, face hardening, void of emotion. I get it. No one wants to be vulnerable like that seconds after being rejected.
“I’m sorry, okay, but I need you to know that. It’s not going to happen between us, okay?” I say, not wanting to hurt him, but still upset over that kiss.
He nods once, avoiding eye contact.
“I’m uh… I’m gonna head back,” he says, throwing his thumb over his shoulder in the direction he came.
“Yeah,” I respond, not even having the energy to attempt to comfort him or laugh this whole thing off.
I watch him leave and stand there alone, wondering, how many more people am I going to drive off before I’m all alone?
Chapter 60
Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything I thought I knew turned out to be a lie. Every moment lived, every memory made, was cast in a shadow of nontruths.
Yes, I was still the same person. I was still Bodhi Kane, but the man that I thought was my father, the man that I thought hated me for reasons I couldn’t fathom, turns out to be my uncle. Forced to live his own lie, raising the child of his brother and wife, betrayed.
I was never his burden to bear, and still, he did. He allowed me to live in his house, raising me as his own, choosing not to separate me from the brother I’ve loved my whole life. And there I was, a constant reminder of the lie committed between two people who were supposed to love him most.
I may not agree with the way that he handled much of my upbringing, but sitting here now, after a sleepless night of driving without direction, I can admit that he was the bigger man in the situation. He could have divorced my mom and kicked us both out, leaving Tommy without his mom. But instead, he put on an indifferent face and did what he had to do. He took care of his family.
I didn’t make any of it easy either; I know that. Constantly fighting him about everything. But I can’t forgive him for shunning me at such a young age, either. It wasn’t my fault, and I had no hand in the act my mother and Rob committed, but I can understand why he acted the way that he did.
It’s going to take me some time, but I’d like to be able to work through everything in the future. Though, I don’t know if it will make a difference to my dad or not.
That is also something I am struggling with. Thompson Kane raised me; therefore, he’s my dad. That isn’t going to change overnight. Not for me, anyway. He seemed pretty done with the entire charade last night.
I sigh, reaching up to pinch the bridge of my nose. I haven’t slept in almost thirty hours and I’m starting to feel it.
What a mess my life has become, and in less than one day.
Keaton hasn’t answered any of my calls, and I can’t really blame her. I know that she’s pissed at me, but I honestly didn’t mean for shit to happen the way it did. I think that maybe I thought I could fix her life and that would somehow make mine a little more tolerable.
Let’s face it, I’ve been brooding through the anger phase of grief for the last two years and haven’t tried even once to deal with my demons. Maybe that’s something I need to do before I try to be in a relationship with her.
Still, I just want to hear her voice. To tell her that I’m sorry and that I’ll give her space if that’s what she really wants.
Picking up my phone, I try to call her again. Unlike all the times before, where it was clear that she’d declined my call, this time it rings and rings and rings, and then goes to voicemail.
An odd twinge of discomfort blooms in my chest, but I don’t know why. My gut tells me to call again, but it’s the same thing.
Her worry from the night before comes to the forefront of my mind.
What if he gets out? You think he doesn’t already have an out? You really think you bested him?
I really thought I had. The guy has to have a record, something that they could charge him with. Only I never considered his connections. That he may have the cops in his pocket and walk away from everything. And come directly for her.
I try Keaton, again.
And again.
And again.
