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“I got pleasure. I got what I wanted.” His finger in my ass and an orgasm. “I got cuddles and you got words.”
A huff.
That had to be better than the snort, so I kept going. “I do not remember being that upset. I remember being overwhelmed with pleasure and feeling raw for a few seconds, maybe, and then the world tipped over and you were cuddling me.”
Aggressively.
“That is not what happened.” He was back to sounding offended, so I nodded against him which seemed to make him feel better. “But you sink really deep, so I guess that makes sense.”
I was glad it did to him, at least.
“Right now, aside from wondering what kind of dessert we have and wanting you to rub my ass so I can find the fuzzy headspace again, I’m fine.” I’d be better than fine if we could move past the Ender wants a relationship part of the spanking.
But…
Leif sighed again.
Good grief.
“Was I wrong?” His tone was too soft for me to know exactly what he was thinking but it sounded like he was disappointed in himself.
“No. But I’m not sure this is the right time to talk about it. You’re very…raw?” Was that rude? Wrong? Insulting? “I don’t want to upset you again.”
“Then don’t cry.”
Yeah, that was something I could control.
“I have no plans on crying. Hiding yes. Crying no.” But I hadn’t planned on it the first time, so I wasn’t sure he’d believe me. “So see? We’re both fine.”
Kind of.
“I’m not fine.” And the stubbornness was setting in. “Talk to me, Ender.”
Ugh.
He used my name again.
“I…I guess I kept imagining different ways to answer their questions and most of them ended in ways I didn’t like. Explaining that we’re just friends where I submit to you sounded wrong and then I was imagining you dating someone and it was getting all wrapped up in my head.” He didn’t seem to have the same thoughts, though.
“I was mostly focused on not oversharing about our personal life and making sure you didn’t have to share anything you didn’t want to.” Leif settled back into the couch, cuddling me instead of just holding me tight. “We aren’t dating, so I don’t know what you want me to say.”
He was such a pain in the ass.
“Why aren’t we dating?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer but it felt like it needed to be asked.
“Because we’re better than that. You’re leaps and bounds better for me than family too. You’ve always been there for me. Family fucks you over. Dates leave. They’re transitory. You’re not.” He sounded like demoting me to dating would be insane, but making me family would be even worse.
It was cute and frustrating at the same time.
“And then there’s the fact that I look nothing like the guys you’ve tried to have that kind of a relationship with.” Leif’s tone said he was giving me one of his looks so I just hid against him. “Yeah, you know what I mean.”
“I was looking for what I needed in the wrong places. So sue me.” It’d just been a bit of a painful learning experience.
He finally let out a soft laugh. “I might just punish you instead. That sounds better.”
My groan only made him more delighted. “Yep, I see cages and control in your future, pup.”
Had I mentioned that he was a pain in the ass?
