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Fuck, I’m not sure how I feel knowing this beautiful girl in front of me likes to get in fights. I’ve been speaking to her, minus the time we took a short break, for a little over a month, and I had no idea. She’s never brought it up before. Does it bother me?
Emmaleigh begins shuffling in her seat, looking a little uncomfortable as her gaze rakes over me. “Just for the record, that’s not who I am anymore. I haven’t thrown a punch since I turned eighteen. So that’s well over five years ago,” she mumbles, averting her gaze to look down at her hand that’s picking at a piece of fabric on her jeans.
“I’m not bothered by it, Em. It’s actually kinda hot to know you can take care of yourself. Did you actually win the fights against guys?” I didn’t know I really meant the words until I said them, but it’s true. I’ve never been a fighter. Hell, if a guy threw a punch my way, the only chance I stand is if I run. I’m a fast runner, but my face would break faster than if I dropped an old lady’s china tea service on the floor. So the fact this girl can hold her own is more than a little hot.
“Yeah, I beat them all. But to be fair, after I slapped one around the face with a ruler in the middle of class, most just kept out of my way after that,” she says with a smile, and I can't help but laugh. “What? He deserved it. He was picking on my best friend for being ginger, and so I made sure he knew that wouldn’t be tolerated.”
“You were a badass,” I state, as I shuffle to close the gap between us on the sofa before reaching over to take her hand in mine.
The cool of my skin against her warm flesh causes tingles to ripple against my palm, shocking me completely. I’ve never felt anything like that before, and it startles me so much, I almost pull my hand back. But Em laces her fingers with mine, tightening her hold, and she looks up at me through hooded eyes, her baby blues glisten as she smiles at me. Our gazes lock together and for a moment we’re frozen, neither of us moving. I’m not sure if I should close the last small gap between us and capture her lips with mine, or if I should pull back and carry on the conversation. I don’t want her to think we’re rushing.
My heart’s racing so fast I can hear it whooshing in my ears, and as Em pulls her lower lip between her teeth, I can’t help but smile. This gorgeous girl has no idea how stunning she really is.
I know I said nothing can come of this, and that all I’m interested in is a friends-with-benefits type of situation, and I really meant it, but I’m worried Emmaleigh isn’t the type of girl who doesn’t want anything meaningful. She strikes me as a hearts and flowers type of person, and if that’s the case, this will never work. I know what I’m capable of, and I need my alone time. I wasn’t made to be in a relationship, and I’m hoping I’ve made that clear to Em.
CHAPTERFIVE
EMMALEIGH
After a bit of a slow, almost nervous start, my second date with Lee definitely improved. At the end of the first date, we both made it clear what our intentions are, and that neither of us is looking for anything serious. Honestly, I’m not totally sure I was being honest with Lee when I agreed to us being just friends. I spent a lot of time mulling it over after the date, and I think I just said what he needed to hear so that I could see him again.
I’ve never met anyone like Lee, and I very quickly became addicted to how he made me feel. Not only could he make me laugh—which is super important to me—he also made me feel sexy, which isn’t something I’m used to.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hideous to look at, but I have my hang-ups just like every other girl. I see the way my hips puff over the belt of my jeans, causing a little muffin top, and the fact there’s definitely no gap between my thighs. My ass is full, and even with a good pair of jeans, it’s impossible not to notice the extra padding I have there.
Weirdly, my waist is smaller than my hips, and that’s what gives me my curvy hour-glass figure. My boobs are a decent size, whilst not being too big, and I appreciate that. A handful of booty I can handle, but extra cleavage is harder to work with.
Despite being what society would call a plus size girl, Lee never made me feel this way. He looked at me with a big smile on his face, those sexy as hell dimples appearing as his sparkling blue eyes checked me out. I always feel a bit self-conscious when it’s obvious guys are checking you out, as you never know how they’re going to respond. But Lee licked his lips before biting down on his lower one, and it was obvious he found something about me attractive, which was a good thing, because I was more than just attracted to him. I liked him, and that led me to do something stupid.
Before going on the date, I told myself this would be the one. I was done sleeping around, dating jerks who never really cared about me. This was me taking a step in the right direction, getting onto the dating ladder. That meant, no matter how much I might like this guy, no sex on the first date. If I want him to be serious about me—which at the time I very much did—then I need to make sure he has a reason to keep coming back. I had it all planned out before the date, and then he dropped the bombshell—he doesn’t want a relationship.
When he first told me, I didn’t really know what to say. I just remember feeling a bit deflated, though I tried my best to hide it. I wanted more, of course I did. I’ve kissed more than my fair share of frogs, and I was done with it, but that could only happen if I started dating someone. I thought Lee was that someone.
When Lee asked if I would be interested in a friends-with-benefits type of situation, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I mean, that couldn’t be further from what I was actually looking for with a guy. I should have told him no, and ended the night there and then. We weren’t on the same page, and by the sounds of it, we wouldn’t ever be, so I should have run. No matter how depressing dating is, it’s still the only way forward to find someone who wants the same thing I do. So why the hell did I say yes to his proposal? Why did I agree to be his friend-with-benefits?
That answer is more simple than it should be… because I like him. When he looks at me, I get the gooey butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach. When I think about him, or get a notification to say he’s messaged me, my heart races in anticipation. When he flashes that sexy dimpled smile my way, my checks flush and my core heats.
I like this guy, and that means I’m not ready to let him go just yet. The only problem with that is that we both have different expectations for this relationship, which means there can be no good outcome for us. I’m not sure if he just wants sex, or if it’s more the friendship he’s after and the sex is a bonus. While I’ve agreed to be friends-with-benefits, I’m secretly hoping the more time we spend together, the more I can convince him to enter into a real relationship.
I know my emotions are on the line here. There’s a very good chance I could get my heart broken, and that this will end badly, but I have to try. What if this guy is the one, he just needs a little help to see that. I can’t walk away from him. I just need to guide him in the right direction.
Throughout our second date, I constantly tried to remain casual, to not let him see what I was really thinking or feeling. Every time he looked nervous or unsure, I took hold of his hand and just gave him a chance to relax. I know I’m probably playing with fire, and that the only person who will get burned in the end is me, but that doesn’t change how I feel. Some part of the universe, maybe fate, is calling to me, telling me that Lee is someone I shouldn’t let go of. I can’t let him slip through my fingers because I just know he’s supposed to be someone important in my life. I’m not entirely sure how, but I know he is.
“This food is delicious,” Lee groans, pulling me out of my musings as he shovels more of the Mexican food I made into his mouth.
I’m not the world's best cook, but I can make fajitas, tacos, and nachos—albeit a very dull version, since neither of us is a fan of much spice. I’m sure if an actual Mexican person were to try my awful attempt at Mexican food, they’d be offended. But for people who don't like a lot of spice, and prefer the flavour over having a chilli that blows your head off, this is the perfect compromise.
Normally, the first time a guy comes over to my house, I would order in… usually a pizza. But, with Lee, I wanted to make a bit more of an effort. I know deep down I’m doing it because I want him to realise we have the potential for more than just fuck buddies, but I’m pretending they aren’t my motives. I just want to cook for him… end of discussion.
“I’m so pleased you like it. I know you said you don’t like spicy food, so I tried to dull it down a bit,” I reply, giving him a smile before scooping some sour cream onto my nacho as I shovel it into my mouth. The flavour bursts across my tongue, heat and cool all at the same time, and I try my best to hold back the groan threatening to escape my lips.
As we eat, things between us become more relaxed, like the first date. I think maybe Lee was nervous about being in my flat, and the expectations that come along with that. I know that probably sounds stupid, since sex is an obvious part of being friends-with-benefits, but I’m just going by what I see. Besides, we don’t have to have sex straight away. We can get to know each other a bit better first, if that’s what he wants.
After eating, we put a movie on and settle down on the sofa together. As I pull a blanket over us, he shuffles a little closer so that he can share it with me. He’s so close, the heat from his body is warming my side, causing my nerve endings to prickle with anticipation.
A few minutes after the movie starts, Lee reaches over and takes my hand in his, clasping our fingers together so they’re interlocked. His hands are so warm compared to mine that are naturally cold, and the heat spreads up my arm, warming me to my core. As Lee begins to swipe his thumb across the back of my hand, I’m frozen, all my attention is on the sensations he’s producing with such a simple gesture.
I cast a glance over at him, and he looks to be enthralled with the movie, not even really noticing the effects he’s having on my body. I try my best not to shuffle, to eradicate the feelings deep in my core. I’m not even sure squeezing my thighs together would be much help right now.
