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“What do you mean?”
She lifted her gaze to mine and soon replied with an explanation. “It sounds like you’re telling me to take this as whatever I want to take this as.”
I considered her words. “That is what I’m saying.”
Her brows furrowed deep at this, and I wondered why.
“So it’s not that you want a relationship, you just… technically want to sleep with me until you get bored. But you don’t want me to feel bad about it, so you’re permitting me to callit a relationship and perhaps to be the one to end it whenever I choose to not be at a disadvantage in any way?”
This sounded right to me and in alignment with my idea, so I nodded as well.
“Oh, wow,” she said and lowered her head as though to compose herself. “Well, that absolutely cannot and will not work. Not only with me, by the way, but with every other reasonable thinking and feeling woman out there.”
I wasn’t in the least bit offended by her comment, but I was curious.
“Why?” I asked
“Because it's one-sided,” she said. “I'm not saying that I need to be emotionally invested for this to work out, but I also don't want to feel like a charity case or something. I mean… this sounds like a business agreement.”
“It's an agreement,” I replied, and she continued to stare at me. I lifted my wrist to look at my watch because we were running out of time.
“It's an agreement,” I said again. “And I want it to be as unemotional as possible, at least for a start. Things might get complicated after a while, but again, I'm saying that if it ever comes to that, then I'm willing and able to do everything in my power to ensure that you do not, for any reason, walk away with the shorter end of the stick.”
She listened and then asked another question. “So… if I do accept, is it a given that I will lose my job?”
I wasn't going to concentrate on this, but now that she was being extremely direct about it, I addressed it head-on.
“To say I wasn't concerned that this would affect our working relationship would be extremely unrealistic,” I said, and she nodded.
“Right, it most definitely will.”
“Alright then... I know my stance, and so when and if that time comes, I will respond to yours as beneficially as possible.”
“What if I don't want to lose this job at the end?” she said. “I've been working with you for a while now and that would be incredibly hurtful for me. I want to keep working with you for as long as I can.”
This was endearing to hear, but now that I truly considered this, I realized that taking the initial step that we did in London was the problem. Yet, I couldn’t quite label it all evil because it brought us to this moment we were currently in, and I wanted it. I preferred it.
And so, I straightened and told her exactly this.
“Sophie,” I called. “I want you. But I've known you for a long time, and I'm hoping you've known me long enough as well to understand that I will have no issues whatsoever in accepting your refusal of this. We will continue working together, and this will no longer be brought up. I am more than capable of putting all of this aside so that we can move on. So all you need to do is tell me what you want or don't want, and I will respect it completely.”
At this, she seemed about to speak, but the words didn't come out. She closed her mouth again.
“Alright,” she said. “C-can I think about it?”
“Of course,” I replied. “Take as long as you need.”
Chapter 46
Scarlett
Ionly needed a few more days.
Just a few more days for all of this contemplation and confusion to be over. If I could just ignore his offer and lay low or as I had even gained permission for, disappear, then perhaps all would be well. I didn't have a few months with him, but Sophie did, and so if I even dared accept this offer in any way, then she would have to be the one to fulfill it, or the tensions between them would rise through the roof. He was probably not expecting the emotional turmoil this would bring, or perhaps he wasn’t even aware, but no matter how tough someone was, the rude awakening was sure to come, and it was always bloody.
Maybe he was sure that he could control himself, but I sure as hell couldn’t, especially because it was him. The fact that I was so elated by his offer and orchestrating ways to make it work in my mind was more than enough proof for me to understand just how much I liked him and just how much trouble I was potentially getting myself into.
There was just no one like him, and this is why I didn't want to get too close to the fire because I was sure to get burnt. Ialso wanted the experience, and always there was a tiny sliver of hope that this could become more than we ever anticipated, but still, I wanted that experience. Because, judging from past experiences and encounters, all of this when stripped down to the bare minimum was a pursuit of passion the likes both of us hadn’t experienced before.
