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Sebastian nervously ran his hand through his hair. His face contorted with indecision. “Dad…I didn’t know you, okay? For all I knew, you were the mobster who sent two goons to kill me or kidnap me or whatever the hell was going on. When you told me you were my father, and you had been looking for my mother for years, I didn’t know if I could trust you. If you wanted revenge on Mom. Or me. All I knew was that if what you said was all true, why had Mom felt the need to run away from you. She had to have had a good reason, or she never would have left. When you asked about her, my first instinct was to protect her until I knew more about you. Figure out if what you told me was the truth. I needed to talk to her, but she and Gray’s mother were on a cruise in South America. The last thing I wanted to do was screw that up for her. She was safe where she was. I didn’t want to worry her or put her in danger.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Don’t you understand? I didn’t know what to believe!” his cried, throwing his hands out in a pleading gesture.
Max shook his head. “I can understand your initial reaction. I would have done the same thing for my mamma, but it’s been two months, Sebastian. You’ve had two months to tell me. Why didn’t you?”
Sebastian’s face fell. All color gone. He glanced at Izzy, holding her eyes, speaking in a language only the two of them could understand. A language they had had years to create without Max.
“I know I should h…” he started but didn’t finish.
“It was me, Maxie,” Izzy said, a forced calm in her voice. “I asked him to wait.”
Max was not sure if that made him feel better or worse. “How long have you known…about me?”
“Since a few days after Bash got back from Georgia.”
Max didn’t know what to think. Maybe he had read the whole situation with Sebastian wrong. He never intended to pressure his son into a relationship. All the plans he made were merely an illusion of a family he was trying to push on Sebastian. One he was obviously not ready to accept. Max needed to leave before he broke down and made a fool of himself. He broke eye contact with Izzy, walked to the door, and began to gather his luggage.
“What are you doing?” Sebastian choked. His feelings were raw. “You’re just going to leave? You’ve barely come back into my life, and now you’re going to leave the first time things get uncomfortable? I’m sorry. I should have told you. I was caught in the fuckin’ middle!” His hand motioned between Izzy and him.
Max put his hand on his son’s shoulder. He didn’t know what to do. “The last thing I want to do is cause you or your mother more discomfort. I’ve obviously pushed too hard for us to be a family. I can go back to New York, and we can take it slow. But I love you, Sebastian, and I will never leave you again. Never.”
Max felt a hand on his arm.
“Don’t go, Maxie. Please. Let me explain,” Izzy implored. “I…I… was scared. Scared you hated me. Scared to face you after all these years. Embarrassed to find out Sebastian knew the truth about what I had done. He learned that I was a coward who kept him from his father. Then, after these years of not knowing your son, you fought for him. You protected him from your family. Like you would have done 35 years ago. I was so ashamed, Maxie.”
Tears began to steadily stream down her cheeks. “It was all proof that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. But I was so terrified of your father. I…I felt powerless. He threatened to take Sebastian away from me and never let me see him again if I got out of line. On our wedding day, Max! I panicked. I knew our child would always be a threat that he would hold over me. Over us. I couldn’t let Sebastian be a pawn, and I couldn’t risk losing him. It was a fight or flight moment, and I had no bargaining power. You would always be under your dad’s thumb if I stayed. I couldn’t let us live like that. If I left, maybe you could break free. Once some time passed, we could be together again. Maybe when you graduated from law school.
“Then you were married in the wedding of the year, according to the New York Times. It killed me because it should have been us. Sebastian and me. And I was the reason for that. It was my fault. When you got divorced, I felt it was too late. You had moved on. Then you remarried, and life seemed to be good for you.” She stopped to take a trembling breath and wipe her eyes. “I have lived with so many regrets. Second-guessing every decision that I’ve ever made. Knowing you would never forgive me for taking your son away from you,” her voice trailed.
Max’s emotions were at war within him. Hurt. Guilt. Love. Regret. But he couldn’t bear to lose them again. “That’s just it, Izzy. I never moved on. I had P.I.s searching for you for years, all the while praying they would find you before my father did. He was humiliated. His son had been left at the altar. He wasn’t going to let it go unpunished. When I graduated from law school, he told me he had indulged me long enough. I had to stop searching for you and settle down with a nice girl. I refused. If I didn’t marry soon, when he found you, he would end you.”
Izzy’s eyes went wide.
“He threatened to kill her?” Sebastian’s voice was strained.
“My father was ruthless. I had no doubt. He promised he would stop looking if I moved on. I found out years later that was a lie too. He never stopped looking for you, but at the time, the threat was enough to push me into dating. Hoping he would forget about you. Rose was a concession for my father. A guarantee of your safety, or so I thought. Rose is a wonderful woman, but I never loved her. When she realized she couldn’t replace you in my heart, she divorced me. She thought she deserved better. I agreed. Frankie is the best thing that came out of the marriage. Fatima was an arrangement. Again, at my father’s insistence. Thankfully, she will be out of my life soon. So no, Izzy. I never emotionally moved on.
“I was devastated. I couldn’t believe you would do that to us, but I knew you wouldn’t have left without a good reason. Before my father died, he told me that threatening to take our baby away from you at the wedding had been a huge mistake. He should have waited until after the baby was born. Then, he would have had more control. He also admitted he had never stopped looking for you. If he hadn’t already been given a medical death sentence, I might have killed him.”
“I couldn’t move on either, Maxie. No one measured up. I wasn’t going to bring anyone into Sebastian’s life unless I was sure about them.”
For a few minutes, no one spoke.
Sebastian put his hand on his dad’s back. “I was going to tell you about Mom tonight, Dad. That’s the reason I asked you to wait for us in the main house. I knew she was here. Waiting to meet with you. I had no idea you would come over here.” He took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “You guys need to talk. I’ll give you some space, but Dad, please promise me you won’t leave. If you change your mind about moving here and being a family, you will crush Morgan…and me.”
Max hugged his son. “I would only leave if I was making you or your mother unhappy, but you are correct. Izzy and I need to talk.”
Chapter Fifty-One
“Maybe we should sit down,” Max said, motioning Izzy to the sofa. “Do you live in Chicago?”
She sat next to him. The tension hung heavily between them. “When I retired a couple of years ago, Bash bought me a condo near his in downtown Chicago. During the summer, I stay in the guest house to give him more privacy.”
Max couldn’t help staring at her. All he could see was the beautiful young woman he had fallen in love with. “You haven’t changed,” he said, reaching for her hands.
“You are such a liar. It is only recently that I went back to my natural hair color. I have spent the past thirty-five years with raven hair. After your father died, I hate to say it, but I finally felt safe enough to be myself.”
His eyebrows raised. “It kills me that you had to live like that.”
She nodded, staring at her hands. When she looked up at him, she burst into tears and fell into his arms. He held her tightly against his chest, smoothing her hair, her tears soaking his shirt. As if no time had passed, he didn’t want to let her go.
