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Even if he always claimed to want to give me the world, the truth was, we were never going to work. He refused to listen to me.
Of course, I could appreciate his determination, and I loved that he had the desire to want to give me everything, but it was his unwillingness to give me the thing I needed the most that led me to making the decision to walk away from him.
He knew how I was.
He knew I needed comfort and security. I needed reassurance and stability.
I’d had that for a long time on my own, and I’d had it while we were together and living separately, doing our own thing. Even for quite some time, when I’d decided to take a chance on his business venture and quit my job, I had felt a higher level of confidence in where we were heading.
But as time went on, I started to lose that sense of security. When I expressed my concerns, Travis refused to acknowledge them or seriously consider them. He didn’t do anything to ease my worries.
Unfortunately, I could no longer pretend. No matter how long we’d been together or how much I cared about him, there were some things I couldn’t accept.
The only light I had in my life after everything fell apart was Janine.
I came to her and told her the truth about my situation. It was humiliating.
For so long, especially with Travis being the way he was and showcasing the success we had been experiencing, it had seemed like we had it all together. To some extent, I guess we did.
But Janine knew me. The minute I wound up on her doorstep and shared the reality of my situation, she didn’t hesitate. She immediately opened her home to me, giving me a place to stay. I slept on the couch of the one-bedroom apartment she shared with her boyfriend, and I couldn’t have been more grateful.
While I was living with her, I searched for a housing solution. My stay with Janine and Colin was only meant to be temporary, but I struggled.
If I had thought the rent was high when Travis and I were living in the house together, I had not a clue about just how bad things could get. Rent had increased substantially, and an apartment like I’d been in before Travis went out and signed a long-term lease without telling me was now double what it used to be.
I couldn’t afford it, especially when I didn’t have a job or a steady means of income.
Getting a job was proving to be even more difficult.
And when I took a step back to look at everything, I realized just how bad it all sucked. I was homeless, jobless, and coming to terms with being single again. It was tough to continue having a positive mindset when everything seemed so bleak.
If nothing else, I was beyond appreciative of Janine’s friendship and the fact she and Colin allowed me to stay with them for as long as they had.
Sadly, I couldn’t stay with them forever. I knew that going into it, and I had hoped I’d have figured something out by now.
I didn’t, and Colin had spoken with Janine about it.
If it had been just her, there was no question she’d have allowed me to stay for as long as I needed. Colin was no longer feeling charitable, even if he was citing reasons of getting into trouble with their landlord, because they had someone else staying with them, and not because he just didn’t want me there any longer.
The last thing I wanted to do was put Janine in a tough spot with him. It was clear how much she was struggling with this. And the reality was that I couldn’t say I didn’t understand where Colin was coming from. I’d been here a long time, and with the way my search for a job and housing was going, I’d been here for more than just an extended stay.
It wasn’t fair to them, and I didn’t want my problems to leak into my best friend’s life, causing issues for her with her man.
“It really is okay,” I promised her. “Look, it’s a one-bedroom apartment, and space is cramped as it is for two people. Colin doesn’t really have the use of his couch any longer, and it’s frustrating. I understand, Janine.”
She shook her head, worry littering her features. “But what are you going to do? Where are you going to go?”
“Well, I told you about that job interview I have today, so I’m hoping that’s going to turn things around for me,” I said. “Maybe the reality of not having a place to stay tonight will force me to rock the interview.”
“You know I think you’re exceptional and everyone who has chosen someone else for a position you’ve interviewed and applied for is a fool,” she started. “If this interview goes the same way, I’m worried about what you’ll do then.”
I didn’t want to say it, but the thought had been lingering in the back of my mind. There really was only one other option I had left, and I’d been trying to avoid it from the moment things fell apart.
If things didn’t go in my favor today, I’d have no other option. But damn, I didn’t even want to admit it out loud. I hadn’t even wanted to acknowledge it to myself.
“I might have to go to Arizona,” I confessed.
“To live with your parents?” she asked, the shock evident in her tone.
